


For Educational Purposes

by ThisIsntCreativeAtAll



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Beware of Secondhand Embarrassment, Big Sans, Chara Has Their Own Body, F/F, F/M, Frisk is a Sweetheart, Lemme Learn Ya Somethin, Nonbinary Chara and Frisk, Reader Is Not Chara, Reader Is Not Frisk, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, You're An Artist, You're a Teacher, You're a Trainwreck, Young Frisk, reader is female, there's a lot of it, young Asriel, young Chara
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2018-12-26 09:55:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 49,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12056541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisIsntCreativeAtAll/pseuds/ThisIsntCreativeAtAll
Summary: You saw the job listing and applied on a whim. You weren't going to get it, you didn't even know anything about the monster community that had developed around Mt. Ebott, that inactive volcano. You just figured it would be interesting.Then the letter showed up in the mail. You had gotten the job.You're a human in the dead center of the monster community, teaching their children all about humans and the human world.Also you're a bit of a mess personally, you don't know anything about monsters, and you're convinced that one of your students is a sociopath who's actively trying to sabotage you. So there's that.





	1. Weirdo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You move in and make a few friends(?)

You hadn't expected to get the job, at all. You had only applied on an impulsive whim. You had just dumped your significant other, and you were filled with an overwhelming desire to completely turn your life around. Things hadn't been going well for you recently, and you were going to change that. You were going to get a better job, a better place to live, a better circle of friends, and an overall better life. After years of your ex's constant negativity driving you further and further into a miserable spiral that had been suffocating you, you were finally free.

And it just so happened that day you saw a job listing searching for a new teacher for The School.

You had only been a teacher for a few years at that point. You had been teaching fifth grade and your Principal was an ass, you hated the school, and your students were horrid shits that made you miserable yet somehow their parents were a million times worse. The School, the new monster school in New New Home, had decided it wanted a human teacher to educate their younglings on everything about humans to prepare them for the new world they lived in. That should be easy enough, you figured. You had been a human your whole life.

And anything was better than your current job.

So, you sent in your application and resume with a beautiful cover letter. You didn't get your hopes up for it, though. There would be hundreds of other applicants for the job, right? Who wouldn't want to live in the center of the monster community... as a human... while the human-monster relationship was so incredibly rocky... and monsters were a little scary...

Shit. You shouldn't have done that.

You didn't know how to feel when the letter telling you that you were hired arrived in your mailbox. You read it over a few times to be absolutely sure they had meant to send it to you. You, who had graduated college by the skin of your teeth. You, who survived on ramen and pocket lint while you worked two minimum wage jobs all the way through school. You, who stayed in a horrible relationship for six years because you had convinced yourself you were really happy with them. You weren't the sharpest tool in the shed, but somehow they had chosen you...

And you were going to represent the entirety of the human race to the monsters' youth community. They were going to think _so little of humanity_.

You panicked while you packed up what little you owned. You considered turning the job down. You couldn't teach monsters, this was ridiculous! You really should have thought this through more. What were you going to do when you got there? Make friends with monsters? What if the monsters didn't even like humans, and you were going there just to be eaten or sacrificed to monster gods or something? Was that racist? Of course, you didn't believe all monsters were bad, but they were really scary looking so maybe they were?

You were such an ignoramus.

You managed to fit everything you owned into your tiny hatchback. Considering you had been living in a closet of an apartment since your breakup, you really didn't own much. All of the furniture had been your ex's, and when you dumped them you only took your own possessions. Not even all of them, either. You had plenty of video games and movies and books and knick-knacks that you just didn't have either the desire or ability to take with you. You did have a few things you missed, but you would replace them eventually.

"Kindly keep moving so I can see you," A rough, gravelly voice requested. You blinked in confusion as you looked out your window. A black and white humanoid dog stared into your car. You had reached the checkpoint on the outer perimeter of New New Home, where everyone coming and going was inspected for safety reasons, you guess. You obeyed the request and awkwardly swayed back and forth in your seat, feeling quite foolish. "Thank you. Monster registration card, or your human identification please." He puffed on the dog bone between his lips.

"Uh, yeah, right here," you rummaged through your purse and handed him a card. He took it and looked it over thoughtfully.

"Okay, Miss... Dunkin Donuts?"

You blanched and swiped the gift card from his paw, apologizing profusely as you handed him you actual ID. He looked a bit more pleased with the new card and inspected it, then handed it back to you.

"State your business." He was eyeing the innards of your car, noting all of the belongings shoved into the back. His eyes narrowed at the boxes.

"Yes, uh, I was told to present this at the checkpoint?" You presented him with a formal letter from a "King Asgore". You had read it over, it basically said that you had been invited in by the king and queen to work for them.

"A human teacher?" The dog-man, whose name tag said "DOGGO", didn't look very impressed, but he handed you your letter back and stepped aside. "Fine, carry on." He allowed. You thanked him and rolled up your window, continuing on your way into New New Home.

The more you made your way in, you noticed the air around you start to change. It felt like the air before a heavy thunderstorm almost. Like the air was filled with static electricity, but it wasn't quite the same. It was more soothing, almost. You had heard a little bit about it, it was something having to do with both the immense amount of magic leftover from the barrier being broken and the simple concentration of thousands of magical monsters in one area. Magic was fascinating.

When you reached the actual city you had to pull out your paper with the directions to your new place on it. Toriel, the superintendent of The School that you had been writing back and forth with, had arranged a place for you to stay while you got on your feet there. The first two months of rent were already paid, and once you started receiving your regular paychecks the rent would be cheaper for you since you were working for the school. She reminded you that you could always find another place if you desired, insisting that you be comfortable in New New Home. She seemed really sweet, from what you could tell so far.

When you reached the building, you parked right in front of the doors and stepped out. You and Toriel had agreed to meet here, but you didn't see anyone else there yet...

"Ah! You must be the human teacher. Greetings, I am Toriel!"

You were taken aback as the woman stepped out of the doors and waved at you. She was a goat? But not a goat. She had white fur, horns, a long face, but fingers? What? You really didn't know what you had been expecting, but you knew a lot of monster had the appearance of animals but in more humanoid forms. You really had to work on being less shocked when you would meet one.

"I am, i-it's a pleasure to meet you, Ma'am." You greeted, trying to not be your usual awkward self while meeting your new boss. You offered your hand and she took it eagerly, a sweet smile on her face. Something about her made you want to call her mom and wear a sweater she hand-knit for you.

"I have brought two good friends of mine to assist you in moving in, I do hope that is alright?" You immediately felt bad. You had such a sparse amount of belongings, bringing in other people just wasn't worth it but she had already gotten them. "Unfortunately, I was unable to get you a place on a lower floor and I know humans are not very strong creatures, and you lack any type of magic to aid you in lifting heavy objects..." Well, lucky for you, you didn't own any heavy objects.

"Oh, thank you, but it's really fine, I--"

"Undyne, Papyrus! Come greet the new human teacher!" Toriel ignored your protests and called out her two friends from inside the building. Your eyes went wide as they approached you. The one who got to you first was probably the most human-looking monster you'd met so far. However, her skin was blue and scaled, her ears were more like fins with red webbing, her teeth were huge and crooked and yellow (actually, tons of humans were like that too), and she had gills while also lacking a nose. A fish woman, perhaps? And, you note with extreme interest, she was buff as all hell.

"Heya! Name's Undyne, I'm the physical education teacher at The School!" Undyne took your hand and shook it. It would have been one of the best handshakes you'd ever received, if you weren't left questioning whether or not she had crushed a few bones.

The second was absolutely terrifying. It was a monster of the scary movies you had grown up watching. He was an absolutely massive skeleton, definitely over seven feet tall, perhaps even over eight. His bones showed clearly through his skin-tight (bone-tight?) turtleneck sweater and his tattered skinny pants. You could see most of the bones in his legs through the holes. You instinctively took a step away from him, your heart hammering in your chest. He was a thing of nightmares. He was literally a horror movie monster (were you allowed to call them monsters anymore? You're not sure, what was politically corrects and what wasn't kept changing daily).

"AND I AM THE GRREAT PAPYRUS." He trilled.

He fucking _trilled_ the 'r' in 'great'.

His voice, overall, though. It was far too loud and slightly more on the ridiculous side, and maybe a bit pompous but it wasn't overbearing or condescending. You looked up and took in his appearance, his actual appearance this time. You focused on his face. There was a slight hint of desperation in his knitted-together brow bones (what? how?). Despite skeletons having a perma-grin based on their lack of lips, or any skin at all, you could still see how his smile was hopeful. You noticed that his facial bones were malleable, to an extent, and he was able to manipulate them like you manipulated your facial muscles to create expressions. This was fascinating.

You felt yourself grow slightly less fearful of this monster.

"I AM THE STUDENT COUNSELLOR." He took your still-sore hand and shook it eagerly, "I CAN TELL ALREADY, NEW HUMAN, THAT WE WILL BE THE BEST OF FRIENDS."

Oh.

You didn't know you could go from completely terrified to enamored to quickly. And then you felt terrible for judging him so harshly at first. He was just so sweet. Taking him in more clearly now, everything about him screamed innocence and purity.

"Hello, Undyne and, uhm, the Great Papyrus--"

"PLEASE, JUST PAPYRUS."

"Papyrus." You corrected, then you gave them your own name. "I'm, uhm, the, y'know, human education teacher." You had forgotten your actual title for a moment. Wait, hadn't Toriel already told them that? You were pretty sure she had. Or maybe she had just said you were the new human teacher, as in you were a human who also happened to be a teacher? You were pretty sure, either way, that these two already knew who you were.

Uhg, why did you ever say words out loud. You should really just be a mute.

You felt so awkward.

"Awesome! We'll all be spending plenty of time together, I'm sure!"

"INDEED, I LOOK FORWARD TO ALL OF OUR VENTURES TOGETHER!" Papyrus insisted eagerly.

Aw. You wanted to hug him.

"Lovely! Now all of you know one another and you will have friends tomorrow at the faculty meeting! I was frightful that you might be uncomfortable knowing no one, so I figured now was as good a time as any for you to meet at least two of your fellow teachers." Toriel clasped her hands together with a sweet smile on her face. "Now, let us get your things, yes?"

You grimaced a bit and went back over to your car, popping open the trunk. Papyrus and Undyne stepped over and looked inside.

"...WHERE IS THE REST OF IT?" The tall skeleton questioned, "IS THERE A SECOND, LARGER VAN ARRIVING?"

You sighed heavily and shook your head, "This is all of it." You had two trash bags of clothes, one of your bedsheets and towels, and one of all of your fandom-based stuffed animals that you probably could have lived without (but you also couldn't). A box of books, notebooks, sketchpads, and important papers. A box of what few personal items you had. A ratty twin-sized mattress that you had been given by a family friend when you moved out of your ex's apartment. Then, the light of your life, your computer tower that you had custom built and the two monitors you used for it along with the box of computer accessories. That was everything that you had to your name.

Undyne was the first to dig in, snatching your mattress from underneath everything else. "Alright, let's get this shit done!"

"Language, Undyne." Toriel chastised, the fish-woman only making a noise that could probably pass as an apology as she put the mattress on the top of her head and ran inside. Papyrus reached in and took all three boxes and stacked them up, joining Undyne in her run. You didn't understand why they felt the need to run to your apartment. Also, how were they going to get into it?

Right, you didn't even have to key yet so it was likely unlocked by the super.

"Here, dear, I can take bags." Toriel offered, taking your two bags of clothes and heading inside as well. This left you in a predicament. You didn't know what to do. Your car was left wide open, and your most valuable belongings were left inside; your computer, and your plushies (they actually weren't that valuable but they also _were_ ). You wanted to help, maybe carry your computer inside, but you also didn't want to leave you car open for just anyone to reach inside and grab whatever they wanted. It wasn't that you were surrounded by monsters, you insist to yourself, but that you wouldn't leave you car abandoned in _any_ situation. You also couldn't shut your car, or when the others made it back down they would be left waiting for you to get your slow booty back downstairs.

You weren't left worrying long as Undyne and Papyrus were already back at your car. Neither even looked like they had just run up and down eight flights of stairs, but you knew they had. They hadn't even broken a sweat. "HA! Let's get that miniature Mettaton contraption out of there!" Undyne reached for your computer and you felt your heart drop to your feet.

What if she broke it?

You couldn't bring yourself to say anything, frozen in place as Undyne hoisted your tower onto her shoulder and then grabbed both of your monitors and placed them under her armpit. You gave a weak squeak in protest, but she had already disappeared back into the building. Papyrus peered inside and grabbed the two remaining bags.

"WOWIE, HUMANS ARE QUITE SLOW AT MOVING, I SEE. WELL, YOU SHOULD SHUT YOUR CAR AND COME SEE YOUR NEW HOME." Papyrus waited for you as you shut your doors and grabbed your messenger bag from your passenger seat, throwing it over your shoulder and locking your car up. Then you turned and looked up at Papyrus with a nervous smile and headed inside with him. You took in your surroundings, noting how nice and new everything appeared. The architecture was beautiful too, and nothing was torn or vandalized or visibly dirty. Just with that, you knew this place would be a thousand times better than where you had lived previously.

Though, you did have to climb up eight flights of stairs to get to your floor. You were exhausted by the time you reached your apartment. Why would this place not have an elevator? It was cruel.

Papyrus grinned as he lead you over to your door. Room 88, on floor 8. That was easy enough to remember, at least.

He opened the door and you stepped inside. Your eyes went wide. It was _huge_.

"Wh... whoa..."

"Are you accommodations not adequate? I figured you would not need very much space, but I am sure I could find something larger if you required--" Toriel looked worried, wringing her hands in front of herself.

"No! Oh, gods, no! This is... this is perfect!" You insisted, looking the apartment over. Perhaps it wasn't really 'huge', technically speaking, but compared to your last place it was. This place actually had rooms, real separated rooms. Two, in fact. One was your bedroom, and the other could be whatever the hell you wanted it to. The bathroom actually had a bathtub, one you could lay down in no less, and had space if you desire to have shelving as well. Your kitchen wasn't attached to your living room. In fact, it even had a little island and you had a dishwasher. Your cupboards weren't falling off the walls, either. The walls weren't discolored from years of smokers living inside. This was so exciting. You wondered if, dare you even jinx it, you had working heating and air conditioning.

But you didn't want to get too carried away.

"Delightful! I am so glad you like it!" Toriel was immensely pleased, clapping her hands. "Well, we did not want to intrude into your personal things, so we have left everything in the living room for you to unpack at your leisure. We have noticed that you lack any furniture, however. We were wondering if perhaps you would like assistance in acquiring some?"

You blinked, "Uhm..." You didn't want to be even more of a burden than you already had been, "No. Really, I'm fine without it for now. I can find furniture... later." You stated warily.

"Sounds good to me," Undyne set down your tower (gently, thank the gods) on the ground and then flexed her muscles casually. "Alrighty, Alphy should be getting back from the lab soon, so we're gunna head out if you're ready, Paps?" Undyne turned to her skeletal friend and punched his arm. It looked, and sounded, like she had hit him quite hard but he was unphased.

"SO LONG AS THE NEW HUMAN IS ALL SETTLED IN?" He turned to you and you nodded quickly.

"Yeah, definitely. All settled, just gunna unpack for the rest of the day, probably. Really, thank you all so much for your help. I, uh, will see you at the faculty meeting tomorrow?" You offered, smiling hopefully. Papyrus seemed pacified, and the three nodded and said their farewells as the filed out your door. You sighed heavily and fell onto your mattress, yelping with fright as one of the springs broke through the fabric.

You'd have to get a new mattress soon, but you didn't let it bother you too much. You were too giddy.

You were home.

~*~

"Everyone, this is the human teacher I have hired for the children this year! Dear, why don't you stand and introduce yourself?" Toriel inquired.

Wow, just right off the bat. You were thrown right into the snakepit. You stood hesitantly and looked around the room. The monsters were strange for you to take in. You realized you probably should have done some research on the different species of monsters before you got there, but why would you ever have any sense of foresight when you could just run into any given situation completely blind?

You would do research when you got home, you decided.

You tell the table your name, "I'm the human education teacher. U-uhm, if you ever have any questions for me either, you can definitely ask me! I don't mind." You offered, trying to make yourself seem open to conversation. You had never been a very social person, but you tried really hard to get over that and perhaps make some friends.

"O-oh! Fantastic! I-I actually d-did have se-several questions r-regarding huma-mans and a-anime--"

Anime.

Holy shit, did this monster know about anime? You _loved_ anime. The monster speaking was a hesitant, short yellow lizard-type monster. You looked over at her and nodded eagerly, only for Toriel to interrupt.

"Yes, yes, of course, but you may ask your questions after the faculty meeting, of course. Anyway, thank you for your introduction, go ahead and take your seat and we can all move on. Now, I have several new additions to the curriculum this year..." Toriel got started on all of the improvements she desired for the school.

You were slightly distracted by a potential new friend. You loved anime, she seemed to at least have an interest in it. Maybe you could pick her brain about the shows she watched and you'd become best friends. You hadn't had a best friend in a while, now seemed like a perfect opportunity. You also had Papyrus, who had taken a seat beside you eagerly and was listening to Toriel quite intently. You decided to pay attention more as well, you didn't want to start off your new job asking questions that had already been answered.

"heya, sorry i'm late."

Your head jerked up and you looked at the door as another monster entered the room.

"I expected nothing more." Toriel sounded a bit irritated.

"maybe you'll have to _teach me a lesson_?"

You blinked. A funny man, huh?

Papyrus huffed, visibly irritated. "SANS, I TOLD YOU TWO HOURS AGO TO BE READY AND SHOW UP HERE ON TIME. I EVEN TOLD YOU TO ARRIVE FIFTEEN MINUTES EARLY SO YOU COULD MEET MY BEST NEW HUMAN FRIEND AND YOU DID NOT. YOU ARE SO IRRESPONSIBLE, I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SOMETIMES. AND THEN YOU MAKE A STUPID JOKE AND YOU..."

"Calm yourself, Papyrus, it is alright. I have an outline that Sans can read. Now, if he decides to be late for his classes I will have to take action but we will not let this get us all out of sorts, alright?" Toriel said calmly as Papyrus fumed from beside you. You looked between the new monster and Papyrus. Both were skeletons, that much was clear, but the other was different.

Where Papyrus was incredibly tall but lean, the one who had just entered was shorter and wider. He was probably about two feet shorter than the one you had gotten to know earlier that day. He was still much taller than your short stature, though. Instinctively, you wanted to be scared of him like you had been so scared of Papyrus. However, if the two were anything alike you knew you had nothing to be scared of.

The large skeleton found the only empty seat, on the opposite side of Papyrus, and hunkered down easily. He leaned back, kicking his feet onto the table, and almost immediately he was snoring. You looked at him in disbelief. Papyrus hit the other skeleton in the arm.

"BROTHER, YOU ARE BEING VERY RUDE. YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GREETED THE NEW HUMAN." Brother? Well, that made sense.

"mnh?" Sans blinked and rolled his eyes, glancing over at you lazily. He lifted two fingers. "sup."

You raised your eyebrows. Well, it was certainly a form of greeting. "Uh, hi?" You didn't know why it came out like a question. You told him your name, "I'm, uh, the human education teacher."

"math."

You assumed he meant he was the math teacher. Clearly he was a bare-minimum kinda guy and had no real interest in talking to you. That was fine.

"UHG," Papyrus groaned dramatically, turning to you. "I APOLOGIZE ON MY BROTHER'S BEHALF, NEW HUMAN. HE IS BEING VERY RUDE, BUT I ASSURE YOU THERE ARE MOMENTS WHERE HE IS NOT COMPLETELY LAZY AND MIGHT ACTUALLY ATTEMPT AT FRIENDSHIP."

You wondered how often Papyrus had to apologize for his brother. "It's fine, really." You insisted, trying to pacify Papyrus so he didn't feel badly. You were eager for the meeting to be over so you could discuss anime with the yellow lizard woman.

Toriel sighed, "Anyway..." She wrapped up the rest of the points she wanted to hit with the meeting and then dismissed you all. Toriel called your name. You hesitated, watching as the yellow lizard woman packed up and left the room with Undyne, Papyrus, and Sans. You really wanted to talk to her...

"Yes, Mrs. Dreemurr?" You asked as you stood from your seat and walked over to her, throwing your bag over your shoulder and glancing at the door. The lizard woman was gone. Damn it.

"Oh, please, call me Toriel." She waved her hand, clearly not liking the Mrs. Dreemurr title. You nodded and moved on quickly.

"Toriel. What can I do ya for?" Oh, no, far too casual. This was your boss, shit. "I mean, what can I do for you?" Hopefully she didn't linger on your first choice of phrasing.

"I just wanted to know how you feel about my plans." Toriel smiled.

You blanched. You weren't paying attention. You barely heard a word she had said, too busy fabricating discussions with the lizard that might possibly happen, or probably wouldn't more than likely. But, in the event they did, you would know exactly what to say at least. "Uh, I mean, it all sounded great." You insisted. You figure nothing could really have been bad about it, right? No one had complained during the meeting, that you could recall.

"Really? It does?" Toriel's eyes sparkled. You smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, of course! I'm really eager to start next week." You said eagerly.

"Oh, goodie! Here, I already have all of your papers ready..." Papers? "I am so happy you're okay with teaching two subjects, it really lessens my burden of having to find yet another teacher this year. It feels as though I have exhausted every option. You truly have been heavensent, dear..." Toriel kept rambling on and on about how wonderful you are and you were frozen.

You had just agreed to teaching two classes. Which two classes? Oh, shit, what was wrong with you? You weren't ready for this. This wasn't going to be like teaching a bunch of fifth graders. This was middle- and highschool level education. Damn it. Now you had to be learning and teaching two lesson plans at once!

This would be a mess you would get yourself into.

"Fantastic..." You murmured softly as you took the papers and books she handed to you. Looks like you would also be teaching Languages. Looking it over, you figure it can't be that hard. She wanted you to teach them the human alphabet and writing. Monsters didn't write very much, and when they did they were very different markings. Their languages tended to be universal because magic, so all they really needed to do was learn how to write.

That seemed easy enough.

"Alright, yeah, definitely. Thank you, Mrs--uh, Toriel." At least you caught yourself. You grunted as you held all of the heavy books and papers in your arms, wishing you had a larger bag to shove anything into.

"Just read over everything and it should be fine. The lesson plan doesn't have to be elaborate, considering I've only just thrown this on you. If you have any questions, I am only a call away. Papyrus is always very eager to assist as well and he seems quite taken by you. Here is a list of everyone's phone numbers." She grabbed yet another piece of paper and put it on your ever-growing stack.

"Awesome, thank you." You would have to plug in all the numbers later. You tried to go over your to-do list in your head.

You had to give a read to the new subject you would be teaching.

You had to create a whole new lesson plan for it.

You had to plug in all the new numbers.

You still had to unpack all of your belongings.

You had to befriend that anime-loving lizard woman.

You were missing something... You would remember it later you were sure.

"You are wonderful, dear. I will see you later, go ahead and go home, now. I'm sure you still have plenty of work to do."

You nodded, "Yeah, I mean, just a little bit... moving is always rough, you know?" Toriel laughed knowingly.

"Indeed, dear. Farewell." Toriel went to her desk and started organizing.

"Bye, Toriel." You would have waved if you had enough hands. You went over to the door and stopped. You stared at the doorknob, then down at your completely full hands. Oh, no. You had just said bye. You can't just say bye and then turn around and say more things. Oh, gods, this was a nightmare. Shit, what do you do? You could press the burden against the wall and possibly free a hand. But what if everything toppled? That would be even worse.

Okay. Okay. Don't panic. You can do this. How long had you been standing there? This was the worst.

"hey, tori, i had a..." The shorter skeleton brother opened the door to talk to Toriel. Oh sweet heavens, there was mercy in the world. Good things really did happen. "...after you?" Sans stepped aside and let you through the door.

"Thank you," you chirped breathlessly. You hadn't realized that your heart had started racing in your desperate situation. You hurried through the door as Sans watched you scurry off. He probably thought you were the biggest weirdo, and you really had nothing else that would make him think otherwise. Oh, well. It wasn't like you weren't used to it. First impressions really weren't your niche.

"heh, she's really _booking_ it." You overhear him say as the door shut behind him. You groaned softly.

Why were you, you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this idea and figured why the hell not. I haven't written a Second Person POV fanfiction since my days on Quizilla, writing Naruto and InuYasha fanfiction back in 2006 (holy shit it's been eleven years what).
> 
> If you like it let me know!
> 
> PS- I have a tumblr I never use, perhaps give me a reason to?  
> http://thisisntcreativeatall.tumblr.com/


	2. Piece of Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... aand now you've made an enemy?

So, you remembered what you had forgotten to place on your 'to-do' list. As you stood in front of your class, beholding the wide variety of people before you, you realized you had no idea what any of them were. At all. You had completely forgotten to do any research whatsoever on the types of monsters you would be dealing with on a daily basis. You were mortified with yourself for being so stupid and irresponsible, but damn if you didn't make fantastic lesson plans. Toriel was very impressed with them when you presented them to her.

Tonight, however, as soon as you got home from school you would definitely do that research. You had to, otherwise this was going to be a rough week. You should have done this research as soon as you found out you had gotten the job at the monster school, but you decided that your time was better spent drawing smut for the internet. 

You refocused on your class when the final warning bell rang and sat up in your desk. You did a quick count of everyone. Twenty-five, which meant you had an extra student. But you had no idea who the extra student was, you would have to find that out quickly but you didn't know the names of any of the children. From your desk, you took a quick look over all of the children. You noticed there were a lot of monsters who were very similar to animals, of course, but there were a few different types you wouldn't have thought of. You saw a few that seemed to be made from different elements, and another that seemed to be... an airplane? Well, alrighty, then. Finally, your gaze fell on two children who appeared in every way to be human. 

You blinked in surprise. Why would there be humans in your class? Weren't you supposed to be teaching monsters? There seemed to be an age gap between the two, probably two or three years you guessed based on the height and size difference. The child with the red hair seemed older, which made the one with brown hair and darker skin younger. They had squished their two desks together, putting very little distance between the two where they sat. You really hadn't been expecting something like this. 

"Alright, kids," you raised your voice so they all heard you and quieted down. They turned their gaze on you immediately, and you felt slightly more anxious. They were completely fixated on you. Your old fifth graders never paid attention this easily unless there were promises of sweets or recess. You took a deep breath to calm your nerves, then turned to the whiteboard and started to write out your name. "Now, my name is Miss--"

"Human." 

You turned your head quickly to see who had interrupted you, but no one popped out to you as the culprit. You turned back to the board and went to finish writing your name out. 

"Please, no interruptions while I'm speaking. My name is M--"

"Human."

This time you saw it. The red-headed child sat primly at her desk, her hands clasped in front of herself. She stared at you with an odd amount of intensity. She made you very uncomfortable. 

You let out your breath slowly, "I am a human, yes." You stated levelly as you watched her and tried to mask your irritation. This really wasn't how you had planned on starting out your day. "However, that doesn't make it my name. I am sure you all have your own names, separate from what you are, yes?" You smiled, even if it was a bit forced. The girl only kept staring at you. "Once more, my name is Mi--"

"We're just going to call you Miss Human." She stated evenly, staring you down as though daring you to protest it.

"I like that. Miss Human!" Another child shouted excitedly, like they had made up a brilliant nickname for you. "Miss Human! Miss Human! Miss Human!" They got the rest of the class chanting it for you. 

You didn't really like your name that much anyway, right?

"Okay, okay," you smiled again, finding the excitement from the children a little bit adorable. It was at the least endearing to see them get so thrilled over something so meaningless. You grabbed the eraser and wiped your name off the whiteboard, replacing it with 'Miss Human'. It was best for you to choose your battles wisely, and this just wasn't important enough in the long run. "Anyway, I am going to be your Human Education teacher this year, as well as your Alphabet and Human Language teacher. You lot will be seeing a lot of me." You smiled as you wrote everything down on the board for them. Their magic was fascinating to you when it came to their abilities to comprehend language. They could listen and read with ease, no matter the language or script it was all just translated for them. It was the matter of writing things down themselves that they would have to learn. 

You turned back around to face your class, smiling. "Alright, now I do have to take attendance. Why don't we go around the room and introduce ourselves with our name, something we like, and an interesting fact about ourselves?" You offered hopefully. You always found that to be a nice icebreaker with the kids, and sometimes it made for a good laugh when you found a comedian in the group. You pointed to the top corner desk and they started it off in a very vanilla fashion, then it slowly made its way through the class until it reached the two human girls--you assumed they were girls, at least, due to their longer hair and overall features.

It was the child with the brown hair's turn, but the redhead beside her spoke up instead.

"This is Frisk, they like cinnamon-butterscotch pie, and they--" You frowned and interrupted.

"I am sure she is fully capable of speaking for herself." You stated firmly. You'd be having none of this interruption, especially not one child completely overtaking another. 

The look you got from the red-haired child was something you didn't know anyone of their age was capable of. Her eyes were nearly red with the burning intensity. She was smiling at you, but it was undertoned with malice. Her eyes were wide with suppressed mania. The other child, Frisk apparently, reached over and took the other's hands and tried to calm her down.

"Actually," she spoke, each syllable carefully calculated, " _ they _ do not speak. Also,  _ they _ do not identify as a boy or a girl, so if you could refrain from using those pronouns and not call them a  _ she  _ that'd be just  _ dandy _ ." You felt your bones go cold under her gaze and you stumbled over your words. Well, shit. That's what you get for trying to be assertive.

"I... apologize, I didn't know..." You murmured sheepishly, feeling color rise to your cheeks. You wanted to speak with her and discuss how they should be speaking to her elders, but you were so embarrassed you simply couldn't. You felt so entirely judged.

"Also, I am the same way." She spoke again and you looked at her once more, "Just letting you know, since you seem the type to just assume people's genders. I use them and they pronouns. Thanks." Her--uh, their? voice was clipped and restrained, their hands balled up into tight, white-knuckled fists on their desk as the other child held them. Their sass was next level. How were you going to survive a whole year dealing with this daily?

Who were these kids, anyway? You didn't know of many other humans living in New New Home, especially none with children. Were they not human, somehow? Was there a type of monster who looked identical to humans, but weren't? 

You really needed to do your research on monsters and, apparently, gender identity too. You never really paid much attention to that either.

Really, though, did you ever pay attention to anything that didn't directly affect your ignorant little world?

You really were just an absolute piece of work, weren't you?

And so was this frikken' kid who refused to lay off of you.

You counted backwards from ten in your head. "Well," you started calmly, "why don't you introduce yourself, then?" You offered sweetly, trying to kill them with kindness so you could gauge how well different tactics might work with them. They noticed your change and adjusted accordingly, their smile turning sickly sweet but their knuckles remained white and held by Frisk. This kid was extremely tightly wound, you noticed.

"Alright." They started through their teeth, "My name is Chara. I like chocolate, and respect." The last part was laced with snide undertones, their eyes meeting yours. You had to look away, you couldn't handle them. They were watching you like you were just one obstacle for them to tackle and conquer. You had somehow made an enemy of a preteen child by simply existing.

Go you.

"... Right," you murmured tensely, turning your eyes to the goat child next to them. "It's your turn, dear." You smiled again, hoping this redheaded child wouldn't actually ruin your whole day and perhaps your whole class wouldn't be as awful as them. The child you addressed was elbowed by Chara.

"Hey, pay attention, kid." They snickered and he rolled his eyes like he'd heard that joke a thousand times. Being a goat child, he more than likely had. 

"Uhm, I'm... Asriel," he started sheepishly (HAH), "I like..." he racked his brain, focusing very hard it seemed. How hard was it to think of something you liked? 

"Golden flowers," Asriel glared at Chara as they had spoken up for him, and they were grinning like it was all a huge inside joke. 

"Shut up,  _ Cherry _ ," he sneered. Chara's grin disappeared and they shoved Asriel again, harder this time. 

"Make me, flower boy!"

"No roughhousing." You ordered and the two stopped. You didn't understand why Asriel seemed bothered by flowers, but you decided to move on. "Okay, and something interesting about yourself, Asriel?" 

"Uhh... I... don't really like butterscotch pie." 

Well, it wasn't  _ not _ interesting. 

"Oh, and, uhm, I'm a boy and use, you know, boy words. I just figured... Chara gave you a hard time about it, even though it's  _ stupid _ ," Asriel shot a look at them and they rolled their eyes in annoyance, looking away from him. "No one else is like them, just so you know." He offered you a sweet smile that made you feel immensely better.

"Thank you, Asriel." You went to move on to the next child, but you heard your classroom door open instead and you turned to look at it. The shorter of the two skeleton brothers popped his head in and did a quick scan of the children, then smirked and stepped inside, leaning against the door to keep it open. He shoved his hands into the pocket of his blue pullover hoodie, his eyes falling on the two human children. You glanced at them and noticed Frisk grinning mischievously and hiding behind Chara playfully, taking quick peeks at Sans from over their shoulder. Sans cleared his throat and you heard a wicked giggle erupt from Frisk. Chara turned their intense gaze onto Sans and glared. Was it bad that you were a bit relieved knowing they didn't just hate you?

"frisk," Sans called sternly, but there was also underlying humor in his voice like he was in on a good joke, "you know you're not in this class, kiddo." Frisk's giggles only grew louder and giddier as they clung to Chara's back and buried their face into their spine. "c'mon, bucko, let's go, i got a class i need to be with, but you're s'pose to be in there with us." Frisk made a brief sound of refusal between their giggle fits. "you can see chara and asriel during lunch and recess, ya goob, now let's go," Sans stepped back, opening the door wider for Frisk to exit through. He waved his hand in a beckoning gesture. Frisk only giggled more and louder, like they knew they were in the wrong but they also knew they wouldn't actually be getting into any real trouble for it. 

As they played their little game you did take a look at your list of names and Frisk truly was the anomaly who wasn't supposed to be in your class, but you had been too distracted by Chara's constant interrupting to notice. Maybe that was their plan all along and they didn't actually hate you? Oh, don't you get your hopes up.

"They don't want to go with you, bonehead. There's really no reason for them to be in your class anyway, so they can just go ahead and stay with me where I can keep an eye on them." Chara offered, but their tone suggested that they weren't really up for any negotiations. Sans didn't seem phased by their obvious aggression and his face didn't hold a pleasant expression either as he looked at them. 

"well, too bad your opinions don't really matter here, now do they?" He sassed right back, "no one really cares that you think they don't belong with me, frankly. so, frisk, now, please," he snapped his fingers (wait, how did that work? Didn't you need skin for that? Fuck it,  _ magic _ ) at them. You found it quite adorable the way Sans' expression immediately softened as soon as he would look at the smaller child when they would peek over Chara's shoulder. He quirked a brow bone and that was the final push they had needed to peel themselves off of the redhead and grab their bag from the floor, skipping over to Sans eagerly and taking his hand. Chara's expression hardened considerably with Frisk's back turned away from them, glaring at the skeleton. He didn't seem phased by it, even daring to wink at them as he turned and walked out of the room with Frisk bouncing beside him. Before they were completely out of sight, they turned and waved goodbye to Chara and Asriel, Chara quickly changing their expression to something softer and sweeter and much more happy as they waved goodbye to Frisk in return. 

You cleared your throat as your door shut behind the skeleton and Frisk, chewing your lip and tucking your hair behind your ear awkwardly. "Uh, anyway..." you murmured, lifting your hand and pointing to the next child in line to urge them to keep your exercise going, but you saw Chara's hand shoot into the air before you said anything. You were impressed with the fact that they had even bothered to raise their hand rather than just interrupt you, so you chose to indulge them. "Yes, Chara?" You asked politely.

"Yeah, uh, why the hell didn't you stop him?" They demanded. 

"First, watch your language in my classroom," you chastised, only for them to bring back that menacing stare, "Second, it's not my place. Frisk was not assigned to my classroom--"

"I don't care what classroom they were assigned to, they shouldn't be separated from their friends." Chara stated with conviction, pressing their lips together into a scowl.

You really didn't know Frisk's situation, but from what you had seen of how they reacted while leaving with Sans, they didn't seem to care nearly as much about going with him as Chara did. "Well, I'm sure they will make plenty of friends in the other class." You assured them.

Chara was having absolutely none of it, "But they are  _ my _ friend, and Asriel's. But we're over here in this stupid class, and they're in the other even more stupid class. Frisk wasn't even bothering anyone here, and there's no actual reason for them to be over there and not over here!" You gave a sigh of frustration as you listened to them, pinching the bridge of your nose. This child wasn't going to give you an easy day, would they?

"If you would like, I can speak with Mrs. Toriel about this matter after school today and see what can happen, but I can't make you any promises, okay?" You would probably say anything to get on this kid's good side or even just to get them to shut up and let you move on with your day. You really had no understanding of how the kids were divided, given that you had no gauge of how old they might be or how mature they were or anything of the sort. You figured there was no harm in at least asking. Chara seemed infinitesimally pacified and crossed their arms across their chest, glaring at their desk.

"By that, they mean thank you." Asriel joked, only to be hit in the arm by Chara once more. He rolled his eyes, "You'll be fine." He nudged them, but they only ignored him. You sighed with relief and moved on to the next child to introduce themselves, thankful when you were finally able to make it all the way around the room without anymore interruptions.

You could have sung the entire soprano part of "Hallelujah" when that final bell rang and the students gathered their things and filed out when their parents arrived to pick them up. This meant that you could go home in an hour and curl up on your deteriorating mattress and play on your computer. You noticed that Frisk had returned to your room and hurried over to Chara and Asriel. They smiled and gestured with Chara and Asriel as though the three of them were having an entire conversation together. You didn't know how that worked exactly, but you didn't have the energy to question it. 

Then a much larger version of Asriel stepped in, he was like Asriel's Mega Evolution. Somehow, the large goat-monster had blonde locks and a beard and moustache. He was also dressed in a pair of jeans and a hawaiian pattern t-shirt, which made his intimidating frame not quite so scary. 

He looked down as Asriel grabbed his leg and hugged him, "Daddy!" He shouted eagerly, "This is the new human teacher, Miss Human! Uh, except, Human isn't really her name, it's just what we call her..." He trailed, taking his father's hand and leading him over to you, "Miss human, this is Dad! Well, his name isn't actually dad, though..." Well, at least he was trying.

"Pleasure to meet you," the massive goat-father extended his hand and you took it quickly, "I am King Asgore."

What?

Your hand froze in his. 

"King... Asgore..." you repeated dumbly, then realized you should probably actually respond to him rather than pretend you were a parrot. Introducing yourself would have been a much better start. You wound up barking out your name to him and your cheeks colored over, "Uhm, n-nice to meet you!" 

He chuckled, a patient expression on his face, "Please, just call me Asgore. There is no need to be nervous around me. Here, I am merely the father of my children. I hope my three children weren't too much for you?" He reached out and placed his hands on top of Chara and Frisk's heads. 

What!?

Chara was staring at you again, this time with a smug expression. 

"Uh... they were, uh, p-perfect." You insisted meekly, deciding that telling the king that one of his children (HOW WERE THEY HIS CHILD!?) was actually a shithead probably wasn't the best first impression to make. 

"Fantastic! I knew you would be a perfect fit here when my wife, Toriel, showed me your application." He insisted, pulling the three children into his sides.

WHAT!?

Toriel was the queen of monsters.

You had asked the queen what you could do her for.

Oh, you beautiful piece of human garbage, you. You never failed to amaze yourself.

"Thank you..." You trailed, your mind on a tangent as you thought of ways to make yourself disappear into thin air. 

Idea number one, spontaneous human combustion.

"Tori and I were discussing things, and we decided we would like to invite you to our home so we might get to know you better. We can all share some tea and perhaps discuss our lives, and it might make you more comfortable here in New New Home. Asriel seems to enjoy you already!"

"Yeah!" Asriel piped up.

Asgore chuckled, "Would you like that?" He looked to you eagerly.

You stared at him, awestruck as you nodded your head. "Of course, that sounds lovely." 

Getting invited into royalty's house to have tea with them, no big deal. Just gunna share a cup of tea with a king and ask him how his day is real casual, you know, get to know him a bit better.

_ No reason to freak the fuck out. _

You could hear your heart pounding in your ears and you felt your knees go a bit weak. 

"Oh, how wonderful! I will talk to Tori about arranging a time for us all, then. I will make you my special tea! I've yet to find someone who has a distaste for it. Oh, this is so exciting... I'll not ramble too long, I'm sure you've had a long first day and would like to move on. I'll get these little rascals out of your hair!" 

For such a large, intimidating frame, he seemed like a complete teddy bear. It was like your first impressions of Papyrus, the terror you had felt upon seeing him and then the warmth you felt when you actually got to know him. Asgore came off as a brute almost, but now you had a hard time picturing him as a king. He came off too laid back, almost. 

He urged the children out the door, you heard Asriel chirping a quick goodbye to you while Chara ignored the fact that you existed entirely. Frisk waved to you, bouncing up and down to see over Asgore's arms to be absolutely sure you saw them. You waved back until they saw you and stopped, skipping away. "Goodbye, Miss Human!" Asgore finally called to you, seeming to be amused with the name the children had given you, then disappeared with the three children. 

Once your door was shut, you collapsed into your rolling chair and shoved your face into your palms. All of the anxiety you had been shoving down into the depths of your soul throughout the day started bleeding out of your bones. You took deep breaths, so deep that they burned your lungs, and held them for a solid ten seconds before releasing them. You repeated as necessary until you could hear your thoughts again over your internal screaming. You decided you would work through everything when you got home.

Or, you considered, you could just  _ not  _ work through it and instead you could work through a bottle of rum.

You'd go with that one instead. Proper mental health was for the... mentally stable.

You certainly weren't one of  _ those _ freaks.

You got to your feet and stepped out of your classroom, since you had to remain at the school for another half-hour anyway before you were allowed to clock out and head home, and went to the teachers' lounge. You realized you hadn't actually eaten anything all day, and you were digging the idea of something from the snack machine.

"Greetings!" You jumped when you were greeted as soon as you stepped through the door. Toriel was already in there, sitting at the table with what appeared to be a cup of tea in her hands. 

"Hey," you hummed coolly in response even though your nerves were completely shot and your hands were probably shaking. It took you a few seconds to slide your dollar into the vending machine. "How'd your day go?" You tried to be friendly as you examined your options. Where you hadn't eaten anything all day, you considered getting something nutritious. Then your eyes fell on the snickers bar that hung like a crown over the alphanumeric C8. 

If you died later that evening, which would you regret more? Not eating healthy enough, or not having that delicious snickers bar?

C8 it is.

You grabbed your snickers from the bottom of the machine and turned around to face Toriel, the queen of monsters and mother of Satan's hellspawn. 

"Just lovely, dear, thank you for asking me. All of my children were delightful. I had always wanted to be a teacher and run a school, you know. The beginning of each school year is always my favorite." She smiled, sipping her tea, "Tell me, how did you day go? I trust my children were good to you? They are truly such wonderful gifts, I placed them in your room because I just know they will be good to you." 

"It went..." You thought about it for a moment. You could still feel Chara's intense, malicious stare on you that was filled with judgment. All the times they had interrupted you, or hit their brother, or shutdown completely when they didn't get their way. Then their shit-eating grin when you learned that their father was the king and their mother was your boss. "...fantastic."

~*~

You had done research when you got home, you'll give yourself that much. The only thing was that it was for the best bar you could go to that night where you could drown out the screaming of common sense in your mind with alcohol and greasy food. But hey, it was something at least. You rewarded yourself for making it through the day without an assault charge with a trip down to the bar you had found, which was blessedly only a few blocks away and an easy walk to. The walk home would be easy enough too, once you were sufficiently hammered and not caring about the world anymore.

The child in your class's eyes were still haunting you every time you would shut your eyes. They were terrifying, the way they would stare at you like they could see directly into your soul. Then, when you pissed them off... You shuddered, your skin crawling. 

You made it to the bar without incident, which was surprising given that you were the most directionally inept person you knew. You looked up at the bright neon sign that read "Grillby's" and then tried to push the door open. 

"PULL" it read in bright red letters right in front of your face. You grimaced, having already sufficiently jostled the door, then hesitantly pulled it open and walked in as casually as you could. You felt eyes on you, but you kept your head down. You could feel their judgment and shrunk into yourself, immediately regretting your decision to leave your apartment. You could have just gone to a liquor store and bought your own alcohol, then gone home and drank alone like the sad, lonely, pathetic excuse of a human you were.

You didn't even really understand why the monsters you were surrounded by still scared you so much. Yes, they were large and bizarre and new, but so far every monster you had met had been relatively nice and welcoming to you. In fact, the only person who had shown you any active aggression so far was the evil human child in your class. 

That realization shook you to your core.

You stepped up to the bar and took a seat, only to be transfixed by the bartender. You stared at him, your mouth agape as he approached you. He set down the glass he had been wiping down and stared at you from behind a cute pair of glasses resting on his nose(???). He radiated a comfortable warmth, nothing as intense as you had been expecting when sitting directly across from a mass of open flames. You couldn't find your words. He was just so fascinating.

"you should probably order something." 

You jolted out of your enthralled stupor and looked over to where the voice had come from. A few seats down you found Sans with a glass in his hand. From what you could guess, it appeared to be a bloody mary sans(HA) the stalk of celery. He glanced over at you, "he doesn't talk much."

"Uh, oh, uhm, I'll have... I, uh..."You struggled with your words still, and it didn't help that there wasn't a single menu in sight for you to steal words from. 

Steal words from?

You mean read?

You heard Sans heave a great sigh of annoyance. 

"get 'er a good one, grillbs."

Why couldn't you speak properly? What was wrong with you? This was getting ridiculous, you should really get ahold of yourself and learn how to be around new people. Especially monsters. Hey, maybe doing a little bit of that damn research would help you out but no, you're not going to do that. Instead, you're going to go put yourself in the dead center of the monster community and learn first hand because you do  _ so _ well in social situations, right?

You're an actual natural disaster.

"... thank you." You murmured softly, your cheeks flushing as you stared down at your hands, unable to meet the skeleton's stare.

"fuhgeddabout it," Sans waved his hand dismissively, "... paps wanted me to apologize to you anyway for, uh, not bein' the most social when we first met. i ain't the most social guy ever, so... lemme buy your drink and we'll be square, eh?" 

You looked up from your hands in surprise. You really hadn't expected an apology, you hadn't even thought you would deserve one, so you weren't at all miffed when he didn't actually say an apology. "Uhm, sure, sounds great." You said softly, allowing yourself a smile just as a bright blue drink was placed in front of you. You stared down at it in surprise. It bubbled like it was carbonated, but the bubbles didn't act the same as normal ones. They seemed to sparkle and burst rather than pop. Grillby started down at you, you guessed he was waiting for you to take a drink so you did.

You brought the straw to your lips and took a sip. You made a surprised sound when you tasted it. It was absolutely wonderful, you didn't know how to describe it. Almost like candy, but there was also a bit off bitterness and a little sour and it just tasted like it was going to be your favorite drink. It really was a "good one". It made your cheeks and chest go warm immediately, but it didn't actually taste like alcohol. Was there any alcohol in it?

At your confused look, Sans spoke up. "it's magic liquor. it's not gunna taste like the human shit you guys have, but it packs a punch. i'd give yourself an hour to see how ya feel before gettin' yerself another." He offered, finishing his drink. Without being asked, Grillby got him another.

Why did you think that was a challenge? It wasn't. It was a fair warning from a concerned citizen, but something in your chest made you finish the drink before you in minutes and then demand another. It wasn't a challenge, there was nothing in Sans' voice or demeanor that had implied it was. 

But did you act like it was a challenge as you drank down your second Good One? 

You did.

And did you remember the rest of that night?

You did not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, given that this is more of a "I wanna write fluff and humor and avoid real life emotions" with no actual plot for me to speak of yet, I have this idea.
> 
> Perhaps, you lovely readers to give me chapter/scene prompts or like a snippet of dialogue for me to create a scenario for, send them to me via tumblr maybe and then that will help me create future chapters? 
> 
> I dunno, but here's my tumblr again if you so desire to participate!
> 
> http://thisisntcreativeatall.tumblr.com/
> 
> Also please keep complimenting me on my sense of humor. My ego doesn't need it but my soul thrives on it so


	3. Natural Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's make some more mistakes, shall we?

When you woke up the next morning, you had a few emotions and a few more questions for yourself as you beheld your bedroom. First, an emotion, you wanted to chuck your phone into an endless void where it's blaring alarm couldn't hurt another person the way it would hurt your soul every single morning. Second, another emotion, your whole body felt like each blood cell weighed the same as a cinderblock. You were grateful that you were spared the headache, sensitivity, and acheyness brought on by a normal hangover but it was still unpleasant. Third, a question as to how you got into the clothes you were currently in, as they were not what you had gone out in last night. Fourth, another question, how had you gotten home in the first place? Then fifth, and most importantly, why was there a huge skeleton curled up fast asleep in the corner of your room?

You realized quickly that you had no answers for any of your questions as your night was a blur for the most part. You remembered doing research and going out to the best bar you could find. You remembered Sans was there and he bought you a drink as an apology. Then he warned you about the strength of monster liquors and you had decided to take it as a personal challenge, apparently. Hour schmour, you had thought, you were a grown-ass woman and you would have another drink whenever the hell you so desired and you desired another one two minutes after you had finished the first. They just tasted so stupidly delicious. So you ordered the next drink and you drank it down in a matter of minutes. That was where your night went blurry. One thing you did remember was that you had been hanging off of Sans at some point during the night. You were either laughing hysterically or sobbing. Or both, maybe?

The only thing you knew for certain, though, was that you had gotten sufficiently trashed, and you knew absolutely that there was no way you had made it through the night without looking like a complete imbecile in front of your new coworker. You also still had no idea why he was sleeping on your floor. You checked the time and then glanced over at him. 

You knew that you had be to to school earlier than usual, but shouldn't he be getting up as well so that he could get home and get ready for his day?

You had to get to the school so that you could talk with Toriel before class. You had completely forgotten to ask her because you were a dingus who didn't know how to keep her priorities in line. You really should just keep an actual list of the things you needed to do. You made a quick one in your head.

One, you needed to ask Toriel about Frisk. You were legitimately terrified for your wellbeing if you went into your classroom with no answers for them.

Two, maybe get updated on your shots real quick sometime soon. You know, just in case you did end up disappointing Chara at some point.

Three, you still needed to do that damn research on the monsters in New New Home.

Four, you should probably also wake up that skeleton in your bedroom.

Oh, but you really didn't want to. The things he might know about you now...

You took a deep breath and mustered up all of your courage and then went over to the mass of bones, tapping him on the shoulder a few times. He didn't even shift. You tapped him a few more times.

"Hey, Sans?" You whispered a bit more harshly. He still didn't even rouse in the slightest. "Sans?" You spoke in your normal voice and there was still nothing. You groaned and rubbed your face in frustration. You didn't have time to fight him, so instead you went out to your bathroom.

If you had nothing else (like charisma, social skills, self-esteem, or a purpose in life) you had your hygiene. Your favorite part of the day, after getting over the disaster that was waking up and getting out of bed, was showering and washing yourself. Something about getting nice and squeaky clean just brought a calmness to your soul that made you believe, naively, that your day was actually going to be okay. It never lasted very long, of course, but those eight seconds were always so blissful. 

You took your shower in record time, since you had already lost too much time reorienting yourself to the world and then trying to wake up your coworker. When you got out of the shower you washed your face and brushed your teeth and did your morning routine. It took you just about that long to realize that you hadn't brought your towel or any clean clothes into the bathroom. You also hadn't really given much thought to the fact that you had left an almost complete stranger run rampant in your apartment, if he had even woken up during your time in the bathroom of course. 

You panicked and stared at your door in horror. You knew you had to exit your bathroom to get anything clean to put on your body, either to dry yourself or wear. You did briefly consider using your dirty clothes and walking back out, but that whole idea made your whole body cringe. 

You tried to pacify yourself, at least a little bit. The thing was, you didn't  _ know _ that Sans was even still in your room, nor did you know he wasn't still fast asleep and impossible to wake. So you considered your options. You could just wait in your bathroom until you were absolutely sure he was gone, which you weren't sure how you would really know at any point that he was out of your apartment. Or, you could just step out and pray that he wasn't there. You just knew that you didn't have much more time to wait at this point, you had to get to work. 

You curled in on yourself in frustration and panic a few times, looking around your bathroom desperately for an idea, something, anything.

You eyes landed on your shower curtain.

Well it was certainly an idea, something, and anything.

"Fuck it," you muttered as you pulled your curtain off of the rod and wrapped it around your body.

So, this was your life now. You were going to step out of this bathroom door and that skeleton would see you. This would forever be a memory of you that he would keep in his mind. Three years from now, you could ask him "Hey, what's something you remember about me?" and he could say to you "i remember that time you wore a shower curtain". You could be sixty and he could be telling this story to your grandchildren.

You flushed for a moment. Why were you picturing your grandchildren? 

You pushed that aside and focused on the task at hand. 

You couldn't believe this is what your life had become, but at the same time this was such a You thing to do.

You sucked your breath in through your teeth and pushed the door open, walking out. Some small part of you had hoped, vainly, that you could somehow sneak out of your bathroom and over to your bag of clean clothes and then all the way back to your bathroom like a wet and naked ninja. You had hoped you could have been so fast and sneaky that Sans wouldn't wake or notice you. However, those hopes were completely dashed as soon as you took your first step and the shower curtain made the loudest, most jarring noises you could have imagined throughout your completely silent apartment. The volume of the crinkling of the stiff material could shatter glass, it felt like. You couldn't stop, though. Not now. You were in too deep. You couldn't back down now, you would look weak, and...

Well, you were weak and no one was denying that, but he didn't know that yet probably.

Your mouth was pressed into a stern, straight line as you made your way over to the bag beside your bed that was filled with your clothes. Your eyes stayed straight ahead. You refused to meet the eyes of the skeleton that had startled awake and was now staring at you as you moved across the room wrapped in the swamplands of Dagobah.

"uh..."

You ignored him as you reached into the bag and grabbed the first articles of clothing your hands touched. The first pair of underwear, first bra, first shirt, and first pair of pants. You didn't care if they would match, you usually didn't care much about that most of the time anyway. You remained completely silent as you stood up immaculately straight, your shoulders squared and your head held high as you made your way right back to your bathroom. The curtain remained as loud as a car crash the entire time, but you acted as though this was completely normal.

It was fine. Everything was fine. Your life was fine.

When you were dressed and you exited the bathroom once more, Sans was gone.

~*~

As soon as you got to the school, you made a beeline for Toriel's office. You were glad when it was open and she was already in there, working on some papers. You knocked a few times on the doorway.

"Hey, Toriel?" You asked softly, chewing your lip. You felt badly for interrupting her, but your own personal safety hung in the balance.

"Yes, dear?" She questioned, not looking up from her paper. Oh, good, she was a multitasker. You felt a little better, but you still shifted uncomfortably.

"Well, yesterday I noticed that Chara was a bit distressed over not being in the same class as Frisk and I figured I would at least ask, perhaps, why they couldn't be in my classroom rather than in Sans'?" There. You'd done it. You crossed something important off of your to-do list. You regretted not writing it down so you could physically cross it off, but the mental image sated you for now. You decided you were going to reward yourself tonight. You didn't know how, but you would. Go you!

Toriel took a deep breath and grimaced, "I knew doing this would upset them." She murmured, more to herself than anything, "First and foremost, Frisk is in the younger class anyway. Chara is more educated already than Frisk is, therefore they are in the more advanced class with Asriel. Secondly, I have been a bit fearful of their dependency on Frisk so that also played into my decision to separate the two. I can speak with Chara, if you like--"

And make you out to be a tattle-tale? Hell, no! "No, that's fine, I can speak with them." You assured her. Toriel smiled, still not looking up at you.

"Thank you for caring enough to ask me, dear. It is so very kind of you. I knew you would be a wonderful fit here... You can make Chara aware that Frisk is with their very good friend, MK, in Sans' room and if they do continue to be as distressed as they seemed to be yesterday, just let me know and I will take care of things further." Despite not looking at you, you could feel her genuine appreciation through her words. It was almost enough to make the growing dread in your stomach go away. 

It wasn't, and the dread was eating you alive, but almost.

"Thank you, I'll let them know." You smiled and nodded, hoping the smile on your face would trick the rest of your body and your brain into thinking everything was going to be okay. You stepped out of her office and made your way out to your own classroom. On your way, you noticed Sans in his room with the door wide open. He was leaned back in his chair at his desk, fast asleep. 

Why did his class have to be directly next to yours?

You took a deep breath and stepped into his class. If this discussion was going to happen, which it was, it would happen on your terms. You had considered just having both of you ignoring the fact that the last twenty-four hours had ever even happened and move on with your lives. But at the same time, you had to know what had happened last night for the sake of your own sanity. If you had done something genuinely humiliating, you needed to know. That way you knew whether to simply move out of New New Home, or if you had to assume a new identity entirely and live a new life in Antarctica where only the penguins could judge you.

"Sans?" You called in meekly, shrinking back a bit when he blinked himself awake and glanced over at you, a grin spreading across his face. 

"hey, there. can't be  _ curtain _ , but are those actual clothes you're wearin'?" He grinned at you. Your face flushed bright red and you grimaced.

"Right. Ha, puns..." You murmured, "I was just uh, wondering... why were you in my apartment this morning?" You asked, chewing your lip. He chuckled and shrugged.

"i really didn't think you'd be safe comin' home alone, mostly. you could barely stand upright by the time ya left the bar." Sans explained, "ya kept talkin' 'bout textin' your ex an' gettin' back together all night too. sounded like a bad idea to me, so i took your phone and walked ya home an' stayed there to make sure ya didn't text 'em or manage to maim yourself somehow." He shrugged and you blinked in surprise. You hadn't been expecting that, but it certainly sounded like something you would do. 

"Oh... uhm, okay... wow. Alright. So, what about, uhm, I can remember I was, like, on you at some point?" You admitted, scratching your neck. He nodded.

"yup. when I took your phone you started cryin' about how perfect your ex was and how you absolutely needed to talk to 'em. made sure you didn't, though. you're welcome."  Sans looked more amused than anything else, which you were grateful for. You probably hadn't been very easy for him to deal with all night and yet he had, and you were almost a complete stranger as well. He seemed like a really great guy so far. 

"Well, thank you. A lot, really, that relationship..." Let's not get into your entire life story. "Uh, yeah. Thank you. You saved my ass." Much better. 

"it is a pretty good one," Sans commented thoughtfully and you blinked. Was that a compliment? ... How did he know what your ass looked like? He noticed your expression, "to be fair, i looked away as soon as i noticed what you were doing. but you changed, like, directly in front of me last night." 

You rubbed your face in frustration. Drunk you had no idea what personal boundaries were, apparently. 

"Great. I'm... so sorry, really." You groaned, "Anyway, I should get to my class. The kids are filing in." You explained, "See you, Sans. Uh, sorry again." 

"don't mention it. see ya." He waved to you as you flushed and hurried over to your classroom, taking a seat on your desk and organizing things as all of the children came in and took their seats. You weren't sure what you should do when Chara and Frisk both entered and took the same two seats as the day before. Chara even pushed them together again. You knew Frisk didn't belong in your room, but the thought of having to kick them out made your stomach twist into knots. They were smiling so happily as they sat with Asriel and Chara, and you did take a moment to notice that Frisk did at least appear younger than everyone else, somehow. 

You watched as the last child you needed walked in and took their seat a few seconds before the final bell. You had to send Frisk over to Sans now, you couldn't have an extra student again and you didn't want him to think you were being disrespectful.

"Frisk, sweetie," you called softly, watching as their head popped up and they looked over at you. You saw their lips spread into that same wicked grin and a delighted giggle burst from their little body. You knew that they knew exactly what you were going to say. They quickly shifted to get behind Chara, who adjusted themselves accordingly to make their seat fit two. You could easily see why Sans could only manage to get stern with them, but not actually upset with their antics. They were so incredibly cute and sweet, even when they knew they weren't being obedient, you just couldn't manage to get upset with them. "Come on, you know you belong in Mr. Sans' room." You chastised lightly, smiling at them. You felt Chara's glare on you, but you refused to look at them.

"c'mon, kiddo, listen to teach." You hadn't noticed Sans open your door, so his voice startled you. You looked over at him in surprise and grimaced. You had wished, a little bit, that you could have handled it on your own today. Maybe it would get the kids to respect you a little bit more, knowing that you could get them to do what you wanted without another teacher interfering. 

Frisk whined and pouted, but the edges of their lips twitched as they suppressed their smile. Sans chuckled and grinned, then glanced at you. You smiled at him weakly, then jolted. He winked at you. Why would he wink at you. 

"we can't keep interruptin' teach's class, okay, kiddo?" He stated as Frisk sighed dramatically and climbed out of Chara's seat and finally left with Sans, waving goodbye to Chara and Asriel and the rest of their friends. You didn't have much time to think about Sans' wink because you had a lesson to get through, and you could feel Chara's eyes boring holes into your back. You knew you had explaining to do once your lesson was over. Then, when the time came and the recess bell rang, you took a deep breath as Chara marched right up to your desk, slamming their hands down onto it. 

"What, you didn't feel like asking her or something?" They demanded, sneering at you bitterly. They pulled their arms up to their chest and crossed their arms together. You were a bit offended at the accusation.

"I did, actually," you stated defensively. You had been so proud of yourself for managing to cross something off your to-do list. You didn't take too kindly of someone accusing you otherwise. "Your mother did explain to me that she does have reasons for Frisk to be in another class. Frisk is younger than you and is lower educated than you are. So, they are in Mr. Sans' class. There's nothing more I can do about that, hun, I'm sorry." You explained softly. You were genuinely apologetic, noting how upset Chara was about being separated from their sibling. You did wonder why they were so incredibly attached to them, but figured such issues were best to remain in their family and also be handled there. Chara only scowled deeper. 

"Don't 'hun' me." They muttered, turning to leave your room. You heard them mutter something else as they left, but you couldn't quite make it out properly. You best guess was that they had said "useless human".

Useless human indeed. You wished you could have solved their problem, but it was completely out of your hands. You weren't even halfway through your day and you were already exhausted. You had already humiliated yourself in front of your coworker twice, that you knew of. You had stripped down in front of him first and then you had worn nothing but your shower curtain. Then you pissed off the hellspawn in your classroom through absolutely no fault of your own. You really were just one huge screw up and you didn't know how to stop.

You needed a nap.

You did happen to have a half hour before your next batch of students...

 

Your lips tingled against the magic pair that were pressed against them feverishly. Hands tugged on your clothes and fumbled with buttons as they went to tear them from your body. Your body felt incredibly warm under the touches, despite your blouse being wide open for the more chilly air to nip at. 

You gasped as you heard loud crashes and looked behind you, but you couldn't be upset at the entire contents of your desk being splayed across the floor of your classroom. It didn't matter right then, not as much as the person who stood in front of you. Their hands tugged your blouse off your shoulders and it went to join your ungraded tests and homework.

"heh," the chuckle came from deep in his chest and it only served to drive you more wild for him as you reached up and gripped his hoodie, pulling him down to you once more. He grunted and gripped your ass, lifting you off the ground and seating you on your desk. He leaned over you and pressed you down, his fingers finding the zipper to your skirt and tugging it down frantically. You giggled as he took the hem of your skirt, the open zipper allowing him to rip the fabric down off your hips, leaving you almost completely bare on your desk. You couldn't stop your grin.

"Naughty, naughty," you teased, but he shut you up quickly by kissing you again and slipping his fingers under the elastic waistband of your underwear. You squeaked with glee and nipped at the magic of his lip, enticing him into slipping his tongue into your mouth. The taste was wonderful and the sounds he made as you sucked on it only made you want him more and more. It took him a minute to pull away from you so he could tear your underwear from your body. He gripped your hips desperately, positioning himself between your knees, his breathing ragged. You took this time to notice the bright blue bulge in his pelvis that glowed through his gray sweatpants. You bit your lip in excitement.

"i think you're the naughty one here, kitten," he murmured huskily, looming over you, "you know what they say... spare the rod, spoil the child..." You squirmed in wanting, reaching out and gripping his hip bones as you sat up on your desk to get closer to him. You wanted the rod. You really wanted it.

"Well, you wouldn't want to spoil me, would you?" You hummed breathlessly, your heart hammering against your ribcage as you took the knot in the front of his pants in your fingers, tugging it loose so you could more easily slip his pants down. He watched you do so, taking your jaw in his hand and running his fingers along your mandible as his eyelights followed your fingers. He grinned and leaned down closer to you, tipping your face up to meet his,

"oh, i won't," he murmured softly, "tell me, teach, what do you want me to do?" 

You could only manage another giddy laugh, pointedly tugging on his sweatpants but he didn't give.

"c'mon, kitten. what do you want?" He demanded. The sternness in his voice made your insides twist in excitement. You knew he wouldn't move further until you spoke, so you did.

"I want you to fuck me, Sans. Please." You were practically whimpering.

In one swift movement he had you flipped and bent over your desk, your ass in the air for him. 

"atta girl."

 

"Yo?"

You yelped and startled awake and looked at the group of children before you who had all so nicely taken their seats and waited for you obediently to wake up from your recess nap. You had slept through the bell, apparently. Your face was flushed and your whole body felt extremely warm, and there was a dampness between your thighs that made absolutely sure you remembered the contents of your dream. You took a deep breath and tried to compose yourself.

"H-hello, hun," The yellow child with no arms stood in front of your desk. What was his name again? DJ? JR? LK? You knew it was a combination of two letters, and that he was friends with Frisk. "Sorry, what did you need?" You asked, rubbing your eyes free from your delirium. Your dream was still at the forefront of your mind, but you were doing your best to focus on the child in front of you.

"Yo, just didn't want you to sleep through the whole day, man." He grinned at you, and you were flattered. You wondered why you would even have a dream like that. It wasn't like you were attracted to Sans, he was a goddamn skeleton for cripes sake. Maybe it was your pathetic, lonely little heart taking advantage of the fact that he had done something nice for you and making it all out to be something it wasn't. Damn it, you really didn't need this right now. 

You blinked and looked at the monster kid who was standing in front of you...

Oh! Monster Kid! MK! Got it. Good job, you. "Thank you, dear. Now, uh, go ahead and take your seat and we can start the lesson."

The dream lingered with you for the rest of the day. It was absolute torture as you tried to understand why you had even had it. You were glad that he hadn't come into your classroom again, you didn't know how well you would be able to maintain your composure around him. You'd had a wet dream about another coworker once, back at your old school, and you couldn't look them in the eye for three months. It had been easier then, since they had been on the opposite side of the school as you and you shared very few students. You mostly only saw them in meetings, but they were so sinfully gorgeous that not having a dream about them would have been even more weird.

But Sans was... well, Sans. A skeleton. 

Once all of your students were finally gone for the day, you could nearly hear the C8 singing your name as you made your way to the teacher's lounge. Once you got there, you noticed you were the only one inside. You were pleased for the solitude as you bought your candybar and hunkered down at the table, pulling out your phone to play a stupid mindless game for a few minutes before you would return to your class and do some actual work. Instead of opening the game, however, you noticed a new text message.

**EX DO NOT TEXT:** I miss u

You hated how your heart gave a helpless little flutter at the words. Oh, this was bad. Your mind was off like a rocket. Somehow, despite the fact that you had dumped them, knowing they missed you validated your existence. It meant someone out in the world cared about you, and after humiliating yourself and making yourself someone's arch nemesis, you needed that. Maybe, you considered, that was why you'd had a wet dream about your coworker. It wasn't him, but the simple fact that you were desperate and lonely, and you hadn't had sex in eight months.

You had left one of the only people in the world who you knew cared about you. You dumped them, despite their begging and pleading, and then you went and abandoned the whole of the human race to get away from them. You had been a bit irrational... this was ridiculous! What were you doing here, in the center of the monster community that you knew nothing about? You should go home. You should go back to them. They loved you, you knew they did. They cared about you, they took care of you when you were together. You remembered all the times they would say they loved you...

Shit.

You really missed them too.

But no. You had to be strong. Sans had fought you all night to keep you from doing just this. You knew you broke up with them for a reason. Multiple reasons, actually. None of those reasons could you remember at that specific moment, but they were there and they were valid. You could be strong sometimes, like in that moment you had broken up with them. It had taken you three months to muster up that strength, and the fact that you had maintained it throughout the five hours it took them to stop begging was astonishing. You couldn't ruin all of that progress--

**You:** I miss u 2

Or you could. You could destroy it all in one fell swoop, actually.

You felt badly for a moment, as all of Sans' effort last night to stop you while drunk, you had laid to waste while alone and completely sober. It wasn't like you didn't miss your ex, though. You did. A lot, in fact. You missed having someone to sleep beside at night. You missed having someone to hold your hand and walk you through your panic attacks. You missed having someone that you could tell every single mundane detail about your day, or to tell all of your funny classroom stories. You knew they would get the hugest kick out of your stories about Chara, and you could tell them all about your new monster friends.

Or the could ignore you, just like they had thousands of times before. They could make all of your problems out be be in your head, like you were crazy. They would tell you that you were being dumb and irrational when something genuinely upset you. They could tell you that you were a child who just needed a nap. They could disregard you in every way and demand you listen to their day instead, and how their problems were far more important than yours.

But you missed them so much...

**EX DO NOT TEXT:** U should come over...

You grimaced and bit your lip. Honestly, if you weren't nearly three hours away from them, you would have taken them up on that offer in a heartbeat. You were already hot and bothered from that dream, and clearly your body was craving something of exactly that sort. Your heart hammered in your chest with excitement. 

They wanted you. They really wanted you back, even though you had broken their heart. They still wanted you, out of all of the other options they had...

**You:** I'm kinda... living in the monster community up north, around Mt. Ebott.

**EX DO NOT TEXT:** What! Thats crazy sweetpea. 

Oh. Sweetpea. Your heart fluttered giddily. You had missed that little nickname they had given you. You felt your face go warm.

**You:** I no hahaha! I was hired as a teacher here, so... here i am ahaha

**EX DO NOT TEXT:** maybe i could drive up? come c u?

No. No, you couldn't. You'd be too weak, you would take them back in a second. You knew yourself too well to allow this. You had worked too hard, and they were bad news. No, don't do it. You idiot, don't, stop!

**You:** Yes! ill send you my address in a sec

**EX DO NOT TEXT:** c u in a few hours sweetpea

Girl, were you an earthquake?

Because you were a natural disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO UNDERTALE AAAHHH


	4. Dweeb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans dares to give you a second chance at Grillby's.

Bad you. Bad, bad you. You made the world's most stupid decision in inviting your ex to your place in New New Home, and you had once believed that world record went to your parents for not wearing a condom the night you were conceived (actually, they still had that one. You would settle for the second most stupid decision). Now, you were paying the price for that choice. They had come over and you two were quickly just a tangle of limbs and sweat in your bed. The next morning, they left you without another word. You still had yet to receive another text from them, and it was four days post-beckoning. 

You had been a booty call. To your ex. Whom you had broken up with.

Could you sink any lower than that? 

You didn't want to test it, because you were sure you could. Somehow. You were you, after all.

Accepting your fate as a simple booty call, you decided to drown your sorrows and emotions in oreos, ice cream, and art. You weren't very good at drawing. Every time you saw another artist on the blog site you frequented, you questioned why you ever picked up your tablet and pen. However, drawing was therapeutic for you. You knew you weren't good, and you were fine with that. Drawing gave you an outlet, a break from all the noise in your mind. 

You had about two hundred followers on your art blog, each one loving your filthy smut drawings. Then, of course, there were the inevitable trolls who told you about how disgusting your art was, how you were going to hell and you were a terrible artist. 

_ How can I go to hell when I'm already there? _ You would clap back with your own self-deprecating humor to each troll, validating every single one of their statements, and then you would go to your room and cry for an hour or two. They were right, you knew they were, and each time you considered just throwing your tablet away and sparing the world from ever having to behold your art ever again. You always wound up picking it back up again at the smallest spark of inspiration.

Perched on your floor with your computer monitors settled on two of your empty boxes from your move, the keyboard on the floor and your tablet in your lap, you worked on your most recent piece. It was a recreation of the dream you had of Sans taking you on your desk. Despite unwinding that very night, multiple times, you just couldn't get it out of your head. You squirmed, a tingle running up and down your spine and settling between your hips as you recalled his deep, husky voice calling you 'Teach' and 'Kitten'. Your toes curled and your lips settled into a lecherous smile.

You had to shut your eyes and refocus again. All you had left was a bit more shading and then refinement and it would be good to post. You had never done original content like this before on your blog. You were a fandom-based artist mostly, with any types of pairing being fair game. Yaoi, yuri, any pairing that caught your passions enough to make you draw them. You didn't restrict yourself to one fandom though, you just loved far too many things to do that to yourself. Anime, video games, movies, any fandom that currently held your fancy was fair game. You wondered how your followers would like this. You hoped that they would have mercy on your poor, horny soul and would give you a pass on posting something completely original for once.

Well, kind of original.

Trying to get Sans as accurate as possible, you had looked up a skeletal reference from a medical website. You very quickly realized that, though the brothers were definitely skeletons, they were very different from human skeletons. It wasn't that you had seen very much of them, but from what little you had you noticed their bones, overall, were much thicker and sturdier than the bones in yourself. Their vertebrae, as well as the bones in their hands, were all much bigger than yours. Then, of course, there was the matter of their malleable skulls that expressed much in the same way your own face would. 

You did your best, you really did, and in the end it did look strikingly similar to your boney friend (with a few strategic changes, just in case). Well, could you really call him your friend? You didn't really converse with him, or anyone, outside of school. You had written out a few texts to them every once in awhile, but each one wound up erased. If they wanted to talk to you they would, right? And none of them did, therefore they didn't want to talk to you. Why would they even want to be your friend in the first place? 

You sighed in defeat and continued your drawing. Nearly two hours later, after painstaking shading and refining, you were done. You scooched back from your computer screen and just appreciated your masterpiece for a moment. It was pretty hot, if you did say so yourself. You, or at least the persona you had created to replace you visually in your pornographic art blog, were pressed down over your desk with your ass in the air at Sans' mercy. He had your white blouse crushed in one of his hands as it held you down at the small of your back, his other hand gripping your hip to keep you in your place as he buried his magic blue cock into your soaked core. You bit your lip and let out a quiet sound of pleasure as you remembered your dream once more. 

You were even more impressed with yourself over how the clothes had turned out. Usually you weren't very good with clothes, something about lighting and wrinkles usually threw you off and made your art look weird. However, this time you were pretty sure you had gotten it right. It helped that you had the vivid picture in your mind, but that didn't make it any less of an accomplishment. Overall, you just enjoyed the sight of yourself almost naked, still wearing your black pumps and blouse as Sans stood behind you, still completely clothed with only his pants hanging around his knees, far too eager to ravage you to waste time removing his own clothes. 

For a moment it dawned on you that you were having sexual fantasies about a skeleton. A  _ skeleton _ .

Then again, you and your fandom-drenched soul were so filled with different kinks that thinking a skeleton was hot was a mere drop of near-pure water in the cesspool that was the things you got off too. Drawing a skeleton taking you doggy-style was biblical work compared to some of the other filth you had drawn for your various fandoms.

You felt your heart start to race with exhilaration and excitement as you went to your blog and created the post with your newest creation. You added the appropriate tags, added a little witty snippet,  _ "Don't spare the rod" _ , and then you finally posted it.

You took a few deep breaths, your mouth twisting into an anxious smile. You put one of your fingers in your mouth and bit down on it to ground yourself, staring at your artwork some more. You chewed on your fingernail until it started to hurt. Then you refreshed the page, wondering if anyone had seen it yet and liked it. 

No, of course not, you self important dweeb. You literally posted it a minute ago, it had really only been sixty seconds. Your followers didn't hang off of your every post. It was going to take a little longer for any of them to respond, give them a little while. You wished you had even one singular patient bone in your body.

You heard your heartbeat in your ears and popped another fingertip between your lips, chewing. You had to distract yourself somehow. You grabbed your mouse and opened a new tab, going to a different meme sharing website and you started browsing. However, it was hard to focus when you were so pent up wondering if people would like your work. You had put so many hours into it, you just wanted to know if it was all worth it. Unable to help yourself, you went back to your post and refreshed it again. Still nothing. 

Shit.

They hated you. It had been a full ten minutes and your post didn't have a single like or reblog or comment, absolutely nothing. They all hated you, you knew they would. You should have just stuck with your fandom porn, that's what they had all followed you for in the first place. That's what they wanted from you, it's what they expected. Fuck, you were so dumb. Your heart went to your throat and you choked on it, your anxiety suffocating you. Shit. Shit. You should just take it down, maybe the damage was salvageable. Remove it now, any of your followers who had yet to see it wouldn't have the chance to hate you. 

You scrambled for the delete button, your anxiety making your movements harsh and shaky. You were halted when your phone rang. You plucked it up and everything felt a hundred times heavier.

It was Sans.

_ He knew. _

You didn't know how, you didn't know why, but somehow he got his hands on your art and he hated you. He was going to kill you for exploiting him like this. But how had he found out? Did he follow you? ... Was he into it?

Fuck. Shit.

You accepted the call and brought it up to your ear. "... Hello?" You asked hesitantly, noticing your voice had raised a pitch or two in your panic. You tried to reign in your poor, vastly overworked heart as you tried to calm yourself down. You knew you were being completely irrational, but that didn't stop your body from reacting as though you were currently in immediate danger. 

"sup?" Sans' cool voice helped ease your worries just a bit. He didn't sound angry, or even upset. He was just casual, a friend asking a friend what was going on. Thank the good lord almighty on high. 

"Uh, well, nothing really. Just... working on some things and dicking around on my day off, as per usual." You hovered the cursor over the delete button still. Maybe, perhaps, you could give it just five more minutes. Maybe, perhaps, you weren't really complete shit. You were so proud of your piece, and you had worked so hard on it, you owed it to yourself to give it a little bit longer. At least one other person in the world might appreciate it.

"good deal. then you're comin' to paps' party tonight at our place. pregame at grillby's with me." Your eyes narrowed at the statements, because that's what they were. Statements. He wasn't asking you to come to the party, or to go to Grillby's. He was telling you that was what was going to happen. You didn't know how to feel. You were not a party person by any means, you were the awkward person who wound up in the corner bonding with the housepets because you were a friend-of-a-friend who had somehow found yourself in a series of unfortunate events that placed you at the party in the first place. You didn't go to parties, nor did you get invited to parties. 

However, something about the lack of a real choice in the matter made you feel better about it. 

You stared at your post on the screen. Well, going out would certainly help you keep your mind off of it for a little while. Then, when you got back to your place that night you could refresh it and be overwhelmed with compliments and likes and shares...

Or you could return to three hundred fewer followers and comments riddling your piece about how awful you were and how disgusting it was and how miserable your afterlife would be due to your sins. That was more likely, far more likely. Your nose wrinkled up and you gave a heavy sigh.

"Sure. Yeah, whatever, I'll go. Sounds great." You didn't know why Sans would ever consider drinking with you again after what you had put him through, but you wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. Or a skeleton monster in the mouth... Maybe you would, actually, because now you were curious as to what that looked like... 

You shook your head. You'd interacted with this guy a handful of times and pretty much every single time you had, you'd made an absolute fool of yourself. You didn't think he'd take too kindly to some weirdo human asking to see the inside of his mouth. 

You would go out drinking with him and it would be fun. At the very least the drinks would intoxicate the butterflies that waged war in your abdominal cavity to a degree that they couldn't fly straight any longer and might just pass out, finally leaving you alone. 

"great. see ya in ten." He sounded oh so very smug. 

You glanced down at yourself. The only clothing that graced your body was a massively oversized, stained and disgusting t-shirt. Your hair was an absolute mess, and you needed to wash your face. You couldn't recall brushing your teeth that morning either. On top of all of that, the walk from your place to Grillby's would take you at least fifteen minutes.

"Sure, see you in ten." You agreed and hung up.

Great, now you were either going to look like an inconsiderate asshole, or an idiot if you did decide to text him and tell him you'd actually be much later than that.

A groan slipped from your chest as you stood up from your computer and went to your bathroom. You stared at yourself in the mirror as you brushed your teeth and tamed your hair. You took a minute to run a cleansing wipe over the greaseball some of the more undereducated people might guess was a face. You then went to your bedroom and rummaged through your bag of clothes, throwing on a t-shirt from one of your more widely-accepted fandoms and then a pair of your favorite torn up jeans. You took a second to look yourself over in a mirror, then tore your eyes away from yourself. You knew that no matter what you put on you'd never think you looked good by any means. 

You made your way out to your entryway and slipped on your favorite pair of nearly completely worn-through sneakers that had definitely seen better days. Finally, your grabbed your ID and some cash and shoved it into one of your pockets and then put your phone in your bra. Ever since #bendgate, you had been far too paranoid about putting your phone in your back pocket. 

When you were all ready, you texted Sans and let him know you were about fifteen minutes out when you were already ten minutes late. He shot you back a quick 'k'. 

You walked to Grillby's, trying to go a bit faster so he wouldn't have to wait too long for you. When you made it you hurried up to the door and made absolutely sure to push on it.

Except, that was precisely the thing you had done wrong the first time. The bright red "PULL" letters mocked you as the door held firm against your shoves.

" _ Fuck my sweet virgin asshole. _ " You cursed under your breath. 

"well, i mean, if you insist, but you should really buy a guy dinner first." Sans' voice came from behind you as he reached out for the door you clung so desperately to.

Okay. Alright. You could die now.

You were done. No need to suffer anymore. You were ready to be put out of your misery, exactly like a horse with a broken leg.

You turned and looked up at Sans, your mouth agape and your eyes wide with horror. "I... I-i..."

Sans laughed, "i know, i know. jeez, you're more tightly wound than a kitten in a dog fight." Sans grinned down at you. You were too mortified to linger on the fact that he had just compared you to a kitten. "you really gotta relax a little. c'mon," he pulled the door open and let you inside. As you stepped in you searched the bar for various ways you might be able to off yourself. It would be an easier feat if, perhaps, you had done any of that research you kept telling yourself you needed to do. You'd know exactly which monster to pick a fight with.

"S-sorry..." you muttered softly, your face growing bright red as you made your way up to the bar and took the same seat you had a few nights before. Sans sighed and sat beside you, ordering you another Good One and then himself a Bloody Magic. Grillby looked you over, amusement on his face as he made you your drink. Sans chuckled.

"nothin' to apologize about. i told you to relax, didn't i?" He glanced down at your hands you had placed in your lap as you wrung them together anxiously. When you noticed him staring you stopped and dug your fingernails into the soft flesh of your palms instead.

"Sor--" you stopped yourself from apologizing again, for apologizing. You cleared your throat, the mild sting from your hands helping you get out of your head. "Uh, thank you. F-for inviting me out, I mean. I wasn't really expecting you to ask me to go, y'know, anywhere with you after... what happened." You admitted awkwardly, eyeing the drink Grillby placed in front of you like it had murdered your long lost twin brother in cold blood. 

You saw Sans' grin spread a bit wider. "s'no problem. paps was gunna invite you to the party anyway. i figured you'd want a drink first, before you're thrown into the clutches of, y'know,  _ that _ group of people. they can get pretty intense sometimes, and you seem a bit..." He looked thoughtful as you looked you over, his eyes lingering on your hand where your fingernails bit into your skin. "stressed. delicate, maybe. helpless... like a kitten." 

There it was again. Kitten. That was twice in one afternoon he had called you exactly what he had called you in your dream. Were you some kind of psychic? Your mind went back to your drawing and you itched to pull out your phone and check on your post again. However, that was most definitely something you should not do directly in front of one of your drawings' stars, who didn't know he was a star.

"anyway, teach, why don't you nurse that drink,  _ slowly _ , for a little bit. it'll help you unwind, which you desperately need, and then afterward we can head on over to me an' my bro's place for the party." He accepted his drink from Grillby and took a drink, "sound good?" He offered thoughtfully, watching you with blatant amusement as you nodded and took a meek sip of your drink. He seemed pleased with your compliance. "grillbz, go ahead and put these on my tab, will ya?" Grillby nodded, but you shook your head quickly, swallowing down your delicious mouthful.

"No! Oh, no, it's fine, I have money. You don't have to--"

"s'fine, teach, ya just moved here. i don't mind at all. 'sides, i made you come out with me anyway." Sans allowed coolly.

You frowned, digging your heels in. "No. I can't just let you keep buying my drinks. Besides, I really do owe you for what you did for me. You put up with a lot, I know I'm not exactly the easiest person to deal with... In fact, I'm going to pay for your drink instead, and then we'll be even." You stated, pulling your money from your pocket and going to hand it over to Grillby. However, Sans' hand shot out and caught your wrist. His grip was firm, but gentle so as not to hurt you. 

"alright, i'll make you a deal," he eased your hand back to your lap and you begrudgingly let him, holding your money in your fist. "why don't we play a game, then? winner chooses who pays." He offered, resting an elbow in the bar and leaning on it as he watched you reluctantly shove your money back into your pocket. You were up for a challenge, and it at least made it a bit more fair. 

You took another sip of your drink. As it filled you, you could feel it melting away the tenseness in your muscles and erase the anxiety that usually set itself like a rock in your belly. You felt more confident, like it was easier to breathe and speak without thinking and overthinking everything before and after you said it. You were able to sit up a bit straighter and you looked Sans over, as though sizing him up. "Okay, deal. What's the game?" His grin twitched eagerly.

"Never have I ever." He stated, "Five fingers up." 

You quirked a brow in amusement, turning to face him a bit more as you played with the straw in your drink. "You know, I thought I only taught fifth grade. I didn't think I was currently in the class." You gave a soft laugh, your body feeling a bit lighter. Sans gave an innocent shrug.

"gunna put yer fingers up or not?" He asked, taking another drink and glancing at your hands. You sighed and raised up your right hand, since it was the farthest from your drink. You felt his eyes fixate on the four deep red crescents you had dug into your palms, but you quickly disregarded that. It wasn't the worst you had done.

"Since it was your idea, I'm gunna start." You had the tactical advantage, being the first to go. Sans chuckled and agreed. 

"sounds fair."

You smirked and thought for a moment. "Uh, never have I ever..." You pursed your lips, deep in thought. You didn't know how far he would feel comfortable going. This game did tend to get a bit racy, but you wanted to start it off innocent. "Never have I ever had a brother." 

"good one," Sans allowed as he folded his thumb in. "alright, never have i ever... kissed a human." You pursed your lips at the low blow and put your thumb in as well. 

"I see how this is going to go," you huffed, giving an amused smile despite yourself. You racked your brain for another statement that would cause him to put down his finger and not you. You didn't know why it was so difficult, the two of you lead two completely different lives up to this point. Somehow, though, you could only think of things related to teaching, and you both were teachers. You took a deep breath, then one popped into your head. "Never have I ever lived underground." Sans laughed as he set down his index finger. 

"you got no mercy, do ya?" He seemed more amused than annoyed, at least. His grin was infectious and you couldn't help but return it. "how's about... never have i ever fucked a human." 

You blinked. Hearing something so crass from his mouth, in the deep timbre of his voice, made warmth pool between your hips once more. He noticed your expression as you stared at him in surprise. He quirked a brow, his eyes lingering on your index finger as you slowly folded it down. 

You hoped that one didn't remain the truth for too long.

Wow, you needed to calm down. You just met this guy, and he was a  _ monster _ .

"Uh... uhm," your frazzled brain worked through the static of desire and alcohol. You blinked and took a breath to clear your mind for a moment. "Never have I ever walked around with exposed bone." You smirked, proud of yourself as Sans tucked in his middle finger. However, his grin was a bit unsettling as he tapped his fingers against his teeth. Your face filled with color when you realized what you had done.

"put'cha finger down, teach," he teased with a deep chuckle erupting from his chest. You had just screwed yourself over. There was no coming back from a mistake like that. This game was meant for many more people so that specifically targeted statements couldn't be used, like the two of you were. You took a deep breath as your middle finger tucked in with the others. You prayed that Sans knew little enough about you to take down the rest of them. Sans took a drink of his Bloody Magic, and you decided to take a dip of your own as well. You needed it. "never have i ever... stayed in a toxic relationship for six years."

You sputtered, nearly shooting your drink out through your nose. "How did you--"

"finger down."

You scowled as one of the last two remaining soldiers bowed out of the game. He proudly wiggled his two at you mockingly. "How did you know that?" You demanded again, confused and embarrassed. 

Sans shrugged again, "you have very loose lips while smashed out of your wits. i never even asked, you just offered up your whole life story on a silver platter. i must be real easy to talk to, i guess." He chuckled as you pressed your face into your palm miserably. It did sound like something you would do. 

"Right, right..." You huffed, irritated at yourself mostly. "Never have I ever, I dunno, run a hot dog stand." You were throwing in the towel. You were going to lose anyway, it didn't matter anymore. You were surprised as Sans put down another finger. "Wait, what, really? You ran a hot dog stand?" 

Sans nodded, "hot dogs, hot cats, sold anything that made me a few gold." He smoothly shifted in his seat so that he faced you fully, his pinky perched up in the air and a wicked grin on his face. You felt dread fill your bones, reading his expression. He didn't look particularly pleased anymore as he trained his eyes on your now quivering form. "never have i ever accepted an invitation from the person i just dumped, despite the painstaking efforts of a good samaritan to keep me on the straight and narrow." He eyelights disappeared into the deep black voids of his eye sockets. You shrunk back into your seat, hesitating. 

Sans leaned in a bit closer to you, "finger. down. now."

You obeyed.

"I didn't mean to!" You insisted weakly, a horrible feeling overtaking you. You had disappointed him and wasted all of his time by caving into your ex the day after he had done everything to prevent you from texting them. "I didn't... they're just so persuasive! A-and being here, I got so lonely and... and they were being so nice to me! I just--I just--I'm not a strong person. I... I'm so weak... I'm so sorry, Sans, I am. I just... I'm sorry..." You didn't have an actual defense to give him. You could only sit there and apologize. "Y-you'll be happy to know they haven't actually texted me since... I was just a booty call..." You muttered with immense shame, taking a deep drink from your glass that was nearly empty now. 

Sans nodded and finished his own glass, ordering another. "drinks're on my tab, grillbz." He stated, still looking at you. "'m not mad atcha, teach. just wanted to know for sure. i, uh, dropped by your place that night and heard... sounds. wasn't too sure if it was your ex er not. you can relax, honest. i'll just hafta try a li'l harder from now on." He chuckled, giving your shoulder a playful shove. You were confused. Why did he even care at all about your relationship? 

"Try harder? At what?" Your face twisted with confusion. 

Sans sighed again, amused. "look, teach, yer one of us now." He slid your drink a bit closer to you. You took the hint and held it tight, nursing it as he spoke. "my bro likes ya. toriel likes ya. kiddo likes ya. i like ya too, even when you're apologizing for what i can only understand is existing. our friends like ya. that makes ya one of us, and we all look out for one another. that includes, but is not limited to, making sure we don't get back together with our piece of shit exes. and, from what i hear, that ex of yours was a doozy." 

You stared up at Sans and felt your eyes grow dewey. You could almost cry. It was just so nice to hear that someone cared about you. Hearing that your coworkers liked you, and that Frisk liked you. You couldn't remember the last time someone had affirmed your value like that. With the people you had known, you guessed it was always just implied that they liked you. Now here Sans was, telling you outright. You felt like you were usually just too busy apologizing to the people you loved for whatever stupid mistakes you had made that day to ever be told that you were a person of value.

You faced away from Sans and blinked, swiping at your eyes to catch the tears that threatened to fall. You big stupid sap. 

You looked back at Sans and smiled. "Thank you. That... that means a lot to me, to have someone... say that." Sans worked on finishing his second drink, giving a nonchalant shrug. 

"truth's the truth." You blushed and nodded. You would usually disregard compliments about your self worth, but you felt like Sans wouldn't accept that from you and you didn't feel like arguing. Instead, you finished your drink as he did the same. Grillby went to make you each another and Sans stopped him. "nah, this one's on a one drink limit for a bit." He glanced at you teasingly, chuckling. Grillby just nodded and took the glasses away. "we should go, paps is waitin'." He got to his feet and offered you his hand. You took it with a faint blush, lingering for a moment on the odd texture of his bones. They felt smooth for the most part, with the faintest grooves from what you could only guess were scratches. You hopped off your stool as well and the two of you made your way over to the door.

"How far is your place from here?" You wondered, noting he was still holding your hand. If you hadn't had that drink, you would most certainly be freaking out over the skeletal comedian touching you at all. Sans glanced back at you with that grin of his, like he knew a fantastic joke and was leaving you out. 

"don't worry about it, i got a shortcut." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me your thoughts and feedback, it's the best part of my day! <3


	5. Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freak out with your geek out.

Well, it wasn't as though you had even been worrying about it in the first place. It really wasn't until Sans said it so casually that you even did start to worry at all. Why would you need a shortcut? What type of shortcut would you be utilizing? How far away did he and his brother live exactly? Why was he being so weird about a shortcut?

You had so many questions and you were incredibly confused, and it only got worse as you walked through the door to exit Grillby's. 

"jus' keep walkin' an' you'll be fine." 

You hadn't really been planning on stopping?

Then it hit you like a wall of bricks. As you stepped outside, a feeling like static and needles overcame your whole body and your vision blanked out. Your brain stuttered and you stopped walking, only to feel your arm jerked forward and you fell forward, stumbling as your knees slammed into the grass and you braced yourself on your palms. 

Wait, grass? You were in the city, there wasn't grass.

You blinked a few times as your vision slowly faded back in. You refocused by staring at your fingers as they curled into the vivid green turf. 

"sorry, teach, it--it hits people in real different ways." Sans crouched beside you and held your arm gently, "you alright? need anythin'? i gotcha." Reorienting yourself was the hardest part. Your body shook and you took deep breaths. You finally looked up and found yourself in front of a lovely log cabin-esque home. It was nice, but you had never seen something like that anywhere close to Grillby's. In fact, you were pretty sure you were on the other side of town entirely. 

You blinked, processing in silence for a moment as you brought yourself back up to your feet with Sans holding your arm for stability. "... What did you put in my drink?" 

"don't worry about it."

Well, you had been joking, but your head jerked to look at him. He chuckled, shaking his head.

"kiddin'. 's'just a little magic."

"So you guys can teleport?" You asked, flabbergasted. How was the whole world not talking about the fact that teleportation was real now? Instead they insisted on reporting about how violent and terrifying the new monster overlords were. However, you had yet to ever read an article that didn't rely heavily on conjecture to make out the monsters to be the aggressors.

"no. i have shortcuts. 's'all." He only appeared amused at your confusion. "c'mon, kitten, they're waitin'." He insisted and slowly coaxed you up to the door and then finally inside.

"NEW HUMAN, YOU HAVE ARRIVED. SPLENDID!" Papyrus sounded absolutely delighted as he ran over and embraced you. He scooped you up into his arms with no hesitation or difficulty, hugging you against his ribs and sternum. You gasped at the sudden display of affection, "I APOLOGIZE FOR NOT SPENDING MORE TIME WITH YOU. I AM KEPT VERY BUSY DURING THE DAY WITH THE STUDENTS, AND THEN AFTER THE STUDENTS LEAVE I FIND THAT YOU'VE GONE MISSING." You were set back onto the ground after a moment of his boney hug. 

You blushed a bit, rubbing your neck. You did kinda hide after work, but if he had ever done some heavy searching he would usually have found you in the neglected teacher's lounge munching on a snickers bar. 

"Sorry, Papyrus, I do tend to run home as soon as I can, I suppose. You can always text me, though, if you wanted to find me." You offered thoughtfully. Because evidently you were unable to reject someone when they beckoned for you over text, no matter who they were. Papyrus didn't seem bothered in the least, and at your offer he grinned.

"I WILL DO JUST THAT EACH TIME I AM IN SEARCH OF YOU. IF YOU WOULD LIKE, THE GREAT PAPYRUS COULD ALSO SEND YOU A MESSAGE IN SEARCH OF JOVIAL CONVERSATION AS WELL. I WASN'T SURE IF YOU WERE ONE OF THE TALKATIVE TYPE HUMANS." 

You smiled, enjoying how thoughtful he was. That must be why you never got any texts from any of them. Truly, you weren't a hugely talkative person, especially small talk. 

You took the moment to actually look around and you found that the home had a very open floorplan. The kitchen was on the opposite side of the house in a little alcove underneath the second floor, where you could see right up and find three doors. To your left was an open living room where you saw Undyne and the small lizard woman from the meeting. They waved at you.

You grinned. It was your anime buddy!

However, five people wasn't really much of a 'party'. "So, what's the party for, anyhow? Who's coming?" You wondered curiously. Papyrus looked delighted.

"FOR A CELEBRATION OF A SUCCESSFUL FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL, OF COURSE. BUT, REALLY, IT'S LESS OF A PARTY AND MORE OF US WATCHING TELEVISION AND EATING FOOD." That was definitely your kind of party. "I DID INVITE TORIEL AS WELL, HOWEVER SHE WOULD RATHER STAY HOME WITH HER CHILDREN, WHICH I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND." Papyrus shrugged, "I WILL GET THE FOOD, PLEASE MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE!" The tall skeleton disappeared into the kitchen as Sans led you over to the couch where Undyne and the lizard woman were setting up the television.

"Heya. Hear all the kids are callin' you Miss Human? They're a buncha shits, aren't they?" Undyne laughed, knuckling you in the shoulder. You assumed it was a very weak motion for her, but tears bit your eyes. That was definitely going to bruise. 

You gave a laugh to cover up the pain, "Yeah, they do. It's fine, though. It kinda works out. Miss Human. Mishuman. Incorrectly human. Fits me." You smirked.

"O-oh! Wordplay, that's really fun. No w-wonder you and Sans g-get along." The shorter woman spoke up, then held out her hand to you. "Hello! I'm Al-Alphys. I never got to in-introduce myself before!" You noticed she trembled ever so slightly and you eagerly took her proffered hand, shaking it. You did your best to reign in your excitement, so delighted to finally really meet her. 

"Yes, I'm so sorry that I never got back to you for your questions!" You heard Sans clear his throat pointedly. Right, you had to stop apologizing. You turned to him with a guilty look, "Sor--" He gave you a withering look at the word died in your throat. This was going to be a very difficult habit to break.

"It's perfectly f-fine! First week of sc-school is pretty busy. But we're here n-now!" You felt a grin spread over your face as you nodded in agreement. Sans, satisfied, took a seat on the couch, pressing himself against the arm and resting his elbow on it, placing his mandible in his palm and shutting his eyes. He really could just fall right asleep when and wherever he wanted, couldn't he?

"That's very true." You said as you turned back to look at Alphys. Undyne stood behind her, her hand resting on Alphys' shoulder affectionately. "So you said something about anime? What do you watch?" You wondered, then watched as Undyne stiffened and gripped Alphys a little harder. There was complete, unbridled fear on her face as she looked down at the much shorter woman. Alphys' eyes went wide and her grin even wider.

"Oh my godness." She breathed, "O-oh my stars, where do I even begin? Well, it's more likewhatDON'TiwatchreallyILOVEMewMewKissyCutieOBVIOUSLYbecauseit'stheBESTanimeevercreatedanditwastheonlyonthatmadeittotheundergroundBUTTHENICAMETOTHESURFACE--"

"Alphy, breathe!" Undyne interrupted her, concern riddling her face, "Babe, we talked about this. You're gunna pass out again if you keep doing that." Alphys nodded sheepishly, sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

"S-sorry, dear." Alphys looked up at Undyne, and the buff fish woman leaned down, placing a sweet kiss on her lips. 

_ Ooohhh. _ Things made a lot more sense now. They were so freaking cute you could die right then and there. You shipped it. You shipped it real good.

Already, your mind filled with so many things you wanted to draw, but you had to stop for a moment and remember these were real life people. Then again, it wasn't like you hadn't already drawn something with one of the group's members... or one of the group's member's member.

Alphys turned back to you, "S-so what do you watch?" She asked you meekly.

Oh, it was your turn now. 

You took a deep breath, racked your brain quickly, "I don't even know where to start, honestly. Uh, maybe with the first shows I ever watched? You know, the basic introductory shows like Dragon Ball, Yugi Oh, Naruto, One Piece, Shaman King, Pokemon, Digimon--" You went on for a good ten minutes, trying to recall every single anime you had ever watched and it helped that you moved chronologically. Alphys only grew more and more delighted with each one you listed. You noticed her brows pucker a few times, which meant you had watched a few she hadn't and you couldn't wait to introduce her. You were really going to like her. 

"D-did you say Fushigi Yugi? I-I haven't ever met another person who's seen that one! Oh, my goodness, I have s-so much to discuss with you about it!"

"Yes! Oh, my goodness gracious, please! Hold on, oh goodness, I have to show you this..." You trailed off as you whipped your phone out of your bra, crouching on the ground beside Alphys. Undyne went and joined Papyrus in the kitchen to help with the food while you pulled up your blog site. You froze when the first thing that popped up blatantly across your screen was your post from earlier. Your brain short-circuited. Alphys' face turned bright red as she stared.

"So... y-you... you're... ActualFleshGarbage88?" She asked you hesitantly, her voice very low and quiet so no one else could hear her. You glanced up at her, your eyes going wide as saucers. Nowhere on your phone screen was your username portrayed, which meant she had to know it some other way. She didn't look nearly as horrified as you had anticipated. Instead, she pulled out her own phone and opened up the same website. 

"PervyPescatarian69?" You whispered in return, "I love your posts! Your insight into the different shows and how their art complements the stories are mindblowing!" You insisted. Alphys laughed nervously.

"Y-yeah, just d-don't tell... anyone... uh, they d-don't understand... us." She gave a soft laugh and put her phone away as you did the same, your face still bright red but you felt so much better about yourself. You couldn't believe you had just met one of your followers, whom you had also followed. Crazy world you lived in. "N-now I definitely have w-way more questions for you! Especially r-regarding today's post, b-but such discussions c-can wait." 

"WHY ARE YOU TWO WHISPERING OVER THERE? WHAT ARE YOU DISCUSSING?" Papyrus wondered as he walked out with trays of munchies for the movie. He noticed how you two were keeping your voices low to avoid eavesdropping. Neither of you two needed to be outed just yet. You blinked and smiled up at Papyrus sweetly. 

"Nothing! Just some anime stuff you guys wouldn't understand." You insisted, trying not to appear as nervous as you felt. You shoved your phone back into your bra for safekeeping. It was best if you just never opened it up in front of other people.

Papyrus seemed almost hurt, "WE HAVE WATCHED SEVERAL OF THE ANIMES. ALPHYS SHARES THEM WITH US FREQUENTLY. IN FACT, TONIGHT WE ARE WATCHING THE NEWEST MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE MOVIE!" He stated and you looked to Alphys in surprise.

"Have you not seen it yet?" 

She shook her head, "I'm n-not the R-Royal Scientist anymore, not s-since Dr. G-Gaster returned, but I h-help him over the summer. I just d-didn't have the time." She shrugged with a great amount of shame. 

You blinked, "Oh, wow, no, I had no idea you were that... yanno, huge! That's crazy. You must be, like, really smart." 

Alphys snorted and laughed bashfully, "I mean, I guess, a l-little..." You noticed a sprinkle of a blush blossoming over her cheeks. She was just too cute. 

"Alphy, you showin' off again?" Undyne laughed as she entered from the kitchen as well, placing down a few bowls of chips on the coffee table. "Isn't she the smartest, though? Wingdings, Schmingdings, amirite? She's the most brilliant person  _ ever _ !" Undyne announced, wrapping an arm around Alphys' shoulders and giving her an eskimo kiss. You dared to say they couldn't get any more cute, but you were eager to be proven wrong.

You heard Sans snort, but you weren't sure if he was snoring or not.

"Anyway, I'm really glad I get to watch your reactions to the movie. Good thing you told me you hadn't seen it, else I'd've accidentally said spoilers or something." You hummed, watching as Papyrus took a seat on the couch opposite his brother. Alphys, still blushing, nodded. 

"Did you like it?" 

You pressed your lips shut, a wide smile still spread across your face. You would say nothing, wanting her to go through the movie completely unbiased. 

Undyne took Alphys and sat in front of the coffee table, pulling Alphys down into her lap. The lizard monster complied, making herself comfortable in her lover's lap happily. Undyne encircled her legs around Alphys, creating a fishy nest to perch in. They just got cuter, and you couldn't be happier.

Then something dawned on you. 

PervyPescatarian69.

Pervy Pescatarian.

_ Because she only eats fish. _

You couldn't stop it, and you didn't have it in you to want to. You snorted with raucous laughter, doubling over and clutching the closest thing to you for support--Sans' leg. It was just so clever. You and she had followed one another for so long and you had always believed she was just exceptionally passionate about her dietary habits. It was just clever wordplay the whole time and it was just too fucking funny. 

"gunna make it, teach?" You didn't know if it was your laughter that had roused him, or your death grip on his femur. You tried to speak and attest to how alright you were, but only a whining laugh escaped in the midst of your breathless giggle fit.

"ARE YOU OKAY, NEW HUMAN? WHAT IS SO FUNNY?"

You attempted to muffle yourself, but you only wound up creating a sound through your nose reminiscent of a weed-wacker making love to a revving car engine.

"D-do you need water?" 

You finally managed to catch your breath as you calmed, having earned the stares of everyone in the room. You felt a flush wash over your cheeks and you swiftly released Sans' leg.

"DID I MISS SOMETHING?" Papyrus wondered. Perhaps he hadn't really been paying much attention and felt something had slipped by him. "DID SANS MAKE AN ACTUALLY FUNNY JOKE FOR ONCE?" He asked bluntly. You snickered in return, the fit threatening a resurgence but you gained hold of yourself quickly. That drink really did wonders for your sense of humor.

"No," you laughed softly, then swiftly realized that with the way the question had been phrased, you just insulted Sans' comedic prowess. After everything he had done for you in the past weak, he didn't deserve such a jab from you. You floundered to correct yourself, "Th-that's not to say he isn't--"

"s'fine, teach, don't sweat it. we know whatcha meant." Sans spoke up before you could dig yourself into a verbal grave. You nodded and chewed your lip, trying to find out where to sit. There was only the place between the two brothers and the floor beside your new OTP. Papyrus spoke up quickly.

"SIT NEXT TO ME, I WILL SHARE WITH YOU ALL OF THE SUBTLETIES OF WHICH YOU MIGHT MISS IN THE MOVIE. I AM QUITE PERCEPTIVE." He insisted, patting the couch beside him. You smiled and took the seat happily, pulling your knees up to your chest and getting comfortable. Having already seen the movie, you knew it would be interesting to hear Papyrus' point of view and unique insights. From how he spoke about it, this must be something he did often and the others would be used to it by now. Talking during movies was something you were most definitely guilty of too, especially when it was something you were passionate about. 

"Maybe I could share some of my ideas too?" You offered hopefully. His eyes practically sparkled with glee. 

"YES, I WOULD LOVE THAT, NEW HUMAN. WITH THE TWO OF US COMBINED, THERE IS NOTHING THAT COULD POSSIBLY SLIP BY UNNOTICED." He declared proudly, grabbing a bowl of popcorn and tucking it between the two of you to share. Alphys worked on setting up the movie.

"hot dog?" You glanced over at Sans as he placed a remarkably brown sausage with a dog face and ears carved into one end in a bun. You immediately recalled how he had told you he ran a hot dog stand before, in the Underground. You hadn't had a professionally made hot dog in a very long time.

"Sure!" You chirped.

"ketchup?"

"Duh, of course. D'you have relish too?" 

The look Sans gave you was one of abject horror. You were absolutely sure his eyelights had completely disappeared for a moment. "relish... on a 'dog?"

You blinked in surprised at his completely disproportionate reaction, "You've never had relish on a hotdog before? Are you kidding? Papyrus, do you have relish here?" You asked, shocked. The tall skeleton only looked confused as he shook his head. 

"NO? I DO NOT THINK SO? I DON'T BELIEVE I HAVE EVER EVEN HEARD OF THAT. WHAT IS IT?" 

These poor, depraved creatures had never had the joy that was relish. Oh, you were going to teach them some things. 

"Goodness. Never had relish... okay, well, what about sauerkraut?" More blank looks. "Peanut butter?" Still nothing. "Okay, that's it. I need to check out one of your stores and find out exactly what you guys don't have, then I'm going to a human supermarket and getting all of it. I will personally make sure all of you experience the magic of human culinary discoveries." 

"I LOVE CULINARY DISCOVERIES. I MAKE THEM ALL THE TIME. I AGREE WITH YOU, HUMAN, AND I WOULD BE HAPPY TO JOIN YOU AT THE GROCERS." 

"M-me too! I could d-do some research too, to help!" Alphys piped up.

"Sounds like a plan," you felt the excitement thrill in your chest. You were already planning on hanging out again with the new people. Which meant they would want to see you again. It was like you had friends. Maybe you did have friends.

Go, you!

"Got it, all setup now. Let's st-start the movie?" Alphys stated, pressing play as Sans handed you the hot dog smothered in ketchup. At least you liked ketchup. You took a bite, noticing immediately how different it tasted than human hot dogs. It made your mouth tingle. You vaguely recalled reading an article about monster food, how it had very different properties than human food because it was made up almost entirely of magic. Monster food was created for having zero waste, and it fizzled into magic almost as soon as your body got what it needed. You definitely felt the magic as you chewed and swallowed, it was like your mouth was filled with pop rocks and static electricity, but better.

Sans watched you, gauging your reaction to his food. You noticed and smiled at him, keeping your lips firmly together to avoid showing him the current contents of your mouth, and you nodded while giving him a thumbs up of approval. Satisfied, he returned to leaning back into the couch as you finished your food. His eyes fell back onto the TV screen. You did the same and resisted a cringe as the protagonist appeared in all of her fan-serviced glory. 

Uhg, you hated what they had turned her into. She barely had any depth anymore, she was nothing compared to how she had originally been when her show first aired.

Alphys stuffed her face with chips-- _ chisps _ , actually, as Papyrus had corrected you when you asked for some--and soda and you couldn't help but watch them more than the movie. Undyne rubbed her lover's shoulders affectionately each time she tensed when something on screen upset her. You just wanted to put them up on the TV and watch them be adorable together. Alphys gave Undyne next to no recognition as she was enraptured by the contents of the television, watching the story unfold. 

"What..." you heard her flabbergasted whisper and you wholeheartedly understood her. This movie was a trainwreck, beginning to end. You had such passionate opinions about this, you couldn't wait for it to be over so you could have an in-depth discussion with her.

"Did You See The Character Trip In The Background?" Papyrus asked you in what you assumed to be his whispering voice, but by normal standards was a normal but breathy inside voice. He pulled you out of your thoughts, reminding you had promised him your own dialogue. 

You blinked and smiled, "Yeah, you see what he tripped  _ over _ ?" You asked him softly in return, a wry smirk on your face. He really was perceptive, and you liked it. Maybe he'd even pick up on things you hadn't yet.

"Yes. I Think It Will Be Mentioned Later, And It Will Be A Major Plot Point." He insisted. And, indeed, it did. He continued like that throughout the movie, and you really enjoyed discussing things quietly (for the most part) with him. It distracted you from the nightmare that was what they had done with canon. All they had to do was give you a call to clear up canon from fanon just once and the movie would have been so much better. This was what they got for greenlighting a movie with none of the original production or writing crew.

Somewhere between the blatant disregard of the protagonist's established morals and the mindless destruction of an entire season's worth of relationship development, you found Sans' arm was placed behind you on top of the couch. You did your best to ignore it. It was nothing, he was just getting comfortable because apparently even monsters were entitled to a little manspreading.

When the movie ended, you watched as Alphys sat completely frozen in her lover's lap. She stared at the screen, and you understood exactly what was going on in her mind. 

"Babe?" Undyne murmured, poking the short woman's shoulder. Uh oh, she really shouldn't do that. You never poked a processing, grieving bear. "Baabe?" Undyne prodded again, taking Alphys' shoulders and giving her a gentle shake. "Alphy, you gunna--"

"OH MY STARS." The outraged cry that erupted from her resonated with you on a spiritual level. She looked between all of her friends, heaving heavy breaths of rage. "Did none of you guys just SEE THAT!? How are you not all ANGRY!?" She demanded. 

"WELL, I ACTUALLY QUITE LI--" You quickly covered Papyrus' mouth, shaking your head.

"Don't say it, just don't." You advised gently as Alphys whirled around to glare at Papyrus as though he had just killed her dog. He blinked and fell quiet, shrinking back into the couch. You heard a few chuckles from where Sans sat, though you had thought he'd fallen asleep halfway through once he had placed his arm over you.

Alphys barked out your name. You snapped to attention and looked at her piteously.

"I got you, fam," you murmured kindly, nodded your head knowingly. You were impressed with her lack of stuttering, but you figured her pure and unadulterated rage didn't afford her much time for such things. 

She inhaled through her nose and Undyne took hold of her arms. "Babe, please just remember to bREAT--"

"IT'S LIKE THE ENTIRE BIOCHROMANOID STORY ARC NEVER EVEN HAPPENED! ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT? THAT WAS THE BEST ARC TO EVER HAPPEN TO THE SERIES AND IT'S LIKE THEY PLUCKED OUT ALL OF THE PLOT DEVELOPMENT FROM IT AND REVERTED ALL OF THEM BACK TO HOW THEY WERE BEFORE AND IT'S JUST--"

You couldn't let her have all of the rage to herself. Your months upon months of bottling up your thoughts and emotions had finally paid off and finally you had your sweet release. "--IT'S LIKE HOW DID SHE EVEN GET THE SWORD OF RECKONING IF SHE NEVER EVEN ENCOUNTERED THE BLACKSMITH, RIGHT?! I KNOW! I JUST DON'T GET IT! AND THEN THEY'RE ALL SCRAMBLING ABOUT WONDERING HOW TO DEFEAT THE OBSIDIONITES BUT, LIKE, WE ALL ALREADY KNOW? THEY WERE LITERALLY TOLD THAT EXACT INFORMATION IN SEASON FIVE, EPISODE THREE BY THE SAGE RAGE MAGE? RIGHT!?"

"Oh, my stars, you  _ understand, _ " Alphys shuddered and groaned as she pulled your shins into an embrace from her position kneeling on the floor. You nodded, leaning over her and resting your cheek on the top of her head as you rubbed her back.

"You understand  _ me _ . We really do have so much to talk about." 

"D-do you mind if I t-text you?" She wondered hopefully. You felt your grin return.

"Oh, I  _ need _ you to text me! We have so much to do--can we exchange must-see anime lists? I know there are definitely some that you need to see, and I'm sure you have some for me too."

"Th-that sounds like the best idea I have ever heard."

You felt your flesh bursting at the seams with excitement. The dvd player had been turned off at some point and the TV went back to the station it was on while none of you were paying much attention. None of you knew how long the news was playing; you and Alphys were enthralled in your own little world discussing different anime tropes that you hated to love, Sans was probably asleep but you weren't sure, and Undyne and Papyrus were talking about getting together for battle and cooking lessons. Evidently they had started combining the two. Undyne would demand Papyrus recite ingredients and cooking steps of various things, and Papyrus had to say them all perfectly while sparring. 

Sounded interesting.

As you and Alphys discussed the disgusting amount of fanservice the newest movie had provided in lieu of actually providing anything of significance to your favorite series, you caught a snippet from the television.

_ "More innocent monster lives lost to horrific human violence!" _

Your argument about how important a certain character was to the protagonist's depth fizzled out on your lips as you heard the headline announced. Your gaze trailed up to the screen and you heard everyone go silent as well to watch.

"ah--shit, where's the remote?" You heard Sans mutter as he fumbled around on the couch in search.

_ "Isn't it everyone's ideal vacation day? A lovely seventy degree day, all sun and just the faintest of breezes? Sounds like a perfect day to go to the beach. That's what this monster family had thought, anyway. _

_ "Yesterday, on just one of those perfect days, they packed up their supplies and drove out of New New Home and went to a beach they had read was monster friendly. They even proclaimed they were all for monster equality! However, when they arrived and greeted the human beach-goers, they face a much different, much darker reality. _

_ "First, they were met with vulgar names insulting the monster race. They had tried to ignore it, to enjoy their day at the beach" _

"found it!"

_ "and the last thing the family heard was gunshots--" _

The television clicked off. You felt four sets of eyes fall on you. Your stomach twisted into knots.

"I..." What did you say. You were a human, and humans had killed an innocent family. "I'm so sorry..." The guilt of the human race fell on your shoulders.

"none of us blame you--"

"BullSHIT." Alphys stumbled as Undyne shot up to her feet, bristling. Her body tensed up and you saw her thick muscles flexing. You shrunk back against the couch as she glared down at you with her one yellow eye. 

"WHY DO HUMANS HATE MONSTERS?" Papyrus asked innocently, your frantic heart shattering for him.

"We don't hate y--"

"Don't FUCKING lie to us,  _ human _ ." The word was laced with venom as Undyne jerked an accusing finger toward you. Your words evaporated, but your mouth hung open. "Humans have been responsible for THOUSANDS of monster deaths since our migration!" 

"Dear, y-you don't have to y-yell at--"

"N-not all humans are..." 

"SPARE ME YOUR EXCUSES! I saw the way you looked at Pap when we first got here, I'm not IGNORANT like the REST OF THESE DIPSHITS!" 

"what're you tryin' ta say here, undyne?"

"Darling, p-please, she isn't--"

"I told ALL of you what a TERRIBLE idea this was! Migrating, getting to the surface, integrating! I told ALL OF YOU! There's only ONE good human, we don't need any more!" 

"One? B-but there are two..."

"that's not the point, teach--"

"CAN WE PLEASE STOP FIGHTING? THIS IS TO BE A NICE CELEBRAT--"

"I told you guys I'd give humans ONE more chance--"

"But, D-dear, she's done nothing--"

"EXACTLY!"

"get out."

You shrunk even deeper into the couch, your heart pounding so hard you could feel your blood pressure in your throat. Papyrus angled himself skillfully between you and Undyne as Sans got to his feet and stepped in front of her. They were matched in height, which made for an interesting stand off. He stared her down, and you almost wished you could see his face. Instead, you noticed a faint blue aura surrounding him. Undyne grit her teeth, her hands in fists as she challenged Sans.

"alphys can stay, but you're not welcome here. not if you're gunna put down teach for shit she didn't do and had nothin' to do with. i get it, ya hate humans. if ya hate 'em so much, don't be around 'em." Sans allowed calmly. "but if ya got a  _ bone _ ta pick, ya pick it with me."

"Fine! I won't be around humans, then! Easy enough around here." She crossed her arms over her chest as Alphys scrambled up from the floor and joined you and Papyrus on the couch. You didn't realize how tense you were until you felt the couch give a bit beneath you and you were sure not even a hair moved with it.

"sounds great. uh, thing is, this includes frisk."

"It's okay, Undyne is just really passionate. She'll be fine in no time." Alphys soothed you. You just nodded wordlessly. Your mind was completely blank with stress.

"What!? You can't keep the punk away from me! They're my best friend! I'm their PE teacher!"

"easy enough class to skip, if i'm bein' honest. no humans means no frisk. i can't have you snappin' at them whenever there's human on monster violence in the news." Undyne grit her teeth and glared at the shorter skeleton brother. Had you stopped breathing? You didn't remember the last time you inhaled

"You--You! GAH! I'M GOING HOME, ALPHY!" She shouted and stormed out the door. You could only stare as Sans turned around, blue and yellow light fizzling out from the air around his skull as he looked at you. His grin was cool and easygoing as ever, his aura dissipating. 

"you okay there, teach?"

Your vision went out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup. I went there. Used the passed-out trope because I am above NOTHING.
> 
> Maybe, perhaps, if you liked the chapter enough you might want to come follow me on tumblr?   
> http://thisisntcreativeatall.tumblr.com/
> 
> And maybe, perhaps, if you liked the chapter enough you might consider reblogging the chapter post?
> 
> Maybe perhaps?
> 
> It is physically impossible to be made up of more anxiety.


	6. Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get into a very hairy situation.

You came to with a heavy haze in your mind. It was strange for you to wake up without your back hurting and aching from the lack of support from your mattress. In fact, you didn't even feel any springs digging into your flesh and creating scratches and bruises. You shifted, very slightly, and you weren't greeted with the harsh screeching of the metal protesting vehemently to your motions. So, so very strange. You liked this, you could definitely get used to it. You considered going right back to sleep, you could definitely use a whole night of this. You were going to, until you felt something distinctly hard and smooth gently scrub your scalp.

There was something  _ in your hair _ .

You were going to open your eyes and scream, but in the next second you heard Papyrus' sweet voice.

"How Is She Doing?" He was speaking lower than usual. Aw, he cared enough to not wake you. How sweet. Your little heart warmed over. 

From right in front of you came another voice. "yeah, when i scrub 'er scalp she calms down. just like with frisk. humans are so weird." Sans chuckled, and you dared to say there was a bit of affection in his voice. You must have been restless. You'd always been told you were a terrible sleeper.

Wait, why were they in your room? 

Your mind reeled for a moment to try and put all of the pieces together. They weren't in your room, you hadn't fallen asleep in your own room. No, you had... you'd fallen asleep at their house? No, no. That wasn't right either. You had... passed out. You passed out at their house.  Oh, gods, that was right. You passed out on their couch following threats from Undyne. Well, were they really threats? She had just yelled at you, mostly. You had just taken her tone and body-language as a threat. You overreacted, as usual for you.

Oh, gods, this was so embarrassing. Now the brothers were taking care of you, making sure you were alright and you had slept well. You didn't deserve their kindness. You felt Sans scrub your head some more and it felt really freaking nice, if you were being honest. You wanted to keep sleeping just to feel that more.

"She Fell Asleep Really Fast. Faster Than You, I'm Impressed." Papyrus commented. You heard the distinct clang of glass being placed on a coffee table. "The Little Human Did That A Few Times Too, During Our Legendary Battles."

Wait, Papyrus battled kids? You were pretty sure the Little Human was Frisk too. 

"it's called fainting, paps." Sans retorted with a soft snort.

So Papyrus battled kids until they  _ fainted _ ? There was a lot more to that brother than you had thought. You were definitely going to want to get to know him better. 

"Well, Anyway, I Brought Her Water For When She Wakes Up." He said, "... When Will She Wake Up?" 

"she is awake, just a matter of when she wants to open 'er eyes." 

Busted. 

Your face flushed and you hesitantly fluttered your eyes open. You gave a soft yelp of fright when you saw Sans was almost directly in front of you. He was crouched in front of the couch, his hand in your hair and his head on the edge of the cushion. Well, you were definitely not at home. You took in the sight of the brother's home for a moment before looking at Sans and seeing his lazy grin. 

"So, uh..." you started meekly, embarrassed at being caught, "Should I be saying good morning, or...?" 

Sans shook his head, his fingers tracing small circles on your scalp. Which was weird, wasn't it? You were awake now, he could stop playing with your hair. "nah, you were only out for about two hours. ya musta been real scared to pass out that long, teach." 

"Oh, wow, okay..." You grimaced, giving a solemn nod and groaning with humiliation. "I'm so sorry, Sans. Papyrus, too. That's just so embarrassing, it wasn't even like she was really threatening me. I overreact sometimes, I don't pass out a lot, though, I swear, I just--"

"does your ass produce diamonds?" Sans interrupted your little rant, "because you might literally be sitting on a money-making opportunity. i'm convinced you're so tightly wound, if i shoved coal up there, you'd shit out a diamond an hour later." 

You let a laugh slip out. That was actually kinda funny. Papyrus was wrong, Sans made funny jokes. "I just... I wanted to make sure that..."

"i get what you're tryin' to do, i'm sayin' it isn't necessary. we aren't upset with you, or inconvenienced. we were more worried than anything and we wanted to make sure you were okay." Sans sighed, his fingers still rubbing over your scalp in soothing motions. "we're gunna be talkin' to toriel about what happened tonight with undyne, so we can avoid her bein' around you at any point." You nearly choked on your heart as it leapt up.

"That sounds like a  _ horrible _ idea," you protested immediately, clenching your hands into tight fists, "I don't need to be making enemies within my first month of living here! I... she... I get where she's coming from, I do. Humans... what we've done to monsters--"

"what  _ they _ have done to monsters," Sans corrected. You rolled your eyes.

"I just have to prove to her that I'm different from the rest of my race. I just... I don't want her to get into trouble for reacting emotionally to a terrible thing happening." For a moment Sans could only stare at you, reading your face and processing your words. His ministrations sent soothing tingles down your spine. You realized that he hadn't actually taken fingers fingers off your head since you woke up. That was a bit odd, wasn't it?

"you  _ really _ don't want our help?" He asked you, "it'd be no problem at all. tori's real great with conflict resolution, she's all about it. she has absolutely zero tolerance for unwarranted violence on innocent humans. she really,  _ really _ hates it, actually..." he trailed for a moment and something about his tone told you that there was a lot more to the story than he was going to be telling you any time soon. "welp, you'll let us know if undyne does try anythin' at least, right?" 

You bit your lip, "Y-yeah, of course I will..." You murmured. 

He snorted at you. "liar."

"Okay, so, I might not." You admitted, "I'm a big girl, I can handle myself--"

"NEW HUMAN," Papyrus interrupted, leaning down to get in closer to you, "FIRST, I WOULD LIKE TO EXTEND MY SINCEREST APOLOGIES ON BEHALF OF MY FRIEND AND EX-CAPTAIN, UNDYNE." He stated, placing his hand over his ribcage, "SECOND, MY DEAR FRIEND ALPHYS HAS REQUESTED THAT YOU TEXT HER AS SOON AS YOU WAKE SO THAT SHE KNOWS THAT YOU ARE ALRIGHT. THIRD, I READ THAT HYDRATION IS CRITICAL FOR A HUMAN'S HEALTH, SO I HAVE BROUGHT YOU A GLASS OF IT." He insisted, taking the cup from the coffee table and bringing it over to you. He looked a bit impatient so you took it from him happily, giving a soft laugh. You noticed, however, that Sans' expression changed as you went to sit up.

You had expected that his hand would fall away from your hair when you sat up. You no longer needed his comforts, you would just drink your water and head home somehow. However, that's not at all what happened. Rather than pulling his hand from your head, it moved with you. You quirked an eyebrow at him as you drank a mouthful of water and held the cup in your hands. 

"You know... I mean, I'm not sleeping anymore. Or freaking out, so... You can, y'know... Stop holding my scalp?" You offered curiously. Sans stopped looking at you, going so far as to look away from you entirely as his hand remained in its place. You noticed a blue glow rise to his cheekbones. He kept his expression distinctly, almost overly casual. "Sans?" Thoughtfully, you stood up. He moved quickly, standing up as well. You felt dread fill your bones like adamantium. You jerked your head in a direction that Sans couldn't have known and you felt a very distinct pulling on your scalp.

You looked at Sans again. His fingers gripped your hair a bit more and you watched little droplets of blue magic drip down his skull. 

"Sans," you started levelly, taking deep and soothing breaths. He didn't respond, "Is your hand... tangled in my hair?"

He remained completely silent as the blue glow over his cheekbones spread over his whole face. You wanted to laugh and die at the same time. Why did bad things happen to you so often? It wasn't enough that you had gone full-blown weeaboo in front of Sans and the others, nor that you had passed out in their house. Now your hair had the brother held hostage. It was like you were a badness magnet.

"... seems like it." Sans finally admitted. It certainly explained why he had never pulled his hand away from your head since you'd been awake, though his magic fingers did feel very nice on your head. You hesitantly reached up, grabbing at your locks and unwinding them as best you could with your fingers. You tried to free his bones, but the tangles had worked into knots and had somehow managed to get shoved  _ between  _ his phalanges. Your face scrunched up in frustration and embarrassment. 

"Oh, my gods..." You muttered weakly, "How did you even...?"

"you were acting all distressed," Sans spoke up to defend himself quickly, "so i did what i usually do for frisk when they're not sleepin' real well. it worked, too, right up until..." he moved his fingers against your head pointedly, "kid's hair never tried to trap me, though. guess you could say we're pretty knotty?"

You sucked in your breath, resisting the laugh, and tried to think of a rational plan to be freed, "Uh, well, thank you for trying to help me sleep." You mumbled, your body hot with humiliation. "Do you guys have a ha--" You stopped quickly when you realized you were about to ask two skeletons for a hair brush. That was a really dumb idea. Don't be dumb. You had to stop being dumb. Your dumbness was the reason for all of this, and if you stopped being dumb you might be able to live a normal life.

You were never going to stop being dumb. You were never going to live a normal life.

"A WHAT? WE HAVE A WIDE VARIETY OF THINGS YOU MIGHT NEED." Papyrus offered hopefully, leaping at the opportunity to help you. 

You were going to shake your head, but you decided against it. That would only make things worse for you, and you really didn't need that in your life right now. "No, Papyrus, but thank you. I doubt you two have what I need." What you needed was a shit-ton of conditioner and a hairbrush, but those things just didn't seem like two items that would wind up on a skeleton's shopping list. 

Your hair was having absolutely none of any of this. 

"Uhm, do you guys think we could get back to my place, actually? I really don't have any desire to go bald, and I think I can salvage this if we get back to my place." You insisted, looking over the two brothers hopefully. You placed your hand overtop of Sans' to keep it from moving too much and pulling any more of your hair out. You took another gulp of water, already stressing out again. This was an actual living nightmare. 

You wondered why you even existed at this point. Were you the comic relief doofus, mess of a character that you had seen in so many of your anime shows?

Were you the lovable yet awkward, hopeless soul that served very little purpose outside of the comedic affect of your misfortunes? 

"sure we can. i, uh, don't really wanna use my shortcuts with ya right now, though," Sans explained thoughtfully, "not after ya just passed out and that first one didn't settle too well with ya either."

"I WOULD BE THRILLED TO DRIVE THE TWO OF YOU TO THE NEW HUMAN'S HOME." Papyrus insisted eagerly, his grin widening at the thought of finally being able to help you two. He was such a sweetheart, you couldn't help but smile for him. 

"Thank you, that sounds fantastic." You noted how unsure Sans seemed with the idea. You wondered why, was Papyrus a bad driver or something?

"great... thanks." Sans muttered, taking a deep breath. 

"WOWIE! THIS WILL BE SO FUN, WE CAN LISTEN TO ALL OF MY FAVORITE 'TUNES'! I WILL GO GRAB MY THINGS. YOU TWO GO AHEAD OUTSIDE AND GET COMFORTABLE!" Papyrus ran upstairs as Sans grunted, leading you out to the garage where a bright red convertible was parked. 

"Oh, wow." You murmured in awe at seeing the pristine car. It was absolutely immaculate, not a scratch on the paint and you barely saw a speck of dust in the floormats. You had taken Papyrus for someone who liked cleaning, but it was some painstaking effort to keep the floor of a car clean too. "I don't even want to get in... I feel like I'll ruin it." You admitted. Sans shrugged and opened the door, urging you inside.

It was an awkward effort to get comfortable in a car when a hand was entangled in your hair. Sans did his best to angle himself in a way where he wasn't constantly tugging strands from your head. You had to angle your neck a bit awkwardly, and you were sure his shoulder wasn't in a very comfortable position either, but you were pretty sure this was the best you were going to get. 

"So, uh, why do you look so apprehensive?" You wondered as the two of you waited for Papyrus. Sans was about to respond to you when Papyrus finally emerged and climbed inside. He was adorable, with a bright red scarf around his neck and matching red gloves on his hands. Upon closer inspection you realized he was wearing driving gloves. You hadn't seen driving gloves outside of NASCAR... ever. He started up the car and you suddenly understood what people meant when they said an engine purred. It was low and smooth and easy on your ears. Your car had more of a... gravel-stuck-in-the-garbage-disposal quality.

Now, knowing what you did about Papyrus, you had naturally assumed he would be the Sunday grandmother type driver. He always seemed so controlled and safe and careful with everyone around him. He was so cautious and clean, those traits went hand in hand with safe drivers.

You were abhorrently incorrect. You know what they say, when you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME, but let's not break any fourth walls here.

You were floored as Papyrus started barreling down the streets going 100+ miles per hour. You and Sans were pressed back as far as you could in the back seats, and now you understood all of Sans' apprehension when Papyrus had offered to drive you guys back to your place. You may or may not make it back in one piece.

"IS THIS NOT THE BEST RIDE YOU HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED?" Papyrus called back confidently, looking and sounding completely and utterly pleased with himself. He bragged whiled swerving in and out of traffic so that no other drivers could slow him down. "THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAPPENS TO BE THE MOST PERFECT DRIVER THE HUMAN WORLD HAS EVER SEEN. MY DRIVING INSTRUCTOR TOLD ME SO." 

Sans brought his face close to your ear, "his instructor was scared for his life and didn't want to upset 'im." He explained to you quietly. You nodded in understanding. No one ever wanted to upset Papyrus.

"I figured as much," you whispered in return. 

"I HAVE ALSO BEEN STUDYING THE HIGH ACTION CAR FILMS. THE WAY THEY DRIVE SEEMS MUCH MORE FUN THAN NORMAL DRIVING. WATCH!" The car squealed and screeched dramatically as Papyrus took an exaggerated turn. The car fishtailed a bit and you clung to Sans, your body seizing up in preparation of your inevitable car doom. You were pleasantly surprised when Papyrus regained control with ease. 

"I think I'm going to throw up."

"me too."

"Can you even...?"

"you don't wanna know."

You fell silent beside Sans, letting your poor heart calm down.

"WOWIE, THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN!" Papyrus crowed happily, and that was when you realized how necessary his driving gloves were. You shut your eyes and went limp against Sans, already exhausted. 

"hey, paps, i get it's real fun but why don't we not work up the human any more than she's already been, alright?" Sans called over to his brother. You were immensely grateful.

"OH, RIGHT. OKIE DOKIE." 

His driving was slightly less erratic after Sans' warning, giving you a chance to regain yourself and sit up a bit more. You had almost even forgotten about Sans' hand knotted in your hair. 

"So how long does it take to get from your place to mine anyway?" You wondered, hoping it wasn't too long. Papyrus' 'less erratic' driving only meant he was going sub-100 miles per hour, but never any less than 80. You wondered if stop signs and red lights even existed in New New Home, because you couldn't remember him ever coming to a stop.

"well, it  _ should _ take around forty-five minutes, taking into account traffic and lights and speed limits and things like that." So traffic lights did exist. 

"So how long will it take with Papyrus driving us?"

"probably fifteen, maybe twenty."

So you'd get home quickly or you would die. Either way was fine with you.

About fifteen minutes later you were home, safe and sound. You were glad you had never been one who got car sick, else that would have been an absolute nightmare for everyone all around. You were sure Sans wouldn't have appreciated having his hot dog returned to him in such a way. 

Sans skillfully maneuvered the both of you out of the car, careful to not move his hand in any awkward ways that might pull your hair some more. You were grateful with how attentive he was. You did wind up yelping when you stumbled over the lip of the car trying to get out, making him pull back a bit. He apologized quickly and helped you stand up straight. 

"you go ahead and go home, paps. i'm gunna be, uh,  _ stuck _ here until we manage to get out of this  _ hairy _ situation." He grinned and you laughed, grateful for the light humor to make the situation a bit less tense. However, it only earned a groan from Papyrus as he quirked a brow bone at the two of you. 

"ALRIGHT... I WILL SEE YOU LATER, THEN, BROTHER." He didn't sound very impressed, and then he turned his gaze to you. "GOODBYE, NEW HUMAN. WE HAD A LOVELY TIME WITH YOU! WE LOOK EVER FORWARD TO HAVING YOU COME OVER MUCH MORE OFTEN, AND WE CAN DISCUSS EVEN MORE MOVIES!" He seemed extremely eager at the idea and, frankly, you were too. 

"Of course! I look forward to it!" With that, Papyrus drove off and you and Sans made your way upstairs awkwardly. "Okay, I need a hair brush." You stated, mostly talking to yourself. At this point you were far past the stage of embarrassment and shame. You had already transcended that stage and you had climbed into a calm plateau of  _ get shit fixed, lose it later. _ You pulled Sans over to your bathroom and then quickly rummaged through the drawers for the exact brush you wanted. When you found it, you made a quiet sound of victory.

"hey, the kiddo's got one of these," Sans commented, taking it from your hands and looking it over curiously. "always wondered what it was for.looked like some sorta torture device or somethin'. so, it's fer hair? can i try?" He asked you hopefully, grinning. You cringed internally at the idea of a monster who had never had hair before trying to brush through the rat's nest he had created. 

"Uh, perhaps later, when we're not in a predicament like this. Hair is kinda... tricky." You explained, grabbing the brush back from him and you carefully started to comb through the knots. You were hopeful, feeling the snarls start to loosen and relax as it allowed you to brush through it almost completely unhindered. "Okay, try now--AH! STOP! STOP! STOP!" He had tried to pull his hand free, only for your delicate strands to entangle  _ into _ his knuckles. 

"sorry," he said again. You could almost laugh, now who was the one apologizing constantly? You considered chastising him, but now didn't feel the appropriate time.

"It's fine, it's fine. It'll all be fine," again, you were mostly talking to yourself. You thought long and hard for a moment, looking around your bathroom. "Maybe..." You dragged Sans over to your shower and you turned it on.

"i've dreamed of makin' you wet before, but this wasn't quite what i had in mind." 

Leaning over the tub, one hand on the knob as you twisted the shower on, your brain short-circuited at the comment. You froze in place, your body not allowing you the movement to pull back in time as the cold water poured over your head. You gave a shriek at eh shock of the temperature and jerked back, causing his hand to fall back with you. The momentum of it all threw you back onto the ground, landing with a thud and making Sans fall with you. On top of you, to be exact, his hand cradling your head to keep it from smacking against the ground. 

"whoa, there," Sans used his other hand to brace himself over you as you groaned, your ass aching from the impact. His face was inches from your own, which had turned bright red. "if i, uh, didn't know any better, kitten... i'd think you were  _ fallin' _ for me." 

You inhaled sharply, your dream coming back to you. You vividly remembered how you felt bent over the desk with his hands gripping your hips tightly. Against your better judgment, you felt yourself grow warm between your thighs. It took you a moment to realize you had also not responded to Sans at all, you were just staring up at him stupidly. He gave a soft chuckle, though it sounded a bit nervous.

"think we should get up or are ya plenty comfy right here?"

You stared for another moment, "... G-Get up," you murmured softly, an indignant redness coming to your face as he nodded and helped you sit up, taking your arms and hoisting you up to your feet. You looked away from him, trying to just get a move on so you could get yourself disentangled from his bones. Since you were about to climb into the shower, you reached down your shirt and grabbed your phone.

"hey, there! we should really go on a date first--" He stopped when you fished your phone from your bra and showed it to him. You placed it down on the counter and looked back at him, frowning deeply. 

"You keep making those jokes," you stated, sounding thoroughly unimpressed as you tried to keep your tone level. "That's the, what, fifth or sixth joke you've made today so far about being intimate with me?" You put your hand underneath the water to check the temperature before leaning in, doing your best to get just your hair wet and failing spectacularly. Once your hair was adequately wet you pulled back water soaking your back and chest but you couldn't find it in you to care

"true, i have. ya got a point?" He wondered as you grabbed the bottle of conditioner and smothered your hair in it. He watched you work curiously, grabbing the bottle from you once you were finished with it. You huffed at him and he took note of your new tone.

"They're not funny jokes, you know." You used your brush once more to brush the conditioner through your hair until it was as smooth as you were going to get it. 

"not funny jokes?" Sans repeated as he read the back of the conditioner bottle.

"Yeah," you said, putting the brush down and getting into your hair with your fingers to try to work as much as you could out from between his bones, but some of them have seemed to actually tie themselves up in there tight. You had your work cut out for you. "Not funny. Saying you'd be willing to date someone or fuck someone as a joke... like, where's the joke there, bub?" You asked him, indignance sitting in your chest like a rock. "The joke's supposed to be in the idea of someone possibly being willing to date me or screw me or whatever your joke is about. Someone wouldn't seriously be willing to be with a mess like me, right?" There was a bitter twinge in your voice. Sans sat and listened as you explained yourself, then smirked and chuckled. 

"okay, and who says i'm jokin'?" You glanced up at him, blinking as water dripped down your face. You quirked a soaked eyebrow and coughed out a laugh.

"Alright, big guy. Ha ha. Funny, I get it. You're hilarious. You've known me, what, almost two weeks and each time we've spent any amount of time together I've made an utter ass out of myself. I'm hardly dateable, that's where the joke here is. Of course they're jokes. All I'm saying is they aren't funny and you should stop."

"looks like someone here's assuming intentions, and it ain't me." You finally managed to free a single digit, his pinky finger. He wiggled it for a moment, seemingly pleased with the progress you had made. It was easier if you just focused on a single finger rather than the entire mess at once. You rolled your eyes in frustration and went to work on his ring finger--there were so many strands interwoven around his hand you had no idea how long it would take you to finally free them all. You considered just grabbing a pair of shears and taking it all off, you were too tired for this. 

"Assuming intentions? I'm pretty sure your intentions were very clear. But please, do prove me wrong." You demanded, your voice laced with sarcasm. You were too irritated with your hair to focus your energy on worrying over whatever came out of your mouth and taming your sass. You could over think about those things later. Sans sighed and chuckled as he watched your fingers work while you stared blankly down at the ground.

"well, first of all, you're assuming i don't want to date you." He explained carefully.Your brain sputtered out again, as though you needed a non-functioning brain right now.

"You... want to... date me?" You asked in complete and utter disbelief. Your fingers stopped their work as you looked up at him, your eyes wide as saucers. Sans looked down at your face, grinning wide as ever.

"wow, i didn't say i wanted you to marry me right here and now or something outrageous like that, kitten, relax. i think a date with you'd be nice, though. yer real cute, and you've got one hell of a personality. yer passionate and smart and maybe a date er two with you wouldn't be a bad idea. maybe you could even like me too and a third date wouldn't be too far out of the question. we won't get ahead of ourselves right now, though." He wiggled his fingers pointedly against your head and you quickly went back to work.

Oh, gods, he was actually asking you out on a date. A real date. Well, no, get ahold of yourself. You didn't actually know if he was asking you out on a real date. Really, he didn't even ask you out on a date at all. He was only saying that the idea of a date with you didn't make him run for the hills. He liked the idea, even. Still, it all meant the same thing--you, somehow, hadn't yet completely repulsed him, despite the world's best efforts.

Then again, did you really want to date someone who wanted to date you after all of that? That showed some seriously impaired judgment on his part. You really weren't sure if you wanted to deal with the kind of mental instability that came with thinking you were a desirable person to be with. You knew the kind of people who had been attracted to you so far, your ex namely, and you knew how well that turned out...

You really had to consider all of the facts here. Your very first time meeting with him, you'd stood dumbly in front of a door as you practically tried to will it open with your mind since your hands were completely full. Your second meeting, you had seemingly kidnapped one of his students without realizing it. His third meeting with you, you had gotten blackout drunk and spilled your entire life story on him including your relationship woes. Your third-and-a-half meeting with him, you had forgotten your clothes and towel in your room which had caused you to actually wear a shower curtain and wake him up. Then you asked him to fuck you in the ass, after being nearly thirty minutes late meeting him at the bar. You were sure you had embarrassed yourself more than that, but recalling everything was making you sick with anxiety. 

_ And he still didn't hate the idea of taking you on a date. _

You wondered how boring the monster women must be that he saw you as an actual option. Were you really an option, though? You were human... He was a monster...

He took note of your complete silence and just let you process everything. Joke's on him, though, because you had completely blanked out your mind to allow you to untangle his fingers faster. You couldn't think about both him and freeing his hand, it was just too much for you. Slowly, his ring finger came unwound. Then his middle finger, and his pointer. Finally, after a bit more effort than the rest, his thumb was freed two.

"ey, would ya look at that, two thumbs up." He joked with you, earning a half-hearted laugh. He flexed his hand a bit happily, pulling a few clumps of hair from between his bones that had already been pulled from your scalp. You cringed at the sight, but you were just happy to be able to brush your hair again, though the amount of hair that came out with the brush was disgusting. "free at last. gettin' real tired of humans lockin' me up, y'know?" Your lips turned up in a begrudging smile. He really was funny.

"Yeah... well, uh, I need to shower and... other stuff, so, you should go home." You murmured awkwardly, twisting your fingers together as water dripped down your back. You needed to rinse out all of the conditioner from your hair before you had a permanent greaseball on the top of your head.

"right. right, i gotta talk to paps about a few things." He agreed, looking thoughtful for a moment as he went over to the bathroom door. "hey. kitten. i really wasn't jokin' about dating you. how's about tomorrow afternoon, i take you out for a night on the town in new new home?" He offered you curiously. You could only manage a blank stare. He laughed, "alright, then. thank you for freein' me. i'll see ya tomorrow. five sound good? five it is." He took your hand and pressed a quick kiss to the back. How did that work? He didn't have lips. You saw a brief afterglow of blue on your hand. 

"... Okay?"

"g'night, kitten." He opened the bathroom door and stepped through. When you left the bathroom as well, he was nowhere to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy *shit* you guys are actually the best. I love you so much.  
> Your comments are incredibly encouraging and despite working on like 15 other projects I keep only wanting to write these chapters.
> 
> [Perhaps give me a follow on my Tumblr?](http://thisisntcreativeatall.tumblr.com/)


	7. Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have a good, long chat with your parents.

You just had to wait until you got inside of your apartment before you let him take your top off.

You had to keep chanting that one rule in your head over and over again, but the feel of his magic fingers on your body, touching your hips and your spine through your clothes was just so intoxicating you kept losing yourself more and more. Your control was slipping far too easily, and you were getting impatient with how long it was taking to get up the stairs. Damn it, why were there so many  _ stairs? _ You cursed whoever the god of stairs or architecture or building things was. Whoever, mythologically, was responsible for the existence of stairs was very firmly on your bad side. Why couldn't there be an elevator? You were definitely up for a hot and heavy elevator make out session.

You felt him peppering kisses along your shoulder and back, even as the two of your were hurrying up the stairs. He had some mad skills and a lot of determination to keep kissing and touching you the way he was. His fingers were hooked into the belt loops of your pants and he kept pace with your eager jog up the stairs. He muttered filthy things to you between kisses, informing you of what was to come (You. You were going to cum). It was all you could do not to melt right then and there on the stairs and let him have his way with you. Sure, you'd never quite been one for voyeurism, but you would most certainly make this exception. A few times, back-to-back.

He had been amazing to you the entire night. He paid for your food and drinks at the restaurant, despite you pulling out your wallet and offering to fund your half. At the movies he had you tucked securely under his arm and he didn't even mock you when you jumped or yelped during the scary parts. He engaged you in interesting conversation, and he seemed genuinely intrigued when you would start rambling about any subject you happened to be passionate about. He actually looked like he was enjoying being around you. Genuinely. You didn't know you were into that, as it was something you had never experienced before, but you were most definitely  _ into it _ .

When the two of you got into the car to drive you home, you made the first move. You just couldn't help it. You reached over, positioned toward him, and placed your hand on his femur, and that was that. The intentions were set, and he was just as into it as you were. That was why, as soon as you were out of the car, his hands were on you and ravenous. He had your hips in his grip and he had you pinned back against his brother's car. You, for a very brief fraction of a second, were worried about scratching it, but then his mouth was on yours. It was very hard to worry about something when you could barely even remember your own name. You couldn't even think straight.

You weren't expecting lips but, then again, they weren't quite lips either. They almost vibrated, but not really, was was more like a constant thrumming and crackling of power muted by a smooth and still surface. It was barely a physical sensation, but it was very much real. His lips were malleable against your own, and it woke you up immediately from your post-movie haze. Immediately you were bombarded with a tongue of the same texture and sensation, eagerly and hungrily working your lips apart. You didn't need too much encouragement to let him slip past and wrestle with your own tongue for dominance and the freedom to explore you as he pleased. 

His hands had released your hips and started working their way up your shirt, playing with the fabric. His fingers danced over the sensitive skin of your stomach and made you squeal in surprise, but it was a good surprise. You clutched at his own shirt and pulled him towards you, flattening his chest against your own as his hands worked their way up to explore the expanse of your ribcage. You shuddered with delight and in the next moment he was lifting up your shirt. The cold of the car against your bare back jerked you back to reality unpleasantly. Breathlessly, and extremely reluctantly, you pulled away from him. "N-not... apartment. Upstairs." You managed to piece together a few words. They didn't create a sentence by any stretch of the imagination, but it got your point across. Monsters spoke in intention, right? So it was fine. He understood you.

He looked just about as happy over parting from you and you had been, but you quickly locked up the car and got moving. You had things to do--namely, each other.

Finally, after what felt like actual years, the two of you made it to your apartment. You fumbled with your keys and, evidently, were taking far too long because his hands had your belt loops and he jerked you roughly back into his hips. You felt your core quiver with desire, jostling you from what little focus you'd had on trying to find your key. The next second he had you pressed against your door and his lips were on your neck, nibbling and kissing and licking. With you pinned between the door and his body, his hands went to the inner points of your hips and teased there, only to start trailing down to your inner thighs. 

It was absolutely impossible for you to focus on your keys when he was making you feel this way. An exasperated but desperate moan slipped from your lips. You felt him shudder behind you and he pinched your inner thighs. He buried his face in the back of your neck.

" _ fuck _ , kitten, ya gotta open this damn door." He growled at you, his voice deep and primal.

"I'm t-trying!" You gasped breathlessly, your voice pitched higher than usual. His gruff voice made your knees weak and your fingers shake. He grunted and bit down on the tender muscle connecting your neck to your shoulder and you cried out in bone-rattling pleasure. Finally you managed to maneuver the key properly into the lock and you opened your door. The two of you stumbled inside enthusiastically, eager to finish out the night in the best way possible.

Well, the best way possible if that had actually been how your day went in the first place. Your actual Sunday was much less exciting.

You had prepared yourself for a usual Sunday; staying at home all day in your far too large t-shirt, messing around on your computer and forgetting to eat until you finally did remember to eat, and then you didn't stop munching on random things until you went to sleep. But that plan was thrown out the window quite quickly. For one, you were supposed to have a date (!?) later that afternoon with a smooth-talking skeleton monster. Second, your phone was blowing up before you even woke up that morning. 

Your phone started ringing and jerked you out of your dreamspace. It took you a moment to fully comprehend that it was definitely a phone ringing and not the snake from your dream screaming at you. By the time it registered the ringing had stopped, but only a minute later it started ringing once more. You found your phone in the mess of your blankets and read it carefully. The first thing you noticed was that it was only a hair past nine thirty, which was simply far too early for you to be awake on a weekend. The second, much more terrifying thing you noticed was that it was your mother.

"Shit..." you whispered, taking a deep breath and bracing yourself as you answered. "... Hello?' Your voice was still thick with sleep but you managed to make yourself sound at least a little bit sunny. Your mother, however, had absolutely no sunniness in her voice whatsoever.

You were greeted with your full name. "Where the hell are you?" She demanded angrily. You grimaced, pinching the bridge of your nose trying to dull the growing headache at your temples and behind your eyes. On all of the lists you would make for yourself of things that you should probably do (the one on which 'research monsters' was still #1 and you should definitely do that today but you probably wouldn't), evidently 'tell your parents you had moved to New New Home' had never been on any of them. It was a bit accidentally on purpose, because you knew exactly what their response would be and you were actively avoiding that.

"I'm... I'm at home?" You offered meekly, biting down on your lip. You technically weren't lying to her, she just didn't know where home was anymore. You could hear her enraged breathing on the other end of the line. It always fascinated you how your mother could make any action she took an angry one. You were convinced she could make blowing bubbles an angry action if she tried hard enough and believed in herself. 

"Oh, are you now? Well, that's nice," somehow, she wasn't convincing you of how nice it really was. "It's nice because I'm currently standing in your  _ home _ and your are  _ not here _ ." She stated icily, "Quite frankly, I seem to be standing in a completely empty apartment."

"Yeah... yeah, uh..." Trying to explain proved difficult when you were busy trying to pull your thoughts together. Your mother's shrill voice had a way of scrambling your thought frequencies. 

Well, it didn't matter what you were trying to say because she interrupted you. "You have made me and your father so concerned over the last two weeks. Neither of us know where you have been! I even called your work and they said you've quit! I can't believe how irresponsible you are, what if something had happened to you? Who would know where to search? You need to keep in contact with people!" She took a deep breath, her voice lowering, "Now. I am going to repeat myself, and you  _ know  _  how much I hate doing that--Where. Are. You." It amazed you how sometimes she masked her ignorance just enough to make herself out to be a loving and caring mother. She actually sounded concerned about you, just a bit, but you knew the reasons behind her asking. When her nice little friends were over and asking about your mother's youngest, she actually had to know what you were doing and where you were.

You squeezed your eyes shut and wondered whether or not your apartment contained painkillers yet. "I, uh, I got another job. Different school. I moved... where that school is."

How were you going to explain to your highly monsterphobic parents that you were currently residing smack-dab in the center of their city? They had some very, very strong opinions on who and what the monsters were, and they weren't something you ever cared to repeat. Sometimes you wondered if you were adopted, because you were just so wildly different from them.

"Well, at least you got another job," she sounded vaguely placated, until she realized you hadn't actually answered her question. "Where is this job, then? And where have you moved to?" She repeated, "I need you to be more specific, I can't keep repeating myself. Gracious, open your ears, I can't keep repeating my questions." 

You already wanted to go back to bed and you hadn't even climbed out of it yet. She was too much for you, and you simply weren't ready to deal with the shouting that was inevitable in any conversation with her. You rubbed the back of your neck and arched backward, cracking your back and then following up with your neck. It relieved at least a bit of the pinching. 

"I, uh--"

"Stop it with the 'uhm' and 'uh', they make you sound stupid."

You rolled your eyes harder than you believed was physically possible. "I... I moved to... New New Home."

"New New Home? Gracious, what is that? I've never heard of such a place. Where is it?" She sounded annoyed. You figured she didn't actually know the name of the city. Most people you'd heard tended to just call it "Monster City" or "Hell" or "Demonville", or any variations of the sort. 

"It's... north." 

"I swear on your grandmother's ashes," she sounded impatient. This was a lose-lose conversation, there was no way you were getting out of it without shouting. Rip the bandaid off, get it done as fast as possible.

You sucked it your breath through your teeth and climbed out of bed, walking out to your bathroom and finding your ibuprofen, readying it. "It's, uh, the monster city. I teach at their school." You braced yourself for the screaming and the yelling and the name-calling. All of the muscles in your body had tensed. Even your toes had curled up, as though your mother could somehow warp through the phone to beat you senseless.

For nothing.

It was completely silent on the other end. Finally, after a minute, you heard heavy breathing. You popped the ibuprofen quickly,

"Y-you..." She whispered, like she was scared of someone overhearing her, "You... Are... Are you... you..." 

Oh, no. You broke your mother.

"It's a really great place, Mom!" You swooped in, taking advantage of her speechlessness to try to defend yourself. "They've all been so great to me, and my new job is fantastic--" 

Dialtone. 

She had hung up on you.

"Shit..." You hissed. Well, that discussion was definitely going to be repeated to your father. And your father was not so easily broken. You shook your head and popped the two ibuprofen in your mouth and swallowed them down with a glass of water. Well, you were awake now. Might as well get a move on with your day.

You looked over your phone once more and noticed you had several text messages, starting at six AM. You dove into them, not wanting to miss out on anything because you were too ignorant to read them. The first bundle were from Papyrus and that already made you smile.

**Papyrus:** GOOD MORNING. I HAVE HEARD THAT YOU ARE GOING ON A DATE WITH MY BROTHER TODAY.

**Papyrus:** IF YOU HAVE NEED OF A MANUAL FOR SUCH THINGS, I HAPPEN TO OWN A COPY.

**Papyrus:** ALSO, I COULD HELP YOU PICK OUT AN OUTFIT IF NEEDED. TRY SOMETHING THAT REALLY BRINGS ATTENTION TO YOUR MOST NOTABLE FEATURES.

**Papyrus:** PERHAPS SOMETHING THAT SAYS "CUTE TEACHER"

**Papyrus:** ANY T-SHIRT WOULD DO AND YOU COULD JUST WRITE THAT RIGHT ON THE FRONT.

**Papyrus:** I HAVE GREAT IDEAS.

You groaned. You could not handle how sweet and thoughtful he was. You did consider taking him up on the offer to help you out with your date, and you wondered briefly if he was offering the same help to Sans. You also wondered if monster dating was somehow different than human dating, you had absolutely no idea. Hmm, it was almost like, maybe, if you did something that was like teaching yourself something you didn't know a lot about...

But, even still, you weren't entirely sold on the idea of going on a date in the first place. Sure, you liked Sans enough. Hell, you'd already had a wet dream about him and then drew a picture based on said dream. He was sweet, and he was funny, and thoughtful, but that was almost the problem, wasn't it?

You didn't deserve sweet, funny, or thoughtful. You were the real problem. He didn't deserve to be stuck with you in his life to any degree. 

You stopped your thoughts. You already knew all of the points you were about to make about yourself, and you weren't up to being too terribly self-deprecating. Instead, you texted Papyrus back real fast, deciding to humor him for a little bit. You were eager for his positivity. 

**You:** I like the idea! Is that what the manual says about date clothes?

A quick little prompt to get him talking again. After you sent it, you moved on to the other series of texts you had received, this time they were from Alphys.

**Alphys:** Hello! This is Alphys, in case you hadn't put all of our numbers into your phone yet.

**Alphys:** Just wondering if you were alright.

**Alphys:** I'm sorry for leaving, I had to get home to Undyne...

**Alphys:** I'm very sorry for what she did and said... I will be talking to her about that.

**Alphys:** I'm sure the brothers treated you very well and took care of you.

**Alphys:** Just making sure that you really are okay, though.

**Alphys:** It was my girlfriend who... who caused it...

**Alphys:** Also! I really wanted to talk to you about the Biochromanoid story arc! 

**Alphys:** Very few people have ever agreed with me on it before!

**Alphys:** Am I bothering you?

**Alphys:** I'm so sorry, you're probably still sleeping...

**Alphys:** I'll let you rest, then! Sorry again! Text me!

**Alphys:** If you want to, that is. You don't have to, I understand.

**Alphys:** You're a free woman, of course. 

**Alphys:** Sorry, I'll stop.

**Alphys:** Sleep well!

You were absolutely sure that Alphys was somehow your soul-twin, separated from you at creation. Those texts were more than likely something you had texted to your own friends(?) at one point or another, ranting or raving about whatever you happened to be passionate about in the moment without realizing the time. You would then go on and on apologizing and it would quickly spiral out of control into a whirl of apologies for apologizing and bothering them with your apologies. 

You texted Alphys back immediately, wanting to make sure she didn't feel like she had been annoying you. That opposite was true, you were flattered that she cared enough to check up on you.

**You:** I'm fine, thank you so much for asking. I just woke up. Was a little stressed yesterday but all is well, the brothers were wonderful. 

**You:** I'd love to talk about that arc! omf plEASE

You were eager for the conversation either of the two would provide following that horrendous conversation with your mother. Especially where she actually had the gall to hang up on you? Like how dare she? 

Uhg, you just wanted to stop thinking about it. You'd rather go back to bed and sleep for the rest of the day, however you were already up and hydrated so it'd be best to not waste it. You decided instead to step out of the bathroom and go dick around on your computer for a while, because what else would you do with your day? It wasn't like you had anything else to do, at least not for a while.

Then your phone rang again. You considered shattering it, but only very briefly. Instead you picked it up and glanced at who it was. Oh, no.

It was your dad.

You answered it with a very meek hello and you heard your full name in a deep, stern voice, each syllable crisp and pointed. Evidently your mother had spoken to him about your previous conversation and he was not happy in the slightest. This was why you had never bothered to tell them where you had moved to. You should have just gone back to bed.

"Are you suicidal or something?" He barked at you, "You know where your mother and I stand on the  _ demon _ issue! God sealed them underground for a  _ reason _ ! That little  _ antichrist _ raised them up and now they are on the surface to steal our souls! Now you are  _ living with them _ ?!" He shouted, his voice getting louder and more angry with each breath he took. You flinched, pulling the phone away from your ear until you got an opportunity to speak.

"Daddy, please listen to me. Please. These people are really good, all of them! I haven't met a single bad monster since I've been here. They've been really accommodating to me, and they've really gone out of their way to welcome me in, they've treated me better than any human ever has, and I--"

"Just as Satan would have them!" Your father interrupted you, halting your explanation. Your face flushed at the mention of Satan. Satan? Really? "Sure, the monsters have named him Asgore, but all of the signs are there! A massive goat man, with huge horns? Wielding a trident? Do you know how Satan is portrayed? Let me answer for you, because I'm sure you're far too uneducated to guess-- _ a goat with huge horns wielding a trident _ . Their king is literally Satan!"

You actually had to resist laughing at your father. Asgore, of everyone you'd met so far, was probably the  _ least _ likely to be Satan. He wore a damn hawaiian t-shirt for chrissakes. He invited you over for tea! You couldn't see that man harming a singular fly, let alone innocent humans. He had two children who were humans, for pete's sake!

"You've met him!?" Your father demanded. Whoopsie, you'd been speaking out loud. "Dear God, Lord Almighty," he muttered quietly to himself. You could hear him pacing, his heavy footfalls loud enough for you to hear over the phone. "You need to come home  _ this instant _ . I will not have your blatant, stubborn ignorance getting you killed. Do you have any idea how much stress you're putting your poor mother through? You're going to give her a heart attack!" You bit back your instinctual response, wondering if her prescription drug abuse and mixing them with alcohol each night might also have something to do with her inevitable heart failure. Besides,  _ you  _ were ignorant? You were probably the least ignorant person who'd ever lived in that house.

"Your mother and I have discussed it, and we will pay for your trip home and board you until you can get another job and a place to live. Jesus Christ, if we had known you were capable of this  _ level  _ of stupidity..." He sounded completely flabbergasted. You grit your teeth as indignance rose in your throat, tasting and burning like bile. 

You couldn't keep it in anymore. You had to fight for your new friends--who strictly  _ weren't  _ demons. 

"I am not coming home. I am not going to live in your house, not when you guys are the ones who are stupid and ignorant. You preach the bible all the fucking time, but you conveniently skip over the parts where it preaches  _ love and acceptance _ , or the parts where it talks about  _ you being unable to judge others _ , or really any of the parts where you're supposed to be decent and good human beings!" You shouted, adrenaline pumping through you and making your body tense with words you'd always held back, "I am in a good place here. The people love me, and the kids are wonderful. I'm teaching at their school, did mom tell you that? Every single monster I've met has treated me with more dignity and decency than any of those old cods at the church. 

"I get it, you think they're demons and you're all for a  _ war _ against them, but ever think that maybe  _ God _ had a place in their release? Maybe they're good people too?"

"Don't you dare call them people--"

" _ They are people! _ " You shouted right back at him before he could get into one of his own tangents. "They're better people than  _ human _ people! And I'm staying right here, and you can't make me come back there. I'm happier now than I ever have been before."

"They are  _ not people _ !" Your father bellowed, effectively silencing you with the sheer ferocity of his rage. "I cannot believe you are choosing those demons over your own family."

You blinked, "What? I'm not exactly choosing them  _ over _ you guys--"

"You are, though. Your mother and I... we have tried to keep you on a good path your whole life. We raised you in the church as a good and god-fearing girl. You were doing so well until you met that lover of yours and you started following a new path. God can only help those who want to be helped, and He only helps those who help themselves... Frankly, we cannot fraternize with those who so willingly choose Satan."

"Daddy, what the fuck are you talking about? There is no Satan--

"Ah, the greatest trick he ever played... As soon as you realize the error of your ways, we will welcome you home with open arms. We will bring you to a baptism ceremony and you can redevote your life to God and His teachings. However, until them... I love you, but your are not our daughter." 

"Dad, stop that! I'm not--"

"Do not contact us until you are ready to realize your dastardly ways. Goodbye."

"Dad, listen to me--what are you--DAD!" You screamed into your phone until you heard the dialtone. 

Your blood ran cold, but your brain quickly got to work on rejecting what had just happened entirely. Denial was always nice for a little while. Numbly, you made your way over to your computer. Your phone kept dinging with incoming messages, but you couldn't bring yourself to look at them. You didn't want to talk to anyone, you didn't want to be made to feel better. You just wanted to distract yourself, keep your mind on literally anything else, just for a little while. 

You went over to your computer and started it up, going to browse anything that required next to no thought. It wasn't even as though you were remarkably close to your parents. There had always been this disconnect between you and them, but they were still your parents. But now they weren't? 

No. Nope. Not thinking about it. Nope.

You felt your fingers trembling as you scrolled. You distracted yourself enough that you even lost track of time entirely, and your phone sang to you to remind you to get ready for your date. Time flew by when you were denying that the day had even happened. 

Shit. Shit. No, you couldn't go on a date. Not today. You had already been uneasy about the idea, but now you were completely repulsed by the idea. 

You texted Sans.

**You:** Hey. I'm not feeling great today. Rain check?

You groaned loudly, a sound reminiscent of a hippopotamus being fucked in the ass by an elephant. You just couldn't do anything right, could you? What was so wrong with you that you couldn't just be happy for once in your damn life? You had moved to New New Home for the sole purpose of making things better for yourself. A better job, some better friends, a better life. That was how it was supposed to work out for you, but somehow you had taken the clean slate you had been given and you already made it filthy with your bad decisions. You were very good at making bad decisions.

You froze when your phone started ringing again. You were very, very heavily considering the shattering option again. You wanted it to stop ringing, stop going off. You were done being social.

You noticed it was Sans, though.

Fuck.

You answered it with a quick, crisp, "Hey."

When did you start crying? You couldn't remember the exact moment the tears had started to fall down your cheeks, or even when they started pooling in your eyes. Yet there they were, dripping from your chin, and you had only noticed because your voice was made thick by them. Shit. You pulled your phone away from your face as you cleared your throat and sniffled, wiping your face with your t-shirt. 

"you really don't sound too good," Sans commented softly. You had expected him to sound at least a little bitter, but instead it was more sympathetic than anything. You covered your face with your free hand in exhaustion. "sorry 'bout callin', but i'm actually driving. already on my way to your place..."

Damn it. You had cancelled on him too late, and now he was probably halfway to your house and he would just have to turn right back around and god home. You were so inconvenient. Damn it, why couldn't you do anything right/ Why did you have to be so forgetful? Damn it.  _ Damn it. _

"I'm sorry..." You heard him draw a deep breath.

"kitten, it's fine. it'll always be fine." How many times were you going to make him repeat those same reassurances? Just like you made your mother repeat herself constantly, and she hated repeating herself. Jeez, you really were the worst. You couldn't be a good friend, you couldn't even be a good daughter. You wondered when he would just get sick of you altogether. It shouldn't be too far off by now. You sucked in your breath and couldn't help the small sniffle that followed as your emotions started swelling in your chest. "hey, so, why don't we just not go out, sound good? spend some time at your place instead, watch a stupid more or something? i can even pick some snacks up at the store on my way." He offered, his voice soft and gentle. "'cause, correct me if i'm wrong, it doesn't really sound like you're actually sick."

You were quiet, for multiple reasons. One was that you were pretty sure if you opened your mouth and spoke, only a sob would emerge. Second, you didn't really know what to say to him. What did you say? Did you tell him the truth, that you were upset about your parents disowning you because they couldn't comprehend that monsters were people? Or did you lie, say you were indeed sick, and he just didn't understand human illnesses that well? Knowing how perceptive he was, he really wouldn't buy your lie.

"i'm gunna take the silence as a go ahead. i'll be there soon. bye, kitten."

He hung up, leaving you to sit in your apartment alone, wondering just how fast you could clean yourself up to not look exactly as messy on the outside as you did on the inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a very bad person and I know that.  
> If you wanted to follow a very bad person on Tumblr, [you could probably definitely do that.](http://thisisntcreativeatall.tumblr.com/) Maybe, perhaps, reblog the chapter update post or whatever floats your fancy and piques your boat.
> 
> Also all of your comments are loved and appreciated, even when I've so far dragged out a single weekend into five chapters (because the next one is still going to be Sunday.)


	8. Whore

_"I_   _don't_ _know anything about monsters!"_

Sans stared at you, dumbfounded by the outburst. You didn't know why or what made you blurt out the exclamation as soon as you opened the door to greet him. In fact, you'd had a whole greeting planned out for him prior to opening the door; you were going to say something along the lines of "thank you for coming over, but I've got a long day of (insert lies that make you sound like a productive and functioning member of society here) planned so you can go home now". But now, instead of reciting your blatant lies to him, you broke down into unstable sobs and admitted your deepest(ish), darkest(ish) secret. He seemed just as shocked as you felt at the outburst, his arms filled with grocery bags, then he gave a solemn nod.

He made quick work of emptying his arms, setting down the bags. Once freed, he pulled you into his chest and held you a moment while you cried. He waited very patiently and you were grateful, the ordeal already embarrassing enough without him making a show of being trapped in your doorway. You were glad, at the very least, that you had already gotten around to brushing your teeth and your hair, as well as changing into nice(ish) clothes before he got to your apartment. If you hadn't, you would both sound _and_ looked like the mess you were on the inside. You weren't ready to expose that much of yourself to him just yet, even though at this point you were sure he had a fantastic guess toward the truth.

"that's what's got you all upset?" Sans finally asked, his voice soft as he gently coaxed you backward into your apartment so he could finally step inside. He used his feet to drag and kick the bags of groceries inside, allowing him to shut your door and give the two of you some privacy for your completely unwarranted meltdown over your complete and utter lack of knowledge about monsters. Which, also, was entirely your own fault in the first place as it wasn't impossible for you to educate yourself. You huffed and whimpered in frustration, burying your face in his hoodie to mask your bright red face. "hey, hey, let's just breathe, okay? 'sides, ya got probably the third-best tutor in town to teach you all about monsters right here in front of ya."

You sniffled rather unattractively and reluctantly pulled your face away from his now wet hoodie, looking up at him with watery and tear-filled doe eyes as though he were a cool cup of ice water in the middle of a dry desert. You blinked a few more tears free, your bottom lip trembling pathetically.

"You... uh, you wouldn't mind teaching me?" You asked, meek as you met his eyelights. You disregarded the fact that your whole life had come crashing down around you only hours before at the words of your parents, which more than likely had a huge underlying part in your meltdown, and instead you decided to focus on the fact that Sans was willing to help you cross off the number one task on your running To-Do list. Sans grinned down at you, using his thumbs to wipe a few tears from the corners of your eyes.

"'course i don't mind. i know how difficult it is to move to an entirely new culture with no one there ta guide ya. 'sides, i'm pretty sure someone who's teaching monster kids every day should probably know a little bit about monsters, eh?" he teased lightly, stepping away from you and plucking up the groceries from the floor to bring them over to the kitchen.

You huffed, "I know that." Normally the statement he made would have you embarrassed to the umpteenth degree, but somehow you knew he wasn't judging you. You even felt comfortable enough to sass back, despite your upset state of mind. His smile was so easygoing and mellow, you found it hard to be truly upset by him. You grimaced as he quirked his browbone at you, pulling out a frozen pizza from one bag and a six-pack of wine coolers from another. "I just... I forget things sometimes." You wiped your cheeks, wanting to feel indignant.

Sans bobbed his head up and down, "i get it," he allowed, then went searching through your cupboards after he set your oven to the correct temperature. Well, wasn't he making himself right and comfortable in your apartment? It took a moment to register that; one, he was making you food and two, while looking through your cupboards he was definitely seeing how you quite literally had nothing in your cupboards other than instant noodles and popato chisps.

Oh, and he was probably searching for a pizza round.

You flushed and tangled your fingers together, "I don't have a pizza round..." you explained, suddenly feeling guilty despite the fact that you had no way of knowing that he was going to go buy frozen pizza for your quasi-date-but-not-really-anymore-because-he's-going-to-teach-you-about-monsters-instead(then-maybe-you-might-boink-but-probably-not-because-he-seems-way-too-gentlemanly(which-you-should-be-glad-about-but-weren't(also-you-need-to-calm-down-you-just-met-this-guy?)))

"s'fine, you got a cookie sheet or something like that?" Sans asked easily, nonplussed by your lack of a pizza round. You were perplexed by the request and nodded mutely, opening up your actively preheating oven. Sans peered inside, seeing the one (1) cookie sheet you owned that you only owned for the simple fact that you were obsessed with making a whole tube of cinnamon buns and eating every single bun in one sitting. Because you were an adult, and you were allowed to do that. "... you keep it _in_ the oven?"

"Uh... yeah? Why? Is that weird?"

"no, no," Sans swiftly reassured you, "just different, is all. different ain't bad." He reached in and grabbed the sheet from the already hot oven.

You quailed, lurching forward. "It's hot!"

Sans laughed, stopping you with his free hand as he placed the sheet on top of the stove. When you were stopped, you looked up at him questioningly.

He lifted his hand in front of you and wiggled his fingers, "no skin," he pointed out. You nodded quietly, stepping back. "guess that could be lesson number one? it takes a lot for things like temperature to have an effect on skeletons." he chuckled, "your concern was very sweet, though." He turned and pulled the pizza out of the box.

"Wow, that's really big. How's it gunna fit?" You looked between the pizza and the smaller cookie sheet.

Sans nearly choked, clearly biting back some kind of remark, and searched the drawers for a knife. Once he found one, he took the pizza out of the plastic and cut the pizza in half, adjusting both sides until they fit snugly onto the cookie sheet.

You were completely floored. "Monsters really are magic..." you muttered, mostly to yourself. You had avoided buying frozen pizzas for the mere fact that you couldn't bake them due to your lack of a pizza round. It had never occurred to you to just... cut it in half. Or you could, you know, just buy a damn pizza round, but that just made too much sense.

"i mean, not gunna deny it," Sans allowed with a soft chuckle, waiting for your oven to beep to let him know it was preheated, then put the pizza inside and leaned back against the island. "alright, so, what d'ya wanna know?"

~*~

You had never really bought into the running stereotype that women just wanted to be listened to, like that Ryan Gosling meme where he was respectful and attentive to women rather than overtly sexual. You still didn't _entirely_ buy it, simply because you sometimes wanted dirty and raw just as much as any man did.

_However._

Right then, sitting with Sans as the two of you ate pizza and drank wine coolers as he listened to your every question about monsters and answered you so easily, it was beginning to click. It was like a magical panty-soaker as he sat calmly and nicely and broke down your questions, and his patient ass didn't even get frustrated with you when the way he'd explain things didn't click with you right away. He didn't get condescending or speak to you like he was talking to a child. _Mmph._

You also now completely understood why all of your students adored Mr. Sans. Nearly every question that came out of your mouth, you were absolutely sure, was complete jargon that even you barely understood. However, he seemed to get exactly what you might be missing and he filled it in (which probably had something to do with the whole "monsters speak in intention" thing but whatever). Now, at this point, listening to him teach you, you wanted him to fill _you_ in. _MMPH._

He taught you everything he could about monsters for hours on end, sipping on wine coolers and coming close to polishing off the whole pizza. You listened as intently as you could with the growing wetness in your underwear. Rationally, you knew you probably shouldn't be as horny as you were over just being listened to. You didn't even have a dry spell to blame. You just really wanted to--heh-- _jump his bones._ You patted yourself on the back for that one, but not really. You couldn't explain it to Sans if he saw you patting your own back in the middle of his spiel on which monster types lived where in the Underground.

A while later into your lesson, you were taking a long drink of your wine cooler when you yelped, coughing and choking for a moment when the buzzing of your phone startled you. You grabbed it, momentarily forgetting about the lesson. You had forgotten your phone even existed briefly, or really you forgot that anything outside of your quasi-date-but-not-really-yadda-yadda with Sans. As you looked at your phone Sans paused mid-sentence when he took notice.

"no phones durin' lessons, teach." He scolded playfully. You rolled your eyes and pushed his shoulder with a wry smile on your lips.

"I was texting with your brother earlier and I completely forgot to reply to him. Just give me a minute and we can go back to..." You trailed off, blinking. You couldn't remember the last thing he had been teaching you about. He had literally just been talking about it, and you couldn't recall a single little thing that he had been saying. You had been preoccupied envisioning you and him in a more... horizontal situation. Why were you so freaking drawn to him? You'd never been so... _entranced_ by someone before.

"to...?" Sans prompted, chuckling as he rested his chin on his knuckles and watching you expectantly. "finish the sentence, kitten." He finished off his second wine cooler and plucked out another from the six-pack.

You gave a tight smile, "Just, uh, lemme finish my text..." You attempted to buy yourself a little bit of time as you read Papyrus' text. He was just checking up on you, making sure you hadn't died and/or that you date was going well. Alphys, meanwhile, had sent you an actual novel in response to your discussion and you would have to dedicate real time and mindspace to it later on. You lingered on your response to Papyrus, informing him that yes, you were alive and yes, his brother had arrived for your date, and yes you were having a great time. Also, you would gladly chat with him later that night all about what you did with Sans, which was really just get lectured. You would be sure to find more creative ways for describing your night to make it seem much more exciting, though. You hesitated to put your phone down and look back up at Sans, indicating you were ready to start back up.

He made a little show. "hm, i forgot where we were," he met your eyes, his normally easy grin turning wry and teasing. "ya mind refreshin' me?"

You were caught. You worried on your bottom lip and laughed nervously. You tried to think of whatever the last thing he talked about that you could remember and then branch off from there. What was it, what was it... Oh! Monster stats, which were actually really important to them. He talked about LV and EXP and HP, which were all very different from what you were used to in games. He rambled about that for a while and then he transitioned from those to...

"Souls!"

He nodded, looking quite impressed, "yup, souls."

It made you reel for a second, "Wait, so... so that means that souls are real?" Your brows puckered together, "Like, there's this... _thing_ inside me that's the amalgamation of my entire being that's basically almost completely inexplicable by science?"

Sans read you silently for a moment, "... a horde of monsters that humans had entirely forgotten about beyond mythology rose up from a mountain, each singular monster wielding its own individual forms of _actual magic_... and you're flabbergasted by the fact that souls are real?" He was half grinning, more amused than anything.

You sucked in your breath to fabricate an intelligent retort to defend yourself, but all-in-all he was entirely correct. "... Yeah, that does sound a bit bassackward, doesn't it?" You rubbed your neck and laughed at yourself, "Though I also called you fitting the pizza onto the cookie sheet magic, so maybe my priorities have always been out of whack." You took another bite of your pizza that was actually cold by then but you didn't mind.

"maybe just a bit," he chuckled, "anyway. souls are in humans and in monsters, as you mentioned. they actually explain why humans draw hearts the way they do, a little residual but misplaced knowledge from back when humans wielded magic too--"

"There were magic humans!?"

"yes, but not the point. when you look at a human heart, it's real clearly not shaped the way you humans draw them in cartoons and such. but if you look at a soul--"

"No way! Souls are heart-shaped?"

"well, technically, souls are soul-shaped. and so are cartoon hearts."

You blinked. It sounded correct, at least. You let out a soft, thoughtful "huh" at the realization and sat back, staring into space. "So... like... is a soul, uh..." You thought long and hard to try to figure out the proper phrasing for the question you wanted to ask. "So, souls have a physical shape, right? Then, so, I mean... where exactly is it? Like, just, here? Wherever inside me or, like somewhere specific or...?" You cringed, having managed to make your question sound like the most stupid question in the world but Sans only nodded in understanding. There he was, doing that again and making your brain go wonky with desire.

"quick history lesson. so, ya know how you humans tend to say that your heart is where ya feel all your emotions and feelings and such? how they all seem to originate there?" Sans sat forward after taking another big drink of his wine cooler. You glanced at yours, having only finished one as you were nursing your second, too entranced by Sans to pay much mind to your food or drink. He placed his fingers over your chest, a bit to the left where your heart is said to be. His hand hovered over it, but not quite touching you despite how badly to wanted to close the gap. You watched his eyes flicker from your face to your chest where a very sparse amount of cleavage was revealed. Were monsters attracted to human bodies? "well, historically, humans actually attributed emotions and feelings and things of that sort to the liver instead." His fingers lowered to beneath your breasts and above your belly. You swallowed dryly. Once inch between you, just one inch and he'd be touching you like you'd been wanting for hours by then.

Sans seemed too preoccupied to notice how weird you were being, squirming under his not-quite-there touch. "now, there's a bit of a discrepancy, ain't there? heart's up here, liver's down here," he moved his hand around, indicating again where they were in case you had forgotten, "which one's right, history or modern ideas? well, neither really. as much as emotions and feelings are created by your brain, as is scientifically known and is completely accurate, they're felt by your soul which is just about here..." his fingers hovered over your sternum, about an inch above where the bone came to a point. His hand made pause there and he gave your chest two light taps. You sucked in your breath and stilled as his eyes met yours once more. You saw it. He wanted you just as bad as you wanted him. There was a barely suppressed hunger there.

Hesitantly, you reached out and placed your hand on his knee and leaned forward. You noticed his eyes fixated on your lips, just as you were transfixed by him. A smile tugged at the corners of your mouth and you were filled with an almost completely irrational confidence. You had no right to be as confident as you were, but you didn't care. You were going to do it, you were going to kiss him. _Finally._

You closed what space had been left between the two of you and pressed your lips against him, and you were pleasantly surprised to feel static magic rather than the smooth bone of his teeth. You sighed contentedly at the new sensation, cupping your hands around his skull to hold him closer to you. This wasn't what you had been expecting, but it was definitely exactly what you needed.

You felt his arms slip around the small of your waist and pull you right up against his chest. While he did so you felt your foot hit against your half empty drink and knock it over, but you paid it no mind. Instead you adjusted yourself so that you could climb into his lap and straddle his hips, your thighs resting comfortably in his iliac crests. You felt your face flush with exhilaration. You were kissing him, you were _actually_ kissing him. This wasn't a dream or a fantasy, this was real. You were kissing him, a monster... your _coworker._ Sans the skeleton. You were sure this was bound to have some repercussions--wasn't it a bad idea to date coworkers?

You didn't care. Not right then, as you felt him moving so skillfully against your lips. He likely had quite a bit of practice. He maneuvered your lips apart and you felt something slip into your mouth and begin exploring eagerly. It was solid, and strange, and very slimy--not like a human tongue was slimy, it was a different slimy, but it wasn't at all bad. You realized, after a minute of battling his tongue for dominance playfully, that you hadn't actually considered that he would have a tongue in the first place. But there it was, entangling itself with your own and overpowering you at every turn.

You hated to pull away from him, but your lungs were past the point of just burning. They were demanding more air than your nose could provide. You pulled back slowly and found yourself panting as you looked over Sans' face, trying to read if what you had done really was alright. You were surprised when he let out an almost animalistic growl and sat up on his knees, pressing your back against the wall behind you and pinning you there as he attacked your lips once more. You gave a squeak of enjoyment in response, the sudden dominance causing a distinct tingle at the apex of your thighs and you eased into the kiss eagerly. His hands clutched at your waist and you couldn't help the moan that slipped from your lips when his fingers dug into your flesh in just the right spots, and it only served to encourage him further.

You were breathless almost immediately as his hands worked over your skin, unhindered by your shirt as it was hiked up bit by bit with each movement. Your lungs were burning again and you knew you wouldn't be lasting much longer as he kissed you so insistently, coaxing sounds out of you with each small movement and each lustful touch. Finally you took his jaw in your fingers and pushed him back a bit, breathing heavily.

Something about that made Sans pause, staring down at you with his eyes wild initially, but with each moment that you stared up at him he seemed to come to a bit more. You flushed under the sudden scrutiny you felt you were under, even though he made no move to let you go you just felt suddenly very... dirty.

You took a deep breath, eyes going wide. "Shit, Sans... I'm so sorry..." You pressed back against the wall as hard as you could. You had been the one to kiss him, and then you had given him time to actually think about what was happening. Damn it, damn it, this was humiliating. He was probably thinking about how you had quite literally just slept with your ex like five days ago, and now you were making out with him.

"huh? don't apologize, what--"

"Fuck. Fuck! Sorry, I should... wow, I'm so sorry, Sans, this is... You were just teaching me all about monsters and I just... I kinda attacked you, didn't I? I didn't even ask you first if it was even okay. That's just so... so rude, wow, I'm sorry." You groaned and planted your feet on the floor. Humiliation washed over you, and you knew Sans would just be trying to make you feel better. He'd do and say anything so that you wouldn't feel badly, so nothing he said could really be trusted. He wouldn't really tell you if you had crossed the line. With your feet firmly against the floor you pushed yourself up and untangled yourself from Sans' limbs.

"i was perfectly fine with it--"

"Jesus, I literally just slept with another guy earlier this week and I'm already moving on. Maybe I really am a whore, this is really pathetic, isn't it? Like, you'd think I'd at least give it, what, a week? Can't even do that. _UHG._ "

"seriously, kitten, monsters don't care about that shit as much as humans--"

"I was just going to jump your bones right then and there! I just--like, you'd think I could just calm down and let things move slowly, right? I just... okay. It's good. This is good, it's good that I pulled away. This could have gotten really bad. I mean, we're coworkers. And we barely know one another, so... So... Thank you, Sans, for everything. Honestly, really, you're just... you're so good. You really... you really deserve better than me anyway. Listen. Okay, I think, I think we should just be friends, okay? At least at first and if, if things develop later... We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, right? But. But we should really just... get to know each other, be friends for a while. There's just, everything is so new to me right now and I just... it's all very overwhelming and. Uh. Uhh... We can be really good friends. Can't we? If you want, that is?" Your whole body was flushed and you were shaking with nerves. You were rambling for the sake of rambling as Sans made his way to his feet, accidentally stepping in the puddle of your drink. He didn't seem to give it any thought, though.

"kitten." You blinked at the sternness of his voice. He stared you down, causing the rest of your rant to die on your lips and you stared right back, meeting his eyes. The pause made you realize that you were breathing quite fast and your heart was thrumming like a hummingbird. You took a few deep, even breaths to calm yourself down and bring you back down to somewhat normal rates. "... we can just be friends. if you want."

You grimaced. You didn't, not really. You looked down at your feet. "Yes," you dirty liar, "I think so." You didn't want to be just friends. He had been nothing but good to you, and damn if that kiss wasn't the best you'd ever had. You also wanted to see how accurate your dream was to life. However, at the same time...

You knew you didn't deserve him, not in any capacity.

"Friends." You agreed, holding out your hand to him. Because that's obviously what you did when you had just made out with someone and then decided it was best to just be friends. Sans quirked a brow and gave a weak, empty chuckle as he reached out and took your proffered hand.

"friends." He gave your hand a good, firm, respectable handshake. When your hand was released you took it right back and stared down at your feet in shame, the two of you standing in an awkward silence. "alright, well..." he broke the silence, but you weren't glad for it. "it's getting late now. and we've got work in the morning, so... i should head home. uh, if you have anymore questions about monsters, i'm always here. you've got my number, so..."

You nodded your head, shifting in place.

"see ya, teach." He murmured.

"Bye, Sans."

You listened to him turn and walk away. When you heard the door shut you cursed. What were you doing? You didn't want tonight to end like that. You noticed the wet footprints on your floor and followed them over to your door. "Sans wait--" You called, but when you opened your door you saw the wet footprints had ended completely. He was gone.

~*~

Not taking you right then and there was the hardest thing Sans had ever done. He wanted you, he wanted to keep going with you so bad. He had felt your soul just beneath his fingertips when you'd leaned in to kiss him, aching with need but unable to pinpoint exactly what that need was. Humans and their souls had forgotten that type of need a long time ago.

He wanted to have you. He wanted every single damned inch of you bare on the floor beneath him as he had his way with you, sating his every whim.

It had taken him a little bit of time to recognize what was going on with him. The first day he saw you as he walked in late to a staff meeting. He didn't feel it immediately, which was probably why he didn't care much to put any effort into his greeting. Frankly, at the time he still had a huge mistrust from humans aside from Frisk, and even that was a bit strained. Then he accidentally opened the door for you and as you pushed past him it was just.

There.

He felt his soul give a hesitant throb of _want._

There was no other way to describe it, he just inexplicably wanted to follow you and get to know you as you scurried down the hallway, your head ducked low in embarrassment. He was tempted to run after you, offer to hold your books and walk you to your car, but he figured that might be weird so he didn't. He regretted that immediately when he went home and Papyrus lectured him for two hours on the proper etiquette when meeting someone new, first impressions yadda yadda.

He tried to ignore the feelings, and it was easy in the week you weren't around him. Then the first day of school happened--he'd pointedly avoided your classroom, and it would have worked too if it weren't for the kid. Frisk just _had_ to be in your room, of all the possible classrooms for them to be in. He'd thought maybe they had been in Papyrus' office, or their mother's, or Undyne's or really anyone else's since the kid didn't know how _not_ to be friends with someone. But no, they were in yours, hanging out with-- _eugh--_ **Chara**.

So he slipped into your room, put on his easy smile, and tried to direct his attention solely on the kid who, frankly, was the light of his life. He was hoping they would come easily and he could just saunter right back to his own classroom without acknowledging the insistent _want, need, closer_ he felt whenever you were in his vacinity. Except Frisk was in the mood to play, and he just couldn't bring himself to be too stern with them. It wasn't until Chara spoke up that he got snippy, his molten hatred for the demon child enough that he could somewhat ignore the _need, take, HAVE._

He didn't understand it, it made no sense. He didn't know you, he barely remembered what your name was, but he could feel his soul reaching out of its own volition, pleading to intermingle with your own. Usually there would be a modicum of success there, since humans didn't know they even had souls for the most part and never paid any mind to hiding it. Yours, however, seemed to be locked behind steel walls of protection, hidden away from the world so none would ever see the lively depths of whatever color yours possessed.  What made you so guarded? Why had you hidden yourself away? Why couldn't he see you?

It was so _frustrating._

That all was answered that night, and he wasn't even trying. Yes, he _had_ gotten you a drink but you had been looking to drink in the first place, and he hadn't been planning on getting you drunk. And he was genuinely glad you had shown up so he could somehow apologize for his initial greeting to you. He wanted to get to know you. He wanted to know every single goddamn thing about you. He wanted to know every single insignificant detail about you and he had _no idea why_. Then you, by some miracle, decided to get absolutely plastered and everything he wanted to know spilled out.

Even, a little bit, your soul. Sans got you back to your place pretty quickly as you opened up about how abusive your ex had been, how awful your parents were, what things were like at your old job and how miserable you had been in general. There was no placating you as you got emotional and talked about how much you hated yourself. The entire conversation had been pretty much entirely one-sided and Sans got a peek between the steel bars. He hadn't been trying to, but his soul was doing what it had been trying to do since he first got close to you. It reached out, and that night yours had reciprocated.

He would have eagerly taken it, but almost immediately after he considered giving in to your soul's song he felt dirty--it would be taking advantage. You were drunk out of your mind, all of your barriers were down. It would just be so incredibly wrong to do that, so instead he laid you down to bed and curled up in the corner of your room, making sure you were okay for the rest of the night.

He sighed heavily, driving back home with his soul in turmoil, trying to soothe himself. He was frustrated with you, wishing he knew how to placate you and make you know how much he wanted you. If you knew, there was no way you would ever pull away from him like you did. He was still a bit sour when he parked the car in the garage and climbed out, clambering into the house. He was surprised when he was immediately attacked by a tiny brown-haired human, leaping up into his arms.

"frisk!" He caught them easily, hiking them up onto his hip and looking down at them. "now, what're you doin' here?"

"BROTHER! THE HUMAN DECIDED THEY WOULD SPEND THE NIGHT HERE TONIGHT!" Papyrus informed him as he walked out of the kitchen, removing his rubber gloves. They must have just had dinner and washed up, and he noted Frisk's soapy hands as well. "HOW WAS YOUR DATE?"

Frisk looked up at Sans questioningly. Date? Sans chuckled and placed them down onto the ground, waving his hand in his face.

"i'll tell ya later, paps. hey, since kiddo's here, why don't the two of ya go outside and play a game till frisk's tuckered? since _someone_ never actually wants to go to sleep when they're at their uncles' house." Sans gave Frisk a critical look and they giggled, running over to Papyrus and jumping up to grab his hand.

"FANTASTIC IDEA! HUMAN, LET US GO PLAY!" Papyrus scooped them up and hurried outside as Sans gathered himself. It took him a few more minutes to get over your rejection. He knew it wasn't really a flat-out rejection, he'd felt how much you wanted it but then you had second guessed yourself. He noticed you do that a lot, and it frustrated him to no end. How did he make you know how aazing you were? Uhg, this entire thing felt impossible.

But he needed to accept it, and move on. He had Frisk here, and he would take his time and enjoy it. He took a deep breath and went outside to the front yard, only to find Papyrus with his entire torso in a hedge and Frisk in the middle of the street, looking every which way.

"hey, kiddo, outta the street. not okay, you know better." Sans called over, making Frisk turn around and grin at him and make their way out of the street. Sans then glanced over at his brother. "paps, what're you doing?" He made his way to assist Papyrus in untangling himself from the branches.

"THE HUMAN FAILED TO CATCH THE BALL I THREW TO THEM AND IT HAS GONE MISSING. SO WE ARE SEARCHING, AND A SPLIT PARTY WILL ALWAYS FIND THINGS FASTER. IT IS A STRONG STRATEGY, WHEN YOU DON'T WIND UP ENTANGLED IN SHRUBBERIES..."

Sans sighed, "yeah, but ya gotta keep an eye on the kid. they were in the street, and shit's dangerous--"

There was a screeching, then a thud. And a few more thuds. Sans went cold, pulling back to look over at the street. Frisk had almost made their way across, but at the last second a car had been speeding and hit them. Frisk was in a heap on the side of the road, unmoving.

"shit. shit, shit! shit! FRISK!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man. I have this chapter written out like 8 times with different outcomes because i'm so freaking indecisive. I think I know how I wanna take it all now though, so that's good. C:  
> Let me know how you like it! Please! Comments are my lifeblood and keep me motivated to write because as much as this fic is purely self-serving, it's nice to know that people actually wanna read it.


	9. Dork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Huh, weird. Hasn't this already happened?

Talk about deja vu.

The sensation crashed over you like a storm brewed wave, violently thrashing your conscious and nearly making you topple over from the disorientation. Your eyes crossed and blurred as you went to place your tablet down on the desk you'd jury-rigged from empty boxes. You'd only just been unpacking your computer things into your new apartment, that you still really couldn't believe was yours. Everything suddenly felt strange, very  _ off _ , like the apartment was so very familiar even though you had just moved in that afternoon. It was like you were supposed to be looking around at an already unpacked apartment, even though you hadn't even touched your bed or personal belongings yet. 

Maybe it was because only a month or two back you had just moved into that shitty closet trashcan of your last apartment, where you had also made a makeshift desk out of unpacked boxes. That had to be it. Or, perhaps, something about the magic thick in the air of New New Home was messing with you. You shook your head to clear it. You were being ridiculous, deja vu was a natural, inexplicable phenomenon that happened all the time.

You sucked in your breath and continued setting up your computer, letting your mind wander away from the bizarre idea that you had seen and experienced all of this before.

~*~

"Hey! Papyrus, I'm not late, right? I'm, like, at least fifteen percent sure that the meeting starts at ten?" You hurried into the conference room, your arms filled with a binder of everything you had worked on so far. You had it in case Toriel wanted to take a look at your lesson plans so far. You'd even had an idea randomly the night before--teaching the children the alphabet and how to write. You had remembered reading somewhere that monsters spoke in intention rather than actually knowing words and languages, so perhaps they would need help with writing. 

Papyrus turned to look at you with an eager smile on his face. "YOU ARE NOT LATE, NEW HUMAN. IN FACT, YOU ARE PERFECTLY ON TIME." He was thrilled to see you and even patted the empty chair beside himself to urge you to sit there. You happily took the seat, setting your things down on the table in front of you. "BROTHER, THIS IS THE NEW HUMAN I MET YESTERDAY THAT I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU ALL ABOUT." Papyrus slapped the large mass beside him. You saw it shift and slowly a skull emerged from the dark blue folds. It turned to face you, smiling lazily and looking at you through heavy-lidded eyes. He reached out, offering his hand. 

"nice to meet ya. name's sans, sans the skeleton." 

You gave him a smile in return, taking his proffered hand. You introduced yourself, giving him your name, "Pleasure to meet you too. I didn't know Papyrus had a brother. I mean, not that I know very much about him at all since I just met him yesterday..." But it felt like you'd known him for so much longer. He was incredibly friendly, maybe that had something to do with it. 

You brought yourself back into the moment and glanced between the two brothers. Really, the only joining factor between the two was that they were skeletons, otherwise the one you had just met was shorter and more burly to complement Papyrus' long and lean stature. Also, Sans seemed familiar too--had you met him before too?

You noticed his grin broaden with great confusion. You heard him snicker. What was he laughing at? Did you have something on your face? Was what you had said funny somehow?  _ Had _ you met him before and he was just waiting for you to recognize him? But you had barely been anywhere in New New Home yet, it wasn't possible. Maybe you had seen him in passing? Maybe while you were driving? Had you flipped him off at some point? Though you didn't remember letting your road rage get the better of you recently, it wasn't unheard of for you to do that...

You felt something in your palm. You glanced down and saw white phalanges wiggling in your grip. You still had his hand held quite firmly in your grasp. You had never let his hand go after your handshake.

Your face went bright red as you swiftly released his hand, already thoroughly embarrassed. "Sorry, I didn't--"

"s'okay. i have a hard time  _ letting things go _ too." 

You blinked. A funny man, huh? 

"BROTHER..."

"what? i could tell she really  _ needed a hand. _ "

"SANS!"

You couldn't help but snicker as the taller brother grew angry at Sans' wordplay. He would have made more, you were sure, but the clock struck ten only a second later. Toriel stood up, clearing her throat to gain everyone's attention. She smiled pleasantly as she looked the room over, making sure that everyone was there. She straightened out her stack of papers once more before speaking. "Alright, since everyone is here--Sans, delighted you could make it on time--"

"anythin' for you, tori."

Toriel gave a tight-lipped smile, "Anyway, I think it is best if we are introduced properly to the new teacher I have hired. She will be teaching the children all about humans and the human world this year. Dear, why don't you stand and introduce yourself?"

You felt yourself flush with color, heating up at the idea of standing up in front of so many new people. It didn't help that you had already made yourself appear foolish with Sans. Your smile was forced and lopsided as you stood, waving at the monster encircling the table. Upon actually taking in all the different monsters, you realized you had no idea what any of them were. You should probably do a bit of research on them before you stuck yourself in a room full of small monsters that were completely depending on you knowing the answer to everything.

You repeated your name once more, clasping your hands together in front of yourself to keep from fidgeting. "Uh, as Toriel said, I'll be teaching human education. Uh, if any of you happened to have questions as well, I'm always open and willing. Don't be shy or anything, I promise I don't bite! Haha, ah... ha..." You laughed awkwardly as you attempted to make yourself seem funny and charming and probably failing entirely. You had never been very social before, but you were given a new start here--you could be as funny and social as you wanted. Or as much as your ineptitude would allow.

"O-oh! Fantastic! I actually d-did have a few questions..."

"sure, al. i think after the meetin' we could all ask questions. i'm sure she's got questions about monsters too. we'll all go to grillby's and have lunch." Sans offered... for you?

He wanted to hang out with you? After the meeting? What?

People wanted to  _ spend time with you _ ?

"S-sweet!" The short-statured yellow lizard woman, seemingly named Al, rubbed her hands together in a pleased fashion, grinning as Undyne wrapped an arm around her shoulders and leaned against her. Alright, so you were apparently hanging out with them after the meeting. That knowledge sat like a hot rock in the pit of your stomach. 

Toriel's eyes practically sparkled. "Lovely, I am sure you will all make great friends. Thank you, dear, for your introduction and for being open to questions from us as well. You may take your seat once more and we can move on to the  _ meet _ of the  _ meeting _ ." She looked over at Sans and winked.

Sans chuckled, delighted. "heh, good one, tori." Papyrus slapped his hands over his face, throwing his head back in agony.

"Thank you, Sans." She seemed infinitely pleased as she went on to talk about everything she wanted out of this school year. She explained that, giving it was only their second year topside, they were still settling into Surface life and adjusting so they weren't massively concerned with subjects such as math and science (but by no means were such things going to be neglected). She really wanted the kids to understand monster history and magic and, of course, all about humans and the world their world they currently occupied.

You couldn't help the sense of excitement you got at the idea of being such a huge part of the little monsters' development, but at the same time you regretted taking this job. THere was no way you were going to be good enough for this. Alone, you had a hard enough time living among and understanding humans and why they did the things they do. How were you going to teach little tiny monsters how to do it?

"Also, I had the idea that we might teach the children how to write in the human language..."

Your head shot up and you looked to Toriel, your eyes wide in surprise as you brightened considerably. You'd had the same exact idea! You grinned when Toriel returned your look hopefully. 

"That sounds wonderful, of course I'll do it! I actually already had thought of that and I was going to present it to you after the meeting. I even had a rough lesson plan written up. Of course, whether you want it to be separate or combined is up to you but I'm sure that's something we can work out--" you stopped yourself. You were getting excited and rambling unnecessarily. You couldn't help it. Yes! You were starting this job off so well! You did a good job! You would have to reward yourself for a job well done. Maybe indulge in a drink tonight.

"Fantastic! I had some ideas for the curriculum, based on my own experience writing in the human language. Perhaps you could come over and have tea with my husband and me, we can discuss some more then. Ah, I am getting a bit ahead of myself..."

"I would love that, seriously." Already getting invited over to the boss' house for tea?  _ Score _ .

Toriel gave a delighted grin, clapping her hands in front of herself and doing a pleased little sway. "Lovely! We will discuss a time after the meeting. Now, regarding the use of battle magic during gym class..."

Oh, wow. This was all going so well. It was going too well, almost. Things, good things, they didn't work out so easily for you. Ever. Your life never just went along without hiccups like it was right then. As happy and damn-near elated as you were, you felt yourself reeling back with apprehension, anticipating the inevitable backlash. What was going to happen. When was the other shoe going to drop and even out your life. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, therefore with all the blatant good that was happening, something equally bad would be brewing and eager to rip away the small nest of happiness you'd built up.

You didn't remember when the meeting had wrapped up, too enthralled with your self-indulgent worries. You were confused when Papyrus nudged you out of your anxious mind space, making you jolt in surprise as you looked up at him. You let a smile spread across your face upon seeing him so thrilled over nothing in particular, but when he saw your face flicker so quickly away from your previously knitted expression he faltered.

"NEW HUMAN, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" He questioned, which caused Sans to cast over a sidelong glance of interest. You felt an anxious warmth fill your chest as you tried to cover it up.

"Yeah, totally chill, man." 

_ Why were you such a fucking dork? _

Papyrus appeared utterly confused and you heard Sans snort with barely suppressed laughter. Papyrus shot his brother a  _ look _ , making him shoot the two of you finger guns with a cheesy double tongue cluck before going over to grab Undyne and Al.

"NEVERMIND HIM. HE IS AN ODD CHARACTER..."

Okay, so you would not be utilizing the double finger guns and double tongue cluck when interacting with Papyrus, good to know. 

"ANYWAY, MY BROTHER WOULD LIKE FOR YOU TO JOIN US AND OUR FRIENDS. WE WERE GOING TO GO TO GRILLBY'S FOR LUNCH. SANS HAS MADE CLAIM THAT IT IS THE BEST PLACE TO EAT IN ALL OF NEW NEW HOME. I DO NOT AGREE, BUT HE UTTERLY INSISTS..." You were amused to see Papyrus so annoyed by his brother, you really hadn't placed him as capable of it. That didn't mean that you didn't see the brotherly affection between the two either. Sans returned with the other two a second later.

"except grillby's  _ is _ the best place ever, to eat or drink or just  _ chill _ ." He glanced at you with a smirk while Papyrus rolled his eyes dramatically and gathered up his things. "you're comin' right?"

You looked between the four of them, considering it. It wasn't as though you really had a reason to not go, and it was another chance to meet new people and possibly even make new friends. You also happened to desperately need friends, given the fact that you quite literally had no friends there yet. Except maybe Papyrus, but you were pretty sure he could make friends with an eggplant given enough time and determination. "Uh, yeah, sure, I can do that." 

"WONDERFUL! DID YOU HEAR, ALPHYS? UNDYNE? THE NEW HUMAN HAS AGREED TO JOIN US." Papyrus looked to the two Sans had brought over.

Undyne snickered, "Yeah, Paps, we were standing right here when she said it." 

"GOODIE!" 

Toriel made her way over to the five of you and looked the group over.

"Thank you all for welcoming our newest teacher with such open arms. I am so glad you all like her. Oh, dear, I took the liberty of already purchasing a book for the writing curriculum and I have other papers with relevant information as well. I also have a few binders for you that I would like for you to look over when creating the curriculum for the human education course. Oh, and of course this paper has all of the phone numbers and e-mails for the rest of the staff that you should add to your contacts should you need any of us for any reason." Toriel began dropping everything in front of you, listing off a few more things and placing down a few more binders, "Also, Sans had the wonderful idea that I give you a list of all of the students you will meet and brief descriptions of what monster types they are. He has also made me aware that should you have any questions about monsters and our history or anything, really, he would be happy to give you lessons after school."

Sans?

You looked over at the shorter and thicker skeleton just in time to catch the faint blue blush over his skull as he swiftly turned away from you to start a meaningless conversation with Undyne. 

You had quite literally just met him, but somehow previous to even meeting you he was already offering you tutoring sessions. 

"WOWIE, SANS, THAT IS SO VERY THOUGHTFUL OF YOU TO OFFER YOUR SERVICES TO THE NEW HUMAN. AND TO THINK, JUST A FEW DAYS AGO YOU'D BEEN SAYING YOU DID NOT WANT ANY HUMA--"

"yeah, yeah, i know what i said and things change, okay, paps? anyway, we were gunna head to grillby's before the lunch rush so i suggest we get going now." His words were rushed, likely to shut Papyrus up before he finished his sentence but you'd already gotten a rough idea of what he was going to say. Sans didn't want humans in New New Home. It was confusing to try to process. He didn't want humans in New New Home, but now he wanted to teach you all about monsters. 

"Ah. Of course, I will let you go, then. Have fun!" Toriel waved to the five of you and then went back over to her desk, taking a seat as she got to work on a few more things. 

"You ready, kid?" Undyne looked over at you. You wanted to tell her that you were far from a kid, but you felt it a fruitless venture. Everyone here seemed determined to never actually call you by your name, no matter how many times you introduced yourself. 

"Ah, yeah, I guess." You went to pluck up the massive stack of books and binders and folders but said stack was intercepted by Sans. He hoisted them up easily, glancing down at you as you protested, "I can get those, I'm not a weak as I look." You were, but he didn't need to know that.

"s'fine, i'll walk these out to your car with ya, if you don't mind. they're pretty heavy. sometimes tori forgets that humans aren't as strong as monsters." He chuckled, bouncing the stack up and down in his hands pointedly, showing off how they were nothing more than a bundle of feathers in his grip. You would likely be struggling to even take a step under all the weight. 

You decided to let him carry the books, "Thank you, that's really nice of you." 

Sans shrugged, nonplussed, "no problemo." You lead him out to your car in the parking lot, opening the back door for him to unload. You could tell he wanted to say something but he kept his mouth shut as you shut your car when he stepped away. "see you at grillby's in ten?" He asked, double-checking that you were still going. 

You pulled your phone out and pulled up the maps, checking to see how far away it was. "Yeah, looks like about ten minutes. I'll catch you there. Thank you again for carrying all of that, you didn't have to." 

"don't mention it." He waved his hand in front of his face. You smiled, climbing into your car. When you looked back over to say bye to Sans he was already gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to stop worrying so much about my word counts so chapters might be shorter, but hopefully, this will mean they come out faster. We'll see how it goes.
> 
> [If you wanted to see everything I'm doing when I'm not writing you could follow me on Tumblr.](http://thisisntcreativeatall.tumblr.com/) It's mostly a bunch of self-shipping art and gushing over my love of all things Undertale.


	10. Dipstick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunch with friends, what could go wrong?

Naturally, you were the last one to arrive at Grillby's. You were parked in the lot beside it and you sat in your car, your hands wringing along the circumference of your steering wheel over and over as you tried to quell your anxiety. It never mattered how much someone  _ insisted  _  that they definitely, really did want to hang out with you--hell, you'd even told the brothers that you could just go home and they could have their lunch with just their friends but Papyrus was  _ relentless _ \--and somehow you managed to convince yourself that they had only invited you along to be polite. How could they actually want to hang out with you? ... And why would they disrespect themselves that much?

You sucked in your breath through your teeth and set your jaw, your body tensing up. "Okay, listen here, dipstick," you muttered to yourself, "You are  _ fine. _ Everything is fine. You are going to get out of this car. You are going to walk into that bar. Hey, that rhymed--car, bar. Shut up, get back to the point. Okay, you're going to walk into that bar. You're going to join your coworkers, and you're going to have a damn dandy time with them. You're going to make them your friends. You are going to trick them into believing that you are a quality person who is worth their time. It's not like you haven't done it before." 

Yes, sometimes you did give yourself mini pep-talks before entering stressful situations. It's all you could do to eventually force yourself to leave your car and actually enter into whatever the situation was, and this one certainly qualified as "stressful". You were expected to enter into a previously established friend-group that seemed already very close to one another. What that meant is that if even so much as one of them didn't like you for whatever reason (there were several reasons to pick from if you were being completely honest), you were done for. Then, if you were disliked, you were going to be alone in New New Home until you went searching in other places where other living beings happened to be. And  _ then _ , it wasn't like you went out to social places very often given how incredibly awkward and terrified of interaction you were. So basically a lot was hanging on this lunch, which meant you had to be perfect.

Except the thing was you weren't perfect. You were very far from perfect. If you were, say, Earth then Perfection would be yet undiscovered by the Hubble telescope. It was so far from you that it didn't even belong in your vocabulary, how dare you? If there was a way to screw things up then by golly you would find it. You would not only find it, you would seize it like Alexander the Great and you would fucking  _ run with it _ . You would run with it until reparations were near impossible, your life collapsing beneath you--also much like Alexander the Great's failures. It was as though the only thing you ever could exceed at was failing spectacularly. You couldn't just  _ fail _ , you had to make it a show for the world to see.

You shuddered and groaned, hitting your forehead against your steering wheel in your frustration. You wished you could just make yourself stop thinking. You could feel yourself spiraling again into a pit of What Ifs and Whys and Hows, so many questions over what bad things could possibly happen. You were going into a diner or bar or whatever it was which provided pretty much endless possibilities of things that could go to shit really fast. Also, you had no idea what they served, so you would have to look at the menu. But you got really indecisive when you were under pressure, and these guys sounded like they regularly came here so they more than likely have regular orders so you're the only one who was going to be looking at the menu. They'd be waiting for you for so long as you tried to decide while progressively getting more and more stressed which would make you more and more unfocused which would make you even  _ more _ indecisive and they would all be looking at you and getting more and more impatient and--

Oh, my GOD, they were waiting for you  _ right now _ . So you should probably just get the  _ fuck _ out of your  _ damn _ car and you were  _ going _ to sit down with a group of near-strangers who  _ for some fucking reason _ want to get to know you better.  _ Also _ , you were  _ going _ to have a  _ good fucking time while doing it _ . God damn it, you were going to make some friends today!

You felt the sudden surge of bravery and quickly took advantage of it. You shoved your door open and went to jerk out of your seat, grunting as you were very quickly halted by your seatbelt. You had forgotten to undo it. While looking around to be sure no one had seen what happened, you unbuckled and actually exited your car this time. You filled your lungs and took sturdy, brave steps to the door and went to push it open only to have it swing out toward you. Sans held it open, smiling toothily down at you. 

"we were startin' to worry you'd stood all of us up." He chuckled, stepping aside to let you slink inside. 

You gave a breathy laugh, his cool demeanor helping take the edge off of your nerves. "Sorry, uh, I got a little turned around. Y'know, streets being named 'Left street', 'Right street', and 'Wrong street' can get really confusing. My GPS told me I was turning Right on Wrong street so I did a U turn and then it told me not to take Right street and I just..." You threw your arms up in the air helplessly, earning a hearty chuckle from Sans as he nodded in agreement. 

"yeah, gore's not the best at namin' things but damn if it doesn't make for a bit of entertainment." He pointed you to the table where the rest of the group sat in the booth they had appropriated for the noontime. 

"Well, look who decided to show!" Undyne interrupted as you were about to respond to Sans. You were startled by Undyne's boisterous voice piping up so suddenly. 

"the street names fucked 'er up," Sans explained easily, standing beside you with his hands shoved into his pockets. Undyne seemed understanding, tucking the yellow lizard woman underneath her arm again like she had in the meeting.

"I can respect that. Hey! You didn't get properly introduced to my girl! Introduce yourself, babe!" Undyne looked incredibly happy with Al sputtering helplessly beside her. Her face turned bright red with embarrassment.

Alphys struggled to find her words and you couldn't identify with her more. "M-my name is, uh, Alphys. Hello!" She waved, or more wiggled her fingers at you than anything. "Uh, I'm the, uh, s-science teacher, and... and..." She toyed with her fingers anxiously, looking and sounding like she wanted to say something else but she was too nervous. 

You totally understood it. Undyne chuckled, kissing Alphys' cheek and earning a flustered gasp from her. "What Alphy wants to say is that she's got loads of questions for ya about humans n' shit if ya got a sec?" She grinned and looked to Alphys, double-checking that she said the right thing. The small scientist, while still nervous, gave her lover a nod and smile.

Seeing someone else as nervous as you made you feel better and you smiled wide. "Yeah, of course. I have tons of secs!"

It was just like in the movies. The bar went dead silent miraculously as you spoke, allowing the whole establishment to bear witness to your blunder. Beside you, Sans smacked his hand over his mouth, breathing deeply to maintain his composure. Alphys's eyes went wide and nearly sparkled. Papyrus sat innocently, sipping his water and probably wondering why it had all suddenly gone so quiet. Undyne blinked.

You felt your anxiety manifest itself within you--you felt it twisting up your stomach and constricting your chest and flowing through your veins like burning acid. Every single fiber of your being screamed FLIGHT. RUN, GET AWAY. Pack your car back up, get out of New New Home. Change your name. You could survive for a little while with what little money you currently had, as long as you only have half a packet of ramen per day and did literally nothing else that cost money. Perhaps you could get yourself into the bad part of town and you would either witness a dangerous murder and get yourself a whole new identity for free through the witness protection program, or you would die. Both sounded ideal.

Undyne looked you over, a lecherous smile on her face.

"I bet ya do."

Sans finally burst, slapping his hand on your shoulder and using you to brace himself as he doubled over, utterly losing it. Undyne looked as though she had been trying hard not to join him, but she cracked relatively quickly under the onslaught of Sans' laughter. She threw her head back, her arm thrown over Alphy's shoulders as she buried herself into yellow scaly flesh. Alphys smirked and just accepted it. Papyrus, on the other hand, looked relatively confused as he reached out and dragged your mortified form out from Sans' grasp and into the booth. He tucked you in beside him comfortably, perching his arm along the top of the seat behind you.

Alphys looked over at you, a light flush over her face as her lover guffawed in their arms. "They'll be back with us soon enough." She assured you, patting Undyne's quivering shoulders as absolutely inhuman sounds ripped from her. You allowed yourself a small if nervous smile as you were still wired from your verbal mishap (because who didn't dream of announcing to a bar full of strangers that you had frequent intercourse?). From the safety of Papyrus's flank, you looked over at Sans, seeing his entire form trembling as he wheezed, wiping some translucent blue stuff from his eye sockets.

Baffled by the discovery--were they tears? They couldn't be tears, right? He was a skeleton, that made no sense--you nudged Papyrus and leaned into him a bit more. Being very much taller than you, Papyrus eased himself down to your level to hear to better so you didn't have to shout. "Uh, so, what's... what's coming out of his eye sockets?" You asked in a soft voice, hoping they didn't judge you too harshly for not knowing certain (read: any) things about monsters.

"Oh. That's His Magic." Papyrus stage-whispered, acknowledging your desire for a bit of privacy regarding your ignorance, although Alphys could easily hear what he said. 

Your face scrunched up as you looked up at Papyrus. "Magic? You can... you can see magic?" 

"Why, Yes! Of Course, It Is! Ah, Well, Sort Of... It, Well... See, Magic, It's... It's Uh, Physical? Ah--"

Alphys cleared her throat as she spoke up. "Magic is to monsters what blood and water are to humans, to put it simply. It courses through us constantly, keeping us alive. In monsters with flesh, like Undyne and I, it's much better hidden within us and it's harder to tell that our normal bodily functions are made able through magic. However for Sans and Papyrus and monsters who are made of substances like rock or metal--Mettaton, for example--or incorporeal monsters--such as Napstablook--magic pretty much is used for every function. This includes tears, saliva, and c--UH! O-other things." Alphys flushed once more and you nodded in fascination, though there was another thing on your mind in the moment. 

"Hey, you didn't stutter?" You commented, watching as Alphys shrugged and rubbed the back of her neck, laughing nervously. 

"Y-Yeah, uhm, I don't... all the time. Especially w-when I'm passionate about s-something or know it really well, or w-when I'm with people I'm super comfortable with." With Undyne still nearly pissing herself in Alphys' arms, the scientist simply abashedly turned her attention to her rather than you. You hoped you hadn't embarrassed her by mentioning the stutter. 

Papyrus beamed in response, "ALPHYS MUST BE VERY COMFORTABLE WITH YOU TO HAVE NOT STUTTERED WHILE EXPLAINING!" 

Alphys nodded in agreement, "Y-yes! I am, which is p-pretty cool. It feels almost l-like I've met you before?" She shrugged, "A-anyway! Uh, why don't you tell us a l-little about yourself while these t-two gather themselves?" She offered as a quick ice-breaker. 

"Oh, uh, sure," you quickly tried racking your brain for something, anything about you that could possibly be interesting and it was discovered to be an uphill battle. You were incredibly boring, you found. It was hard to think of a single interesting snippet about yourself, especially when compared to the monsters who surrounded you. They must all be completely fascinating. "Uhm, maybe, you guys should start first?" You asked, "If that's okay, I mean."

Alphys glanced at Papyrus and they nodded together. "I WAS A MEMBER OF THE ROYAL GUARD! THEY WERE VERY IMPORTANT UNDERGROUND, OUR MISSION WAS TO APPREHEND HU--"

" _ Huge criminals _ ." Alphys interrupted. An orange glow blossomed over Papyrus' cheekbones.

"YES. HUGE CRIMINALS."

You could tell there was more to that, but you weren't going to start prying just yet. "That's so cool, Papyrus, you were so important," you commented, a bit surprised Papyrus was even capable of capturing someone, even a criminal. 

"OH! IF YOU WANT IMPORTANT, LOOK NO FURTHER THAN DOCTOR ALPHYS AND UNDYNE!" He gestured over to the couple and Alphys sputtered for a moment, waving her hand in front of her face dismissively. 

"O-oh, I mean... well, I  _ was _ the Royal Scientist, basically one of the most important positions in the underground with a huge amount of responsibility on my sh-shoulders, b-but... I'm not anymore, a-and I only do that w-work over the summer now a-and that's if Dr. Gaster n-needs me." 

Despite trying to downplay her importance, you were floored. "Shit, seriously? That's insane." You shouldn't have asked them to go first. How would you ever compare to these guys?

"A-and Undyne, sh-she was Captain of the Royal Guard. Sh-she's the best and m-most brilliant warrior ever, and she was t-training Papyrus up until w-we were all freed." Alphys nudged the fish woman in her arms who had finally regained herself and sat up straighter, grinning. 

"Hell yeah, I was! The best fighter in the Underground, second only to the king! I was the best Captain ever!" She looked over to Papyrus, "Wasn't I, Paps?"

"OH, YES! OF COURSE, THE BEST!" Papyrus enthused eagerly, nodding his head.

Sans had recovered as well and tucked himself into the free space beside you, still wiping blue magic from his eyes and taking deep breaths. You looked over at him and smiled. 

"Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself?" You asked, resting your elbows on the table. 

"nothin' much to say, really. i did different odds and ends jobs down there." He shrugged, "i'm nothin' fantastic. know a little science, know a little math. enough to be a teacher." By the look Alphys was giving him you didn't fully believe his story, but that was another thing for future-you to worry about. "alright, know you know us. what about you?"

You were back to racking your brain. You really should have been thinking about things while everyone else was talking, but instead, you were busy being intimidated by how successful everyone was. Royal Scientist, Captain, Guardsman, and... entrepreneur, you supposed. "Uh, well, I mean... I've really only ever been a teacher if you exclude all of the fast food restaurants I worked for to make it through school? I don't really have any hobbies unless you count watching an unhealthy amount of anime--"

" _ You watch anime? _ " Alphys rasped, her claws digging into the table, her upper body leaning as close to you as she could with a look of what you could only describe as pure wonderment.

You gave pause for a moment, staring at Alphys in surprise as Sans adjusted himself and placed his arm up where Papyrus' was, sandwiching you between the brothers. "Do... do you watch anime?" In hindsight that was a pretty stupid question, but you couldn't must up a different one with your overly excited brain going a mile a minute.

Alphys nodded her head so quickly her glasses bounced up and down on her nose. "Of course I d-do! I-it's the best thing humans ever created! I live f-for it!" If you were capable of morphing your irises into the shapes of stars, it definitely would have happened right then. You could talk about anime with her, that was so exciting! "W-which have you watched!?"

You didn't hesitate to launch into your shpiel, somehow recalling almost every anime you'd ever watched with ease. Some you barely even remembered the plots to, but the names came up so easily it was like you'd just been talking about them a few days ago. You even listed a few that you'd just entirely forgotten about--and now you wanted to go back and watch them again. Memories were a fascinating thing.

Alphys listened on, enraptured by the hefty list of anime you presented her with. There were a few where her brows puckered together, clearly one she hadn't seen before and you would be absolutely sure to introduce her. 

"that's a lot of animes... how many are there?" Sans interjected, earning an enthused look from Alphys. 

"Th-there's so many! I d-don't think it's possible to count them all! I mean, obviously you  _ could _ , but for hyperbole's sake--" she snorted, chuckling in amusement at herself. "A-anyway! Uh, w-we should look at the menu, uhm!" Alphys turned back to look at you, handing you a menu quickly. "Here! I already know what I want. We can discuss m-more once we've ordered."

You agreed, your anxiety from the car returning. Of course, they already knew what they wanted, and now you would be holding all of them up. Shit. Shit shit shit.

"Ah--okay, so, uh, what should I get?" You asked out loud, completely willing to just order whatever they blurted out first. Even if it was something you didn't like, you couldn't handle this responsibility on your shoulders. You were already stressing out, so much so that you couldn't even focus on the words on the laminated menu. It was basically just a garbled mess like you were trying to read an entirely different language.

"al, she can't read monster writing," Sans chuckled, plucking the menu out of your hands. 

_ Oh! _ It was a different language after all. You felt relief wash over you as Sans looked over the menu for you. 

"i always get a classic burg 'n fries, ya want that?" 

"YOU COULD ALSO ORDER NOTHING, AND I COULD MAKE YOU MY OWN HOMEMADE SPAGHETTI!" Papyrus offered, not sounding entirely enthused with eating here. 

"Oh..." You didn't know how to answer. You didn't want to refuse his spaghetti, the idea of him wanting to cook for a near-stranger made your heart warm, but you also weren't very keen spaghetti. You were sure his spaghetti was delicious, but something about noodles just didn't sit well with you.

Sans spoke up for you, "why doesn't she eat here today, and then later on in the week or somethin' we'll have a party and you can serve your spaghetti then? 'm sure she's real hungry and wants to eat somethin' now." He offered, lifting the weight off your shoulders once more. You were grateful to him once more. 

"Yeah, uh, I'll have your spaghetti another time, I promise. The burger and fries sound wonderful right now, though." You saw Sans nod, obviously pleased that you went with his suggestion.

"best shit you'll ever eat--" The was an indignant sound from Papyrus. "second best shit you'll--"

"Fuck you too, bonehead."

" _ third best _ shit you'll ever eat." Sans sounded a bit weary as he finally finished his sentence. You chuckled, smiling as Undyne reached over and knuckled into Sans' shoulder, but you were sure it hurt her more than it did him. Sans seemed unperturbed as he lifted his arm, waving to the being behind the bar. "ay grillb!" 

You audibly sucked in your breath as the being lifted its head and looked over to your group. He was actual living fire.  _ Actual. Living. Fire. _ You could make out basic facial features, such as cheekbones and a mouth and you were sure there were eyes behind his rectangular glasses. And why the hell did you think he was so handsome?

The being slipped out from his place serving various patrons and stepped over to your table. He angled his face toward you, quirking two fiery brows as he looked you over. 

"heya, grillb, this is the new human teacher," Sans spoke up, grinning at his friend. You nodded and offered your hand, telling him your name.

Grillby seemed surprised at the proffered hand but reached out and took it. It took a moment for it to register that you had just met a monster made of actual living fire and you felt the most appropriate first step was to shake its hand.

Surprisingly, though, despite how warm he was he didn't burn you. Without thinking, you let out a shocked "Oh!" but evidently it must have sounded startled because Grillby swiftly pulled his hand away from you, his face knotting up in concern as he peered at your hand.

You flushed, "Shit, no, sorry! I'm fine you didn't, uh, burn me or anything--I'm fine. I was just surprised, is all! That you didn't..." Was that racist? Were you just being racist? Was it common knowledge that monsters didn't actually burn other monsters? Were other monsters frequently burned by him? Were you supposed to have been burned? How were his clothes not catching on fire? Was he not actually made of fire? How ignorant were you being?

Grillby's shoulders relaxed as he nodded, chuckling in amusement. "I am glad." He murmured, his voice distorted and crackling like a campfire. You felt a bit of a swell in your chest upon hearing his voice. Your co-workers all gave him their orders, and you opened your mouth to order as well but you couldn't piece the words together somehow. You sat, open-mouthed, until Sans spoke up and ordered your burger and fries for you. Grillby nodded and left and you found yourself staring.

It was a moment before Sans nudged you. "got the  _hots_ for grillb, huh?"

You couldn't say no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me life <3   
> Sorry it took over a month. I'm bad at things.


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